


Punch & Rivet - Desperado

by DreadPirateBrown



Series: Smooth Rider [4]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Big Talks, Big feelings, Cannabis, Family, Fluff, Other, Personal Growth, TW: Homophobia, TW: White Nationalism, Transman Haught, Wakes & Funerals, gets happier I promise, in the shit again, is that foreshadowing, no good deed goes unpunished, tw: transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-08-23 08:14:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 64,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20239630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreadPirateBrown/pseuds/DreadPirateBrown
Summary: Nico Haught gets a heart-wrenching unexpected phone call that forces him to revisit his hometown.Will the past let him be?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! Nico rides again!
> 
> I missed him too, so here's a new adventure. We pick up with the crew a few months after the close of the main fic. 
> 
> TW tho, seriously, this isn't the lightest fic & there will be language used & scenes depicted that while fictional, do reflect the environment a human living their trans life can absolutely encounter.
> 
> May need tissues?
> 
> There’s sweet moments in there too, I promise. 
> 
> Sweet moments with life altering consequences. In a good way. :-)
> 
> (Fic title comes from Rihanna's "Desperado", quite on repeat while writing this, for...reasons)

“Mm, baby, my phone’s vibrating.”

Nico let go of the hold he had on the curves of Waverly’s hips, his girlfriend having just pressed him into bed before straddling his lap, her tongue tracing the sensitive shell of his ear. He hadn’t seen Waverly all day and an escaped few minutes spent in his bed before dinner had sounded just right.

They’d snuck up the stairs just out of the reach of the sound of Wynonna’s impatient voice ringing out from behind the swinging door to the kitchen. The elder Earp had binged Tidying Up one herb fueled evening and had decided Shorty’s needed to be Kondo-ed, though it was mostly the brunette chucking random things that weren’t hers in the direction of the garbage can yelling about how they didn’t bring joy while everyone else scrambled to get out of the way. Not having an outlet to put her energies toward had made Wynonna twitchy and prone to starting projects before abandoning them for the next moments later. With Clootie vanquished, they almost had possession of the Homestead again and Nico knew unleashing her on the space might be the best and worst thing for all that aimless passion.

His jeans buzzed again, insistent. His phone rarely rang, and when it did, it usually brought news, he’d learned to not ignore it and he sighed as he leaned away from Waverly’s exploring mouth.

“Is that really more important than me?” The edge of her lips brushed the curve of cartilage as she moved to nip at the side of his jaw.

Nico chuckled as he shifted Waverly’s weight and reached into the front pocket of his jeans for his attention-seeking device.

“Of course not, Waves, but I do love that pout you get when you have to wait for what you want.”

Waverly swatted at his arm and sat back on her haunches to allow him to answer the phone, her lips turning up slightly at his teasing, even as she rolled her eyes.

He turned the screen toward himself and visibly twitched at the name he read, his stomach swooping.

“Hang on a sec, Wave.”

Nico quickly extricated himself and walked to the window before he answered the call, Waverly’s concerned look following his motion. He cleared his throat and hoped the trepidation he felt wouldn’t bleed through into his tone as he turned to the view out the window and picked up. 

“Mrs. Nelsen, how are you?"

Nico pressed his finger to the putty at the edge of the window frame, making small indentations with his nail, the dread growing in his belly as he held the phone tightly against the words he heard and stared unseeing out into the yard.

—

Nico looked at the screen of his phone as he brought it away from his ear, the call ending at a tidy five minutes and seventeen seconds. He watched the phone blink out the information before it shifted back to his home screen and he sighed, placing it down on the windowsill before running both hands through his hair, feeling the reality of the voice on the other end of the phone sinking into his bones.

“Nico? Is everything ok?”

Waverly’s voice was small and worried, he turned to find her half perched on the edge of the bed like she was just barely stopping herself from going to him and he shook his head slowly as he let out a long sad breath. She gestured with her arms, a slight lift and he barely nodded, immediately finding himself wrapped in Waverly, his forehead dipping to rest against hers as he felt her fingers tightening their hold on him underneath his flannel, her palms warm against the thin material of his tee.

“That was my grandfather’s neighbor, back home. He, uh- he, he’s gone.” 

Nico’s voice cracked and he felt his body sag, saying the words out loud bringing a sense of inescapable finality to the call.

“Oh, Nico.” Waverly held him tighter and raised herself up on tiptoe to kiss his forehead, a soft long press that he wanted to lean into, get lost in, though he couldn’t avoid the reality he’d just been handed.

“There’s uh- there’s going to be a service. Next week. Back home.” Nico swallowed over the lump in his throat, his lanky weight resting more heavily against Waverly as let out another long breath.

“I haven’t been home since Pop died. Haven’t-” he caught himself with a wince, “hadn’t seen my grandfather since I left for college. Since after I started becoming me. Going home won’t be easy, but I- I want to go, I think.”

Waverly ran her hands up and down his back gently, tilting her head up to meet his eyes.

“Anything you need, baby. We can figure out the plane, all that. We’ll make sure you’re there.”

Nico nodded absently, his mind awash with conflicting thoughts and yet full of a fog he knew was his brain bending itself around the idea that his grandfather was gone. They’d last seen each other on amiable terms, kept up letters back and forth while he was in school, his grandfather always clipping news articles out of the paper he figured Nico would find of interest and mailing them to the school in manila envelopes, Nico’s habit to reply with postcards of everywhere he went.

Both of his mother’s parents and what they had taught him as a child was integral to the man he had wanted to become, the lessons they had imparted and stories they had told ran deep in how he carried himself, how he treated others; he knew that time came for everyone eventually, but the unexpected ache that had taken up residence under his ribs was deep and raw. The other losses he had experienced didn’t dull the pain of the vacancy he was barely beginning to understand he now held too.

Nico pulled himself to the present, looking down at the open, caring face of his girlfriend, her eyes quickly darting back and forth between his own. He knew she wanted to be there for him, and he did not plan to keep Waverly out, but right that minute he needed room to breathe.

“Waves, I’m just going take a little ride, if you don’t mind, I need to wrap my head around this.”

Waverly stepped back, nodding. “Of course, want me to do anything in the meantime?”

Nico’s lips turned up, feeling the care in the question, though Waverly asked it as casually as could be; he reached out to run his thumb over the edge of her cheek before leaning down and kissing her softly.

“No, thank you, Wave, I just have to get some air.”

Waverly made a small decisive nod and squeezed one of his hands in her own before letting it go. “Be careful, and I’ll be here when you get back.”

—

_“Mrs. Nelsen, how are you?”_

_“Honey, I know it’s been a while, but I felt I should give you a call. I hope you are well, there’s just some news going on here I wanted you to know about, I know your Mama and you don’t speak, so I wasn’t sure if anyone would have called.”_

_“No, I haven’t heard from anyone, what’s going on?”_

_“Well sweetie, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, but yesterday I got home from ceramics class with the girls and there was an ambulance parked out front of your grandad’s place, lights going. Swear half the neighborhood was peeking out of their doors and windows, Lord you know how they all get, curious hens, but anyway, I came home and they were bringing your grandad to the hospital. He’d been having a nurse stop in a couple times a week to check on him, last few months going after that whole debacle with the pacemaker battery, though then you probably wouldn’t know about that either.”_

Nico gave Talulah a dash of gas and pulled out onto the road, leaving the sound of Doc and the garage crew’s ribald chatter behind. He could feel the emotional fog as it slipped over and around him, seeping into the nooks and crannies of his body, his limbs feeling heavy as he shifted into traffic.

_“No, can’t say I have.”_

_“Well I suspected you hadn’t and I should have called you earlier, but we all figured things were going to be right as rain, now that they popped that new battery in him. Swear those doctors these days are trying to make us more like machines and less like humans, but if it means I can keep up with my afternoon cocktail, than God bless them.”_

Nico rode almost on autopilot, motions through the trip coming with no thought, finding himself at the state park he and Waverly had had lunch at those few months ago came almost as a surprise. Kicking out the stand, he shifted himself off Talulah and set his helmet aside, his eyes going to the break in the trees that led to the river. Pocketing his keys, he moved toward it, replaying the conversation as he went.

_“Neither here nor there at this point, but there was quite a ruckus to get the VA to replace the damn thing too, things they’re doing to Veterans these days down in Washington is a right disgrace. What your grandad and my Jerry did for this country isn’t something you can decide you don’t care about later on, the cowardly lot. Swamp cleaning, my sweet bippy. Folks now making rules for others when they haven’t done a hard day’s work or served their country; if I had one of them on my carpet, you know I’d give them both barrels, even if we were standing in the parlor, but here I go getting off track, you know how I am with things that wind me up, fools, the bunch of them.”_

He undid his boots and stepped out of his socks, the cool damp sand of the riverbank finding its way between his toes and he closed his eyes, listening deeply to the susurrus of the water in front of him and the birds above his head. He could feel the dappled sunlight through the trees on his face and tilted it up into the warmth even as the emotion of the call wrapped its chilled hands around his heart.

_“To bring it back dear, they took your grandad off to the hospital, those EMTs were such sweet boys, but around suppertime I got a call from your Great Aunt, the doctors did all they could for him, but your grandad’s organs decided he’d had enough, and that was it, he was off. I’m sorry honey, I really am, but I wanted to make sure you knew. There’s going to be a service here next week or so, I’ll send you the details when I know them. Your grandad was a good man, and he loved you, don’t ever doubt it. We’ll talk again soon, kiddo.”_

Nico found his way to the middle of the river, toes gripping against the mix of wet and dry rocks, his damp feet marking where he’d stepped. He folded his knees up under his chin as he sat on Waverly’s flat rock, the jean rough on his skin as he rested his head on his kneecaps and stared into the moving current.

He loved his grandfather, had looked up to him, and absorbed deeply any story he told. His grandfather had been born in 1920, served his country in the Air Force and voted for every Democrat from FDR to Obama; he was a man of warmth and endless knowledge, even his notorious selfishness around sweets brought more mirth than annoyance. Now he was a memory and the acceptance of that truth slid uneasily beneath Nico’s skin.

Almost ninety-nine years of life had passed before the man and Nico felt the weight of each of them on his shoulders, felt the guilt of faded contact claw its way up over his spine to settle there as well. It was entirely his fault they hadn’t talked much in the last few years, Nico’s trials and tribulations around his identity, marriage and then divorce never seemed good topics to relay; Nico was loathe to speak his complete truths from a distance, too scared to lose his grandfather from his life.

His grandfather had come around slowly to his name change, quite upset that Nico had wanted to divest himself of the two names he had been given at birth, names that had first belonged to family very important to his grandfather, women whose histories had meaning and weight; his grandfather’s mother and her sister, lively familial scions of their generation. Nico felt the guilt of that too, of erasing that bit of family history that had been handed to him to keep.

He knew it was a bit convoluted that he had told his father about himself and not his grandfather, but after his father had died, the distance and his grandfather’s strong resistance to Nico’s name change had led him to decide at the time to stay quiet on the whole thing, his grandfather his only tie to family left. 

Nico sighed and laid back on the rock. His eyes leaked as he let himself try to feel the loss, but after he reached up with a palm to wipe away the one tear that escaped and tracked its way down his temple, the wave of open emotion passed and he grit his jaw and sighed again, the most constant emotional valve he’d found along his years. Sighing was easy, usually quiet and still allowed him to release the stress he carried out of his body.

He gripped and released the edge of the rock with his toes, his eyes still closed to the sunlight above him. Nico hated how passive grief was and though they had become good friends when his father had died, it didn’t stop him from wishing for a more feasible action than the one in front of him. He knew nothing was going to keep him from standing for his grandfather, bearing witness to his burial, the military salute, and the guns; not even the thought of seeing his mother for the first time in over twenty years would stop that journey, but it still didn’t feel like enough.

He sighed again and rolled his eyes at himself behind his eyelids, the uncomfortable feelings thoughts of his mother brought up only adding to the mélange. He knew showing up for his grandfather would make seeing his mother unavoidable, there was no way she wouldn’t be present for her own father’s funeral but he wasn’t sure how much time with her he could handle. He didn’t want to make trouble, thinking about fighting with her for answers or speaking with her much at all brought a wave of bone deep weariness; he wanted to make it through the visit as pain free as was possible for the circumstance and bringing up long buried childhood pain wasn’t the way to do it.

A raven cawed out somewhere above him and he turned his turbulent thoughts away from their current course and listened to the world around him, tried to focus on the whisper of the leaves against one another, the grit drying between his toes; he slowly allowed his body to relax, the soundscape lulling him into a drowsy state.

—

Nico woke with a start, the dance of his jeans pocket again pulling his attention and he fished it out in the glowing twilight of the river, cursing as he realized he’d fallen asleep. He squinted at the bright screen in the darkness, he’d just missed what looked to be the fifth in a series of escalating calls from Waverly and he grit his teeth, moving to return the call.

“Nico Ely Haught, are you alright??”

Waverly’s near-frantic voice filtered into his ears and he ducked his shoulders, though she couldn’t see.

“I’m so sorry baby, I accidentally fell asleep on your rock.”

“My rock?” Her confusion was evident.

Nico sat up and stretched, realizing the trip back to shore was going to become much harder without light to guide him. Thankfully the moon was bright and almost broke through the canopy of leaves, shadows from the branches dancing on the darker water.

“Yeah, the one in the middle of the river you took me to the day we went after Clootie.”

He could almost feel Waverly physically relax on the other end of the call.

“I was getting worried when the sun started to go down and you still weren’t back yet. I know you wanted to spend some time on your own but you’ve got to be damp and sore by now, napping like a turtle in the middle of the river. Come home so I can make you something warm.”

Nico felt a smile tug at the edges of his mouth, Waverly knew he’d never show up late for one of her meals, he’d had to take on more physical labor with Doc in order to counteract how often he’d found them too delicious to resist seconds, though Waverly joked she fed him well so he had to work if off in bed with her, and he had done his best to obey.

“Sure baby, as long as I don’t end up in the water out here.” 

He heard Waverly chuckle. “I believe in you, big man, just come home to me.”

—

The trip back with Talulah through the tree shadows thrown by the moon was desolate, the mid-week night leaving few other travelers on the back roads. He knew when he got to Shorty’s he’d have to look into flights, find a place to get a new suit, the one he’d purchased for his father’s funeral and worn to his wedding with Shae had been left behind in his flight from the city all those months ago. He’d have to call Rafe, see if the crew could put him up, and let him borrow some wheels while he was in town. He didn’t want to linger too long, but he would make sure to be there for all the services planned, pain and awkwardness be damned. He would stand by his grandfather and what the man had meant to him, even with the path the man’s daughter had chosen.

He and his grandfather had rarely spoken of his mother, he figured they both kept silent for their own reasons, his own too painful to speak of as a child, and then the absence became normal and it no longer was a facet of what pulled them together, they had their own topics of conversation, music and politics mostly, that had carried their own relationship forward.

Nico had often wondered if his grandfather had had some slight inkling of what Nico’s future held, he’d usually referred to his grandchild as ‘Da Kid’ and the moniker stuck, Nico had always signed each post card he sent “Love, Da Kid,” and he knew it had made his grandfather smile.

—

Nico ducked his head, darted under the half raised garage bay door and parked Talulah along the side of the space, unsurprised to find Waverly perched on a sawhorse waiting for him. He pulled the chain to the door through its traces and locked it in place when it was secure, moving through the half broken down projects as he approached his girlfriend. She was wrapped in an oversized sweater against the chill of the poured concrete floor, the garage always several degrees cooler than anywhere else on the property.

“Hey, baby.”

Waverly’s feet hit the floor with a soft sound as she slipped from the sawhorse and moved across the floor to meet him.

“Hey, handsome.”

They embraced and Nico closed his eyes, his chin resting on the top of Waverly’s head, her arms snaking around his waist to hold him tight. As much as he needed to be away for those few hours, sort out a little of how he felt, what path forward he was going to take- having the comfort of Waverly’s arms was infinitely better than coming back to an empty space, how he had muddled alone after his father’s passing was still felt as a dull ache in his heart.

“Hugs from you make everything better, Waves.”

Waverly nosed into his vest, a few of her fingers snagging one belt loop on his jeans and tugging. “I’m glad everything is alright, I was getting pretty worried about you when the sun started to go down and no one had seen you yet.”

Nico kissed the top of her head and shrugged lightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep out there, just got lost in my thoughts and the next thing I knew that was it.”

The brunette untangled herself and grabbed his hand. “It happens. Can’t say I haven’t done the same a time or two, but come on, there’s chili on the stove and Wy is out back high off her ass so it’s safe to enter the kitchen again. Watch out though, looks like she led the Orcs of Mordor through it.”

Nico snorted at the imagery and saw his imagination wasn’t far off when they arrived, pushing through the swinging door to find a chaos-strewn kitchen, the only pristine area that around the grill and stove, even Wynonna knowing not to mess with Waverly’s system.

“Is that the chili? It smells amazing!”

Waverly pecked him on the cheek and pushed him toward the screen door. “Go see what the hooligans are up to and I’ll bring you some.”

Nico cupped his girlfriend’s jaw and gave her a slow, sweet kiss. “I’m thankful for you, Waves.”

Waverly’s eyes sparkled and her cheeks tinted when they parted. “Ok, flatterer, I will add extra cheese to your chili.”

She went to move away but Nico gently tightened his grip on her jaw. “I mean it, baby, you being here for me, it means a lot.”

Waverly just smiled and kissed the palm of his hand. “Can’t think of anywhere else I’d want to be, so you’re in luck.”

She nudged him again toward the door. “Go on, I’ll be right behind you.”

Nico pushed the screen door open and stepped out into the yard, completely unsurprised to find shenanigans going on. Wy, Rosita, Jeremy and his boyfriend Robin were standing around an oversized Jenga tower, only a few blocks missing from its configuration so far, though Wynonna’s trash talking could be heard clearly from the door.

“You call that strategy, Chetri?” She stomped around the little group with her hands held behind her back like a bad military dictator, a thick joint held between her lips, the smoke curling above them.

“Wy, its three turns into the game, and I’ve never played before, though it seems a simple enough gambit.” Jeremy looked the tower up and down. “Just a measurement of weight distribution against balance.”

Wynonna snorted and made a show of taking a big puff of the joint, squinting through the plume of her exhale at him. “You say that now, maggot, but the battle has just begun.”

“Ok, no more Vietnam War documentaries for you before bed, Wy.” Rosita shook her head at her friend as she grabbed a handful of chips from a bowl on the nearby picnic table.

“What? I’m not used to all this sitting around! Mattie and Gretta have the clinic running perfectly, I don’t do grease, and we don’t have the Homestead yet because the stupid Council is taking forever. Whose wise idea was it to have the dumb thing inspected?”

Doc snorted from under his hat, his lawn chair tipped back and legs crossed out in front of him, thrown up on the edge of the fire pit. “Darlin, you know why we needed to get it inspected. Odd architecture, house with a second floor you can’t see from the outside. Have to make sure we do everything on the up-and-up, so you and Waverly can hang onto it this time.”

Wynonna stuck her tongue out at him. “Fiiiiiine, I suppose. Just want to get in there and make sure Clootie didn’t get her hands on the good stuff.”

Rosita raised an eyebrow, though she nodded at Nico as he approached. “The good stuff? Wy, you haven’t been in that house in over twenty years. I hate to say it, but whatever got left behind has probably been picked over and used up a long time ago.” 

Wynonna grinned roguishly. “That’s what you’d think, wouldn’t you? But there’s no way those paramecium brained goons found my hiding spot.”

Nico chuckled. “Paramecium brained?”

Wynonna shrugged and passed him the joint, selecting her Jenga block and expertly removing it. “I’ve got time on my hands and rewatched all the old DVDs we had. That food fight scene in Hook was _epic_.”

Nico laughed and took a drag of the joint, noticing Dolls stretched out in a hammock a bit beyond the fire. He and Doc had made their own hammock stands out of recycled bits of other projects and had taken to spending quite a lot of time lounging in the colorful slings once the day was done. Nico couldn’t blame them, Dolls looked comfortable staring off into the night, bottle of beer nestled in one large fist resting in his lap.

Rosita knocked him gently with her shoulder as they both sat on the edge of the picnic table by the fire, watching Jeremy circle the tower as he looked for his next choice. Robin laid his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders and was whispering something in his ear, pointing to the blocks on one side.

“I heard about your abuelito, I’m sorry friend. I know these things are never easy.”

Nico shrugged but smiled at Rosita. “He had a good long life and was loved by many. Not much more you can ask from this whole experiment.”

“True, but it’s never quite that simple is it?” She gave him a kind, knowing smile before he dipped his head in acknowledgement.

“No, it isn’t.”

“We’re here for you, Nico, whatever you need.” Rosita put her arm around him and pulled him in for a side hug, her arm resting on his shoulders as they continued to watch Jeremy and Wynonna slowly demolish the Jenga tower.

“Woah, woah, Bustillos, getting handsy with my guy. I need to separate the two of you?”

Waverly appeared behind them, a giant grin on her face and carrying a tray, the sight of the big bowl of chili on it making Nico’s stomach grumble.

“Not when you’re carrying that, smells delicious. Sorry, Rosita, I’m leaving you.”

Rosita laughed. “No worries Nico, I know Waverly would fight dirty anyway.”

“Don’t you forget it, Rosie.” Waverly stuck out her tongue at Rosita.

Nico chuckled as he sat down at the table, Waverly placing the tray in front of him with a peck to the top of his head.

“Thank you baby, my stomach won’t stop growling. But hey wait a minute, shouldn’t I be more worried about the two of you, anyway?”

Rosita laughed as Waverly sputtered. “That was one time!”

“Uh huh, baby. Well, warn me if you decide you need a refresher.”

Both women looked at each other and started cracking up.

Rosita wiped away the tears leaking from her eyes. “More likely Wynonna goes vegan. That was a really crazy day.”

“If you’re just gonna talk with it, give it back.” Wynonna leaned between them and plucked the now-cold joint from Nico’s hand & lit it with a flourish. “You’re all missing me messing with Jeremy’s ass, though with Robin here, I should maybe be more specific. I’m sure he’d rather instead.”

“Wy!” Waverly admonished.

Both Jeremy and Robin had turned a deep shade of red, though Jeremy was nodding faintly, shaking himself out of it when he realized he was doing it. He turned to Wynonna, gesturing to the tower.

“You going to take your turn Wynonna? I come from the school of Hard Blocks, so you’re going down!”

The women and Nico looked at each other before they all lost it, Jeremy grinning good-naturedly. Wynonna threw an arm around his shoulders and shook her head fondly. “Kid, we really have to work on your insults.”

Waverly slid onto the bench next to Nico, a hand finding his thigh as she pushed the tray more fully in front of him.

“Eat up, bean pole.”

Nico stuck the tip of his tongue out at her but picked up the spoon, a delighted sound leaving him as he tasted the chili.

“This is amazing, Wave, thank you.”

Waverly nudged him with her shoulder and spoke at a volume only he could hear. “Least I could do with everything going on right now. Maybe you and I could talk about it later? If you want?”

Nico nodded and gave her a small smile, the next spoonful already halfway to his mouth.

She pressed a kiss to his shoulder and rested her head there, the two of them quietly watching the game progress.

—

“Booyah, Wynonna!” Jeremy did a goofy dance of celebration, Wynonna looking on dumbfounded at the brick in her hand and the demolished pile scattered on the ground.

“Wait, how-”

Rosita laughed. “Guess all that shit-talking got you in trouble there in the end, Wy.”

“Well, fuck. Put ‘er here, Chetri.”

They formally shook hands and then Wynonna pulled Jeremy in for a noogie, the scientist yelping and trying to pull away.

“Not the hair, Wynonna!”

“Like Robin isn’t just going to mess it up later, anyway.”

Robin shrugged and grinned.

“That’s not the point Wynonna, I’m trying for an aesthetic.”

“Aesthetic, Jeremy? Who have you been talking to?”

“No one, I’ve just been watching Queer Eye.”

“Jer, you know that show’s for people who aren’t _already_ gay, right?”

“Yes, thank you, Wynonna,” Jeremy did the best to set his hair right with his hands, Robin looking on with a small smile, “but I should still keep up with these things as a millennial gay.”

Wynonna shrugged. “As you like.” She turned to Nico. “And what the hell were you up to today that had my sister all worried? Thought she was about to start sending up smoke signals downriver.”

“Ah-”

“He doesn’t have to talk about it, if he doesn’t want to, Wynonna.” Waverly’s tone brooked no argument and Wynonna held her hands up in mock surrender.

“Don’t shoot, babygirl, I’m just inquiring.”

Nico shrugged and pushed the dinner tray to the side, pulling his rolling materials out of the inside pocket of his vest.

“Not the biggest deal to tell, Waves, and they’ll know once I leave anyway.”

Both Wynonna and Waverly started at that, speaking at the same time.

“What do you mean, once you _leave_?”

“What do you mean, once _you_ leave?”

“Woah ok, one at a time. To answer your question, Wynonna, I stepped away for a few hours to think through some news I received. I uh- friend of the family called to tell me that my grandfather died yesterday. Which would follow to your question Waverly, leaving as in gone to the funeral. I’ll be back, well, if you let me.”

He knew he sounded a little blasé, but he often found the things that hurt him the most he talked the least emotionally about. Hard old habit to break.

“Shit, Nico, I’m sorry. That’s- well, that sucks. We’ll pull down the best whiskey we have for you later, pour one out for him.”

“Thanks Wy, he was a good man, Scots Irish, so he’d appreciate it.”

Waverly was looking at him in a way that read quietly unhappy, but she still had an open outlook toward the rest of the group and he didn’t understand what had caused it. He continued to grind his herb as he studied her face, Waverly seeming to find everything else around them to gaze at to avoid making eye contact.

“So what happened?”

“Wy!” Waverly huffed.

“It’s ok, really,” he reassured his girlfriend. “I uh, well, we hadn’t talked in a while, but the neighbor who called me said that it was his organs, they um, shut down. Decided that almost 99 years of work was enough.”

The quiet that fell over the group was respectful but a little awkward, Jeremy toeing the edge of the fire pit with his shoes.

“Seems to me, a man lives that long, he can’t be anything but a legend.” Doc tipped his hat back with the edge of his whiskey bottle and then inclined it toward Nico, his steel blue eyes honest and direct.

The group turned to him in surprise, but Nico nodded in acknowledgement. “Thanks, Doc. He was quite the storyteller, apt he’d become one too.”

“Is that what he did, write stories?”

The question came from Waverly, spoken small but with interest, and he tried to catch her eye unsuccessfully. He sighed quietly and finished rolling his joint, tucking his supplies back into his vest.

“No, he studied history most of his life, worked as a salesman for a friend’s company for decades. Last thirty years or so of his life though, was spent as a horologist.”

“Dude, your grandpa studied _whores_? How the hell are you so uptight then?” Wynonna smacked his shoulder from her perch on the table and looked at him incredulously; her honest inquiry made him laugh.

“Wy,” he brushed a tear from his eye, chuckling. “Not W-H, but H-O, horology. He studied and repaired _clocks_. All kinds, all sizes, different countries; if it kept time, he knew how to fix it, or he’d learn how to. His friends even called him Doc Clock, which was usually just shortened to Doc, for how good he was with them.”

Doc snorted from his chair, his hat dipped back down over his eyes and his voice came from underneath the brim. “Nickname like that, had to be a good man.” 

Wynonna rolled her eyes at him, but turned back to Nico. “Clocks, not as much up my alley, one extra letter for my taste, but sounds like he had an interesting life. Were you close?”

Nico cackled and shrugged as he lit the joint. “Very, when I was little; he’s my mom’s father, but after she left me and my pop I didn’t see him as much. We sent a lot of mail back and forth though, lots of phone calls, so we kept in touch as I grew up. Once I started down my own road I hid a lot from him and I’m going to have to deal with the consequences of that; we hadn’t talked in going on almost a year. Honestly, I didn’t want to tell him about Shea and the divorce and the fallout from it, didn’t want to disappoint him.”

The group hmm-ed their acknowledgement of his words but weren’t quite sure how to respond to them. The fire popped and crackled behind them, a log shifting as it succumbed to the heat and cracked in half, a shower of sparks sent into the dark night as it fell onto the glowing embers below.

Nico looked down at the joint in his hands and gently rolled the lit cylinder between his fingers, not knowing what to add to the conversation. Thankfully Wynonna came to the invisible rescue.

“Alright. Waverly, go get the Macallan 18 out from behind the bar. Nico’s grandfather deserves the best we’ve got.”

—

The rocks glasses were passed around, each with a generous lashing of the aged whiskey, Nico held it to his nose and breathed in, the scent bringing him right back to sitting next to his grandfather’s leather wing chair after dinner as a small child, both reading well into the evening, his grandfather’s two fingers of whiskey always close by the man’s elbow. They would often discuss their current picks, Nico’s beginning chapter books and his grandfather’s seafaring novels, before Nico had gone to bed, his grandfather bringing stories of history into the discussions, imparting the lessons he felt were important so Nico could learn from the missteps of the past.

Wynonna held her glass up, and tilted her head at Nico.

“Alright pal, best way to toast a man is by a name.”

Nico nodded and let out a breath, holding his own glass aloft as well. “John Francis Ahmuty.”

The assembled raised their glasses in unison. Waverly, Doc, Dolls, Jeremy, Robin, Wynonna and Rosita; in one voice they echoed him.

“John Francis Ahmuty.”

—

Nico followed Waverly up the back stairs of Shorty’s, the exhaustion of the day catching up to him; though he’d napped by accident, he sure didn’t feel rested and the sigh he let out at realizing his body’s tiredness was long and louder than he’d thought, Waverly threw him a concerned glance over her shoulder, though she’d maintained her aloof nature the rest of the evening. Nico knew in time she’d let him know what was up.

He was thankful for this little band, taking his burdens on as their own, wanting to ease his pain in the way they knew how, the toast turning into an evening of each of them sharing stories of loved ones lost and lessons imparted by those long gone. They had sipped their way through the Macallan around the fire and Nico could feel the whiskey in his veins, somehow both dulling and sharpening the ache of his loss equally. The stories had become less magnanimous as the evening had gone on, Wynonna making him laugh by the end with ridiculous stories of family members who had gotten themselves in tight spots and sometimes very dead in entirely stupid ways. He knew he shouldn’t laugh at their untimely demises, but he couldn’t help it, there was humor to be found in the sadness and he gripped tightly to it.

Nico nearly ran into the back of Waverly when she stopped at the entrances to their doors, too lost in his own head.

“Ooh, shit, sorry.” He danced to the side of her, unable to stop his momentum and she turned to catch his awkwardness.

“Are you tired?” The question was asked evenly and Nico quirked an eyebrow.

“Exhausted, but hearing whatever you need to say is more important.”

Waverly studied him for a second and then nodded slightly. “Ok.”

Nico pushed into his room and quickly shrugged out of his vest, hanging it by the door before he stripped off his t-shirt and plopped down onto the bed, reaching for his boot laces. Toeing off the boots, he undid his belt, stood to shuck his pants & sat back down on the bed in his boxer briefs, folding his legs in front of him. He patted the bed next to him.

“Come, sit. I’m all ears."

Waverly came into the room and folded her body next to him, her knees up under her chin. He reached out and grabbed one of her big toes between his thumb and index finger and held it as her arms were wrapped around her legs and he didn’t have a hand to reach for. He grinned at her snort and eye roll, her body relaxing and she unwound her arms, taking his hand from her toe and lacing their fingers together between them on the bed.

“What’s up, Waves? You’ve been quiet all night.”

Waverly sighed and met his eyes, warmth and hesitancy battling it out in her own.

“You know I care about you, right Nico? That I’m in this with you?”

Nico nodded. “Yeah, Waves, why?”

Waverly sighed and squeezed his hand. “I need you to know you don’t have to do this alone.”

He smiled. “I know. And I’m not. Look at tonight, Wynonna went full soft serve on me. She probably won’t ever admit to it after tonight, but that was incredibly sweet of her and I appreciate it, even if she did get me sniffling a bit. It felt good to talk like that, hear all your stories.”

Waverly smiled at him and brought their hands to her lips, kissing the back of his. “Wynonna can surprise you sometimes, when she’s in the mood to, but that’s not what I meant. I don’t want this to sound…self-serving, but can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, baby.”

“Do you need to go to the funeral by yourself?”

Nico quirked his head and thought for a moment, shrugging. “No? I hadn’t really given it much thought, I’ve just always done these things alone, with my pop and all, it’s just what’s been the setup.”

Waverly’s face softened and she gave him a small smile. “I want to be there for you, Nico, if you’ll let me. You have me now and these are the kinds of life events where that comes in handy. I know you’re strong and independent and that’s a lot of why I’m so drawn to you, but in this case, lean on me if you need to. I want to carry what you’re carrying, it doesn’t have to be something you do on your own. So please, I know this is going to be tough, and with your mom there too? I want there to be a safe place for you to run to if it gets to be too much.”

Nico felt his heart swell. He honestly, and had the thought a little guiltily, hadn’t even pictured Waverly going with him to the funeral, had been so used to managing his life without anyone to lean on, he hadn’t thought past his own plans to get where he needed to go to deal with what needed to be dealt with. He looked up at Waverly, her eyes on his, open but full of trepidation. As much as they had been tested in the short amount of time they’d known each other, things going boom and knives and kidnappings; the emotional growth between them had been focused a bit on the fallout of those days, little thought of his yet had been put toward the future, other than hoping Waverly wanted to keep him around.

He pulled himself closer to Waverly, taking both of her hands in his. “I’d be glad to have you with me, Waverly. You’re right, I’ve done this on my own a lot, and yeah, haven’t spared much thought to what it would look like to have someone to share it with because there was no use feeling bad about something I didn’t have and couldn’t make materialize when I needed it. Even with Shae, I realize now I only let her in to a point, and nothing had happened in our lives together to challenge that. It really means a lot that you’d offer, Waverly, that you’d want to be there for me this way.”

“I do, Nico. I know it’s only been months, but I’d be stupid to deny how I feel for you, how deeply I want you in my life. We’ve found something special here and I want to support you, if you’ll let me.” Waverly unbent her knees and scooted over to lean into Nico’s chest, their legs tangling. 

“I want you to know you can share the scary things, the hurt, and the uncertainty. None of what you could share with me will drive me away, Nico, so don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. You have me by your side.”

Nico reached for her hands again and pulled them into his lap, playing with the ring on Waverly’s thumb.

“Thank you, baby, really. This is going to be a lot and I know I’m nowhere near close to processing any of this. To be honest I’m a little numb now,” he paused and in the silence of space Waverly gave him he could hear the faint sounds of the last of Shorty’s patrons. “I don’t even know really, how I feel about the fact that I’ll be seeing my mother soon, for the first time in decades, have to face her and what her leaving did to us, did to me. Will she even recognize me? I know the more my beard grows in the more I look like my pop, will she hold that against me if she does see me? I honestly don’t know. I don’t know her, don’t know who she is. I fought so hard to forget the things about her that made me happy when she was around because they hurt so much when she was gone- the woman I’ll see next week will be a total stranger and as I’m talking now, I realize I don’t know what she’ll want from me. Can we even talk? I spent so long being so angry with her, so broken and stuck on the thought that we must not have been good enough for her to stick around, that _I _wasn’t good enough. It took a long, long time to let go of that notion and I really would hate if all that came rushing back right when I’m trying to get through her father’s funeral.”

He sighed and dropped his head back against the wall. “Ugh, this is a lot.”

Waverly squeezed his hands. “We’ll figure it out.”

Nico made to respond before a yawn interrupted his words and Waverly lifted her head, eyeing him. “Let’s lay down, see if we can’t get some sleep before all the terribly mundane planning has to start tomorrow.”

He nodded, still fighting off the yawn. “Probably a good idea.”

Waverly got up from the bed and stretched, Nico noting the pale skin above the edge of her jean shorts as she did, Waverly smirking at him.

“Get comfy, I’m going to change, be back in a second.”

Nico nodded and pulled the covers out from underneath himself, sliding between the sheets. He reached under and slid off his boxer briefs, tossing them in the hamper with an exaggerated hook shot. His packer got slid into the drawer at the head of the bed and he relaxed into the pillow, catching the sound of a drawer in Waverly’s room closing.

The door to his room opened and Waverly appeared in a thin cotton robe, shutting the door behind her after she stepped through. She let the robe fall off her shoulders before tossing it to the desk chair where it landed in an untidy heap and Waverly shrugged, reaching for the turned down covers.

Nico couldn’t imagine a time he wouldn’t be in awe of Waverly, the sight of the soft planes and gentle curves he’d come to learn still gave him goosebumps every time.

She climbed in behind him and he quirked an eyebrow. Waverly shrugged.

“You need to be the little spoon tonight.”

Nico chuckled and felt Waverly’s arms come around him and pull him tight to her chest, her lips against his shoulder.

He closed his eyes and snuggled further into Waverly’s embrace, his heart easing slightly with her care for him.

—

When Nico woke, Waverly was still wrapped around him from behind, her bony knees poking into the back of his thighs and one arm tightly across his abdomen. Her nose was buried between his shoulder blades and he could feel the soft puffs of air against his skin as she slept on, breathing lightly. It made him smile, the muscles of his face stretching and his jaw cracked, another seemingly permanent reminder of his battles with Red. He massaged the joint with his fingertips and sighed, the flit of a thought about the terrible man’s death reminding him what was currently going on in his life and he smushed his face into his pillow, groaning quietly, the tiniest petulant display he would allow.

Grief was stupid and took up energy and time Nico didn’t want to waste on feeling sad. He knew there would come a time when he would cry, would break down and sit in his loss but that usually happened long after the event had passed. When his grandmother had died in High School, he didn’t end up crying over it until almost a year later, a random memory struck to the front of his brain by a banal association had him suddenly bawling his eyes out on his couch, tears streaming down his face as he ached with the missing of her. He still wasn’t sure he’d truly dealt with his sadness around his Pop, but he also wasn’t sure he ever would.

“You’re thinking really loudly,” the groggy voice from behind him spoke up and he gently turned himself in the bed, kissing Waverly’s forehead as they rearranged themselves, their legs tangling and Nico’s arms around his sleepy girlfriend.

“Sorry baby, just trying to still process, you know my brain, never shuts off. Do you think anyone on this planet truly accepts loss in a healthy way? What is the healthy way? I feel like we’re all too broken sometimes to do this right, that all the motions we go through are just a bandaid for the moment, something to do in public to show we are grieving. I know they say funerals are for the living as the dead can’t enjoy them, but sometimes I wish we did this all differently. I wish I could do this differently.”

“Find something for yourself that you can do differently,” she said through an adorable yawn, her eyes scrunched up tight.

“Like what?”

Waverly shrugged and snuggled in closer to him, her skin soft against his. “Is there anything you think about when you think of your grandfather that is solely his?”

Nico absently stroked the skin of her back underneath his hands and thought about everything he had associated with his grandfather

“Well, the first thing that comes to mind is his pocket watch, but I have to go retrieve that from home when we get there, I put it somewhere safe back in High School; was planning on wearing it to the funeral. Beyond that, it would be all his genealogy files. He was absolutely dedicated to finding out everything about our family history and found out a great deal. The Ahmuty name goes all the way back to the Picts, which is pretty cool. In the sixties he hired a man to research the coat of arms of the family and had illustrations painted for each one of his siblings, even had it pressed into a signet ring that he always wore. For some reason the siblings were never given the prints, I have them all stored with some of my Pop’s stuff. I used to borrow the ring when I was little, he joked once that it proved that way back when we were royalty, but I know now that wasn’t the case. Fired up my imagination like crazy as a kid though. I wonder which child of his will take it, or if they’ll bury him with it.”

Waverly traced the outline of his chest tattoo as she listened. For how often she did it as they lay talking, Nico figured she could draw it in her sleep, might even know its turns now as well as he did.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing the prints when we visit, if that’s ok with you. I like learning about your family, about your past. Things we’ve been caught up in here hasn’t really left much room for that, and well, you know. Most of my family is gone, and other than the name we were left with, there’s not much family history known.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know, Waves. I’m an open book, for you.”

Waverly tapped the skin above his heart with her fingertips as she smiled a soft smile up at him. “You have a good one, in here, Nico. Pretty hard to resist.” 

Nico shifted in the bed and pressed the length of his body to Waverly’s, her slight amused eye raise making both of them smile, Waverly’s hand sliding up his chest to curl in the too-long hair at the nape of his neck.

“Good thing you don’t have to.”

Nico leaned forward to kiss Waverly when-

“Hey you assholes!!”

Nico and Waverly sighed and looked at the door, Nico getting up out of bed with a huff and pulling on Waverly’s robe so he could answer it.

“Damn Haught flash, that little robe just for me? I wasn’t aware summer floral was really your colorway.”

Nico rolled his eyes so far he could feel the stretch and sighed, even as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He folded his arms loosely across his chest.

“What can I do for you at this early hour?”

“Get dressed. We’ve got a surprise.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “A surprise? Wy, you know how early it is, right? How are you even awake?”

Wynonna punched him in the shoulder. “Ha! Joke’s on you, thinking I’ve slept yet! Just be glad I’m not driving. The big green beast is leaving in fifteen, so you and the little barnacle-who-could need to get dressed and get your asses downstairs. We will wait for you, but we won’t _wait_ for you. Dolls says he’s too hungry to be polite this morning.”

Nico snorted. “When has Dolls ever been on anyone else’s schedule?”

Wynonna smiled saucily and turned to head down the stairs. “When he’s on _mine_.”

Nico inclined his head and quirked his brows, she wasn’t wrong. He turned back into the room and shut the door, shedding the robe. He sat on the edge of the bed, Waverly sitting up and curling around him from the back, her chin landing on his shoulder.

“So we’re on an adventure?”

Nico nodded and covered Waverly’s hands, wrapped around his chest. “Wynonna wasn’t wrong, calling you a barnacle.”

Waverly bit his shoulder gently. “But I’m your barnacle, so it’s ok.”

Nico chuckled and pulled one of her hands away from his body to kiss the palm. “Cutest barnacle I know.”

Waverly pretended to make a retching noise before laughing. “We’re so corny.”

Nico chuckled. “Corny and left hungry if we don’t get dressed; I know Wy was joking, I think, but I still wouldn’t be surprised if Dolls left us behind.”

Waverly unwound herself and slid to the edge of the bed, Nico’s eyes ever unable to not follow the movement of all that skin. She slipped out of bed and donned the robe.

“See you downstairs in a few, then?”

Nico gave her a thumbs up and turned to his modest collection of clothing, debating what to pull on. He could feel the sadness of the day before’s news still weighing on him, and knew the feeling wouldn’t go away for a while, but it already felt too exhausting. If he had his way, he’d turn back over and pull the covers up, but he knew the rest of the crew was waiting for him and he had to show face.

He reached for the closest tee and tossed it on, idly wondering what trouble Wynonna was going to get them into now.

—

“So where are we going?” Nico called from the back of the green behemoth, wedged in the last seat between Waverly and Rosita, his long legs bent high in front of him.

Wynonna turned around from the front seat and yelled back, “You don’t get to know until we get there! That’s how a surprise works, young padawan!”

Doc nudged his knee with the arm he had slung across the back of the seat in front of them, his sunglasses on and hat tipped low.

“Best just hold on for the ride, young Haught, who knows what Wynonna has set her mind to.” Doc gave him a small smile and then tugged his hat lower, resting his head back and seeming to immediately fall asleep.

Waverly nuzzled his ear with her nose as Dolls drove on, heading south as far as he could tell, though he knew their destination could be nearly anywhere with Wynonna making the plans.

“How are you feeling?” The question came quietly, and he gave Waverly a small shrug.

“Tired,” he answered honestly. “I haven’t heard yet the exact details of what’s going to happen, I know it’s only been half a day, but it makes me feel stuck not to be able to plan, and that makes me sad, and the sad makes me tired.”

Waverly kissed his cheek softly. “Good thing I’m a planner, there’s all the little things we can dive into, make some small decisions, if that will help- where you want to get your suit, all the places that meant something to you when you were little that I need to see, ooh, good food...”

Nico turned his head to smile at his girlfriend and felt thankful again that the hazel-eyed goddess next to him decided that he was the human she wanted. The way her brain worked, always looking for solutions to make everyone’s life better, making efforts to soothe and repair; he was constantly in awe of the spaces she saw that needed care, how she always endeavored to do good. He knew he was already hurtling past being just in like, or caring about Waverly, he knew he was quickly falling for her, in a big messy way.

“You’re amazing, Waves.”

Waverly blushed faintly but smiled at him, the edges of her eyes crinkling in the way he knew he’d never grow sick of and he felt a rush of affection for the brunette that overpowered his sadness. He lifted one hand and brushed a few wayward hairs out of her eyes before leaning forward to gently press their lips together.

“Hey, hey, none of that while I’m back here too!”

Rosita playfully smacked his shoulder, grinning at his stuck out tongue when he and Waverly parted.

“Can’t help you’re just jealous, Rosie, you had your chance!”

“Hah!” Rosita snorted with laughter and thumped her hand down on the seatback in front of her, Doc snorting in his sleep but continuing his nap, oblivious to the play-fighting beginning behind him.

Waverly reached across Nico and started to tickle Rosita, who gave as good as she got, Nico laughing and squirming as he was stuck between the two battling women, Jeremy turned around in his seat to watch the antics.

“HEY! Knock it off back there, or so help you I will turn this shit around and no one will have any fun!” Wynonna glared at them from the front seat and the three of them just laughed harder, Waverly finding a roll of TP and threatening to toss it at her sister.

“Do we get a hint?” Rosita called.

“You use your mouth a lot!” Wynonna yelled back.

“What the hell kind of clue is that?”

“The only one you’re getting!”

Dolls tapped the brakes a bit more than necessary and they all bounced off the seat in front of them, the big man’s devious grin reflected at them from the rearview mirror.

“Settle down kids, we’re almost there.”

—

They pulled into a parking spot on the edge of the street and spilled out of the vehicle, Doc stretching and yawning as he emerged, the rest rolling out in a laughing, chattering mess. Wynonna set a brisk pace for the door of a low slung peacock blue painted building across the street and held it open with a flourish, beckoning everyone in.

“Surprise! Let’s go! I’m hungry!”

Nico snickered and felt Waverly loop her arm through his, Rosita slipping hers through Waverly’s other, Jeremy following along behind, trying to read something off his phone screen as they crossed the street. Doc occasionally bumped him to keep him on course, his eyes glued to the device. Dolls tossed the keys up over his shoulder from behind his back and caught them deftly, sliding his shades down off his forehead with a wink toward Nico.

“Hope you’ve got an empty belly.”

Nico looked up at the bright red awning, the name of the café in large white letters across it as they approached, a lettered sign hanging off the side of the building reading “Beth’s Café: I’d Be Vegan Too, If Bacon Grew On Trees.” Nico snorted with laughter and nudged Waverly’s attention toward the sign, grinning. She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head as he licked his lips, pushing him toward the door.

—

Nico’s eyes took a moment to adjust as he walked in, his nose immediately picking up the strong scent of cooking breakfast and well-brewed coffee, the beautiful smell of bacon causing his stomach to growl loudly and Waverly looked over, poking him in the stomach.

“Sounds like part of you is really happy about the surprise.”

Nico grinned, “I am always in the mood for breakfast.”

As they were settled around a long table in the back of the restaurant Nico couldn’t stop staring at the walls of the building, not a piece of the original space to be seen, every surface covered in drawings, coloring book pages and doodles of past diners. Some showed their age, roughened edges and faded colors, some bright and pristine as if they were tacked up that morning. His eyes picked out the ones he liked best, different subjects, skill levels and styles but all little drawings made by someone who took the time to be creative and he appreciated that. Waverly pointed out a few the crew had done on their last visit, a “modesty” sticky-note covering part of Wynonna’s, tacked almost at the line of the ceiling, as if that would save it from ever getting the boot.

Their menus arrived and they poured over the endless options, Nico’s eyes growing wide as he looked down the line of omelette options, the behemoth creations coming in six and twelve-egg configurations. He licked his lips when he read all-you-can-eat hash browns and Waverly giggled from beside him, Doc gesturing to the menu from his other side.

“Not sure what your breakfast of choice is, but the flapjacks are almost as good as the ones I ate as a youth.”

Wynonna leaned across the table. “And how many centuries ago was that, old man?”

Doc’s eyebrow raised above his menu, his moustache twitching. “Enough that I have no problem putting you over my knee, Earp.”

“Oh, really?” Wynonna leaned across the table even further, hooking a finger on the edge of his menu and pulling it to the table.

“Yes, ma’am, which I believe I’ve proven a time or two already.” Doc’s smile was small but devious and Nico tried to muffle his laughter into his menu as Waverly made grossed out noises next to him.

Wynonna gave him a saucy grin. “May need a refresher on that later, gunslinger.”

“Ok, ok, I’d like to keep my appetite, thank you very much.” Rosita threw a creamer packet at Wynonna from the other side of Doc, her aim true, the little container landing perfectly in Wynonna’s cleavage.

“Score!”

_“Hey!”_

“This a bad time?” The heavily inked and pierced server appeared at the end of the table, halting Wynonna’s movement to open the container before she threw it back at Rosita, who wouldn’t have noticed, her interest completely and immediately on the newcomer.

“Never.”

The server smiled cutely at Rosita and then regarded them all. “So. What can I get you folks?” 

—

Nico leaned back from the table and rubbed his overly full belly, the six egg omelette a delicious challenge he had stepped up for and demolished, his endless hash browns having also barely survived the melee.

“Poor baby, eyes bigger than your stomach?” Waverly smiled at him, teasing and he nodded.

“Deliciously bigger.”

Wynonna was building a little wobbly tower with the leftover creamers and jelly packets, one corner of her tongue sticking out of her mouth as she concentrated. Both Dolls and Doc were looking on fondly, while Rosita had convinced the server to take part of her break with them, the two leaning ever closer into their conversation, oblivious to the world around them. Jeremy sat like a neat pillar between them all, daintily wiping his mouth on a napkin and reading from an article on his phone, his facial expression only changing when Nico could tell he’d received a text from Robin.

Doc sipped at his chicory, almost managing to keep his moustache above the steaming liquid and gestured to Nico. “You know when you’re heading out for the services?”

Nico shook his head. “Not yet, but I hope I know soon, plane tickets are going to be a hell of a thing.”

Wynonna’s head shot up from where she’d been balancing some drink stirrers on her creation. “You don’t have to worry about that Haught, your trip is on Clootie, whatever you need. Old hag’s money should go for paying for something better than evil. I’m not saying first class, you’re not _that_ special, but we’ll make it so you don’t have to hang on to the wing.”

Nico couldn’t lie, even just hearing that helped some of his anxiety to fade, he hadn’t thought through it so far, not having the dates of the services yet, but he knew even with what he had made as a part of the crew post-Clootie, his bank account was going to take quite a hit for the trip.

“I- thank you, Wy. Can’t tell you how much that will help.”

“Well, I figure Waves here would eat a steak before she let you go alone, so I gotta take care of her, my wee baby sister and all.”

Waverly’s snort was loud and amused. “This coming from the same sister who once threw a sleeping bag at my head and told me to suck it up when we lost power in the middle of February during a freak snow storm?”

Wynonna shrugged. “What? I’ve softened with age. Plus, I like him better.”

“Hey!”

Nico laughed, getting an elbow to the ribs for it from Waverly, but it just made him laugh harder.

“Even so, Wy, thank you. It’s one less thing for me to worry about.”

“That’s what we’re here for. Earp Travel, destination…wherever the fuck you’re headed.”

—

It took five days before all the preparations were in place, tickets purchased and bags packed. The services were going to be on a Thursday afternoon, the funeral the following morning, Waverly and Nico scheduled to get in early the Wednesday afternoon before.

Nico zipped his bag up for what he hoped was the final time, trying to quell the anxiety in his belly by triple checking he’d grabbed everything he needed. Knowing how stressed and anxious the weekend was going to make him, he’d sent a package ahead of their leaving, a bit of herb in case he needed it to moderate how he was feeling in the moment. He’d spoken to Rafe a few days earlier, everything set up for his and Waverly’s arrival later that day, his Pop’s car waiting for them at the airport.

Nico looked down at his small duffle, his suit and shoes to be purchased once they landed, and sighed. He’d tried to stay open and present while working through his grief, not keeping Waverly, Wynonna and the crew at a distance as he would have normally. There were a few tough moments between he and Waverly across the days, their approach to dealing with their pain quite different.

Waverly, more frustrated than he had realized, had taken him aside the day before and pulled him into a hammock, their bodies tangling as they swung gently in the suspended cloth.

_“Nico?”_

_“Yeah, Waves?”_

_“Is- is there something else you need from me?”_

_“What do you mean?"_

_“I just- I know we all get through these things differently, but it just feels like there’s something else you’re almost saying, but don’t want to. A part of you, you don’t want me to see. I just want you to know you don’t have to hide anything, not even the parts that aren’t so great. I’m here Nico, for everything. Please don’t hide it from me. If you don’t want to share it, I can understand, but don’t think you need to be more than who you are for me right now. I want to see all of you, Nico.”_

_He’d wrapped his arms around Waverly, as best he could in the space. He knew what she was speaking of, the least healthy of the ways in which his body ached to solve his sadness, ways in which he had relied on heavily after his Pop had died, and although he knew they worked, on the surface, he hadn’t wanted to bring that down on the woman he was quickly associating with the word forever. _

_Nico had taken the moment to figure out how he wanted to tell Waverly what he had been holding back, his fingers absently stroking through her hair. To her credit, Waverly had given him the space to think, and he knew, even as he was about to open his mouth, that in front of him was an extraordinary woman. _

_He blew out a breath and met Waverly’s curious eyes. _

_“I was a wreck when my Pop died, full of anger and hurt and despair and rage and confusion and everything else that goes into losing someone you love in a random and bullshit way when you’re not expecting it. I was living alone, had few friends nearby as I’d just finished school and was between places to live, crashing at the clubhouse, and I fell into some pretty unhealthy patterns. Unfortunately for those patterns, they worked quite well in calming my fury, at least through the worst hours.”_

_“And when were the worst hours?”_

_Nico grimaced and blew out another breath. “From when the sun went down until it came back up again.”_

_Waverly’s eyes widened a bit, though she stayed silent, motioning for him to continue. _

_Nico swallowed and did so. _

_“I know we haven’t delved too deep into this part of our histories, but I spent a lot of time hopping beds, putting all my anger into the motions of my hips, trying to,” he laughed ruefully at himself, “rut out of me all that pain. I don’t know how many people I slept with, Waverly, it wasn’t my strongest moment, but it helped. I can’t say it didn’t. I tried working out, running from the rush the sex gave me, but it was only how my bedmates responded to my energy and my drive that beat back how I was feeling, how they went nuts for my aggression. They begged me to take out on them how I felt, and I did. I wasn’t in control. But I was alone. Angry. Touch starved. And it worked. Now though, now I’m not alone, and I don’t want that easy out to call too loudly to me. I don’t want to even accidentally use you that way. You mean too much to me, Waves.”_

_Waverly took a long breath and nodded once, slowly, as she let the breath go; Nico could feel a knot of anxiety growing in his chest that had nothing to do with the funeral. Saying you could tell someone anything is one thing, actually meaning it and standing by it was a whole other beast. _

_“I’m glad you told me. I wasn’t expecting you to say anything like that, but thank you for being honest with me. You were a person in pain, answering that pain with the tools you had in front of you. I wouldn’t hold that against you Nico, though I hope you were being safe. Now, it is different. You _do_ have me. You don’t have to be touch starved. Would that help, being touched more? You know I will never turn down more opportunities to be near you.” _

_Those hazel eyes sparkled at him as her lips turned up and Nico found himself in awe again of the woman before him. _

_“How are you so incredible, Waverly?”_

_Waverly had chuckled somewhat sadly but smiled still. “The Earp middle name might as well be Trauma. I had to learn how to not let it eat me alive and destroy all the good parts of myself I liked. You’ve kept your soft parts, handsome, or you wouldn’t be in this hammock, and that took work too.”_

_She shrugged and played with the undone buttons of his flannel. “Every person can only do as well in the moment as they have learned to, as well as they adapted to. And sometimes there are things we cannot overcome, but most of the time, even if it’s excruciatingly painful, we can find our way through it. Then, that was what you believed you had as an option in front of you to process your pain. You just showed me you already know that’s no longer the case. I can see you’ve grown.”_

_Nico blinked. “Wow. I- thank you. I know there is a lot we haven’t even touched the surface of yet, and I’d be glad to, but Waverly, I’m so utterly grateful we found each other. I don’t think you know how lucky I feel right now, how supported. I said it that first night we spent together, and I haven’t been wrong about it yet. I’ll freely admit it, I’m smitten as hell with you, baby.”_

_Waverly had tipped her head up and kissed him gently, both of them getting lost in the sensation, staying quite wrapped up in each other until Wynonna had snuck up and caught them unawares, flipping the hammock over on them, their bodies landing in an ungainly heap on the ground. At the look on Waverly’s face, Wy had lit out for the swinging back door and was out of sight inside the bar before Nico had even righted himself, one foot still caught in the twisted material. _

_Looking over at him, Waverly had just laughed, her stormy expression smoothing away in an instant, Nico having attempted to hop on one foot while he extricated the other from the hammock. She had laughed until tears streamed down her face and he had smiled and continued to hop until his foot was free, perfectly alright with being the basis of her laughter. _

_—_

“Now, you’re traveling with precious cargo, so act accordingly. My babygirl better come back in one piece, I know how those Irish funerals can be.”

Nico laughed. “Lapsed Catholics here, mostly, I think we party less hard because we’ve let go of feeling so bad about our sins, but yes, I will return Waves as I found her.”

“We both know it’s already too late for that, you’re Haught blooded.” Wynonna cackled at her own joke before she was propelled back toward the Jeep, Waverly shaking her head at her sister.

“Do you spend time at night thinking of these or do you just come up with them on the spot? You know- I don’t want to know. Go on, shoo, we have a flight to catch.”

“Alright, alright, fine. Go get on your sky machine. Nico, you need anything, you let us know. We’re in your corner. We believe in you. You can do it! We few, we happy few- pick your inspirational slogan. But really, need something, text Jeremy, I’ll be busy.”

Nico chuckled. “Thanks Wy.”

“Babygirl, be safe, don’t get lost in the desert, eat a lot of tacos and make sure Nico doesn’t do anything stupid. I love you.”

“Love you too, Nonna."

Wynonna winked at Nico. “You’re alright too, Haught.”

Nico tipped an invisible hat.

Wynonna turned and headed toward the Jeep, Dolls revving the engine and waving. The rest of the gang had said their goodbyes back at Shorty’s and they all knew, though sad, the trip wouldn’t be a long one.

Nico reached out for Waverly’s hand as they moved toward the security line, squaring his shoulders before joining the queue. Flying While Trans could in one second become a horrible adventure and he hoped today Wilbur and Orville would look down on him with kindness.

His hopes were rewarded and in what felt like no time at all, they were seated together on the plane, Nico trading seats with Waverly so she could look out the window; both of them watching as lush green mountains gave way to farmland that gave way to the sprawling red rock of the deserts of southern Arizona.

As the Captain gave the announcement that they were preparing to land, Nico realized he truly was going to have to face what was ahead and all of the distraction of Waverly’s glee during the flight immediately dissipated.

—

The first blast of hot desert air went straight to Nico’s bones, the feeling of being home waking up within his body at the call of the heat. Waverly slipped on the sunglasses Nico had suggested she bring, the glare of the midday sun strong off of every available shiny surface. The asphalt shimmered in the heat, Nico’s eyes searching for the arrows that would point them in the direction of the lot Rafe had parked his Pop’s car in.

He felt Waverly’s hand slip into his own as he searched and he squeezed when their fingers laced together, finding her presence immensely comforting in a way he had never had the chance to experience; knowing he wasn’t alone in his travels left a weight off his shoulders, something else he didn’t have to carry along with everything else.

“So this is home, huh?” Waverly wheeled her small sparkly purple suitcase next to him and looked out at the setup of Sky Harbor International.

“Well, once we get in the car and drive about, what time is it, two thirty? Trip should take less than an hour, it’s not quite rush hour beginnings yet, but we are going to barely squeak past it. Once we get across the city, theeen it will be home. Or, where I grew up. I’m finding home more in people these days.” Nico smiled at Waverly and her returning grin had bystanders tripping over themselves. Nico couldn’t blame them, he still wasn’t used to how his heart would thump so hard every time her smile was turned his way.

—

“This is your Pop’s car? Wow.”

Nico reached under the rear bumper and found the hidden key, opening Waverly’s door for her before he opened his own, tossing his duffle in the back seat.

“Prize of my Pop’s garage. Give me a second and I’ll get the ac running, you don’t want to sit down in there quite yet, you’ll flash fry.”

Waverly still hadn’t taken her eyes off the car, and honestly, Nico could understand. His Pop’s 1970 ‘Cuda shone in its Plum Crazy paint, the black hardtop gleaming under the noon sun. The chrome was as shiny as it had been on the assembly plant floor and the low spoiler on the back screamed speed. It was nearly four thousand pounds of American Muscle, over three hundred horsepower and Nico _loved _to drive it and watch everything disappear into the rear view.

He ducked into the stifling hot interior and started the car up, its throaty purr a balm to the stress of the day. He flipped on the AC and rolled his window down before stepping back out of the car and leaving the heavy door wide open.

“Nico, it’s so beautiful.”

Nico grinned and came around her side of the car, placing her suitcase in the back seat and rolling the passenger window down too.

“Hey, you match!” Nico grinned and pointed at her suitcase, the color only a few shades off from the car.

“Ha! Nifty.”

Waverly stepped away from the car and finally looked up at her surroundings, the distant hazy mountains breaking jaggedly into the sky, the endless asphalt and the red rock beyond.

“This is so different from back home.”

Nico smiled at his girlfriend and came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her, his chin resting on her shoulder.

“I’ll make sure you see some things before we head back, promise it won’t all be serious business.”

Waverly turned to look at him, shifting in his arms. “_If_ we get to it. Most important thing is the reason we came. Anything I get to see is just extra. We’re here for _you_.”

Nico squeezed her lightly. “I at least have to bring you to my favorite fast food Mexican joint, the food is incredible and we can take it back with us to the clubhouse if we want, eat and decompress there. After that we’ll have to decide on getting the shopping part of the day done.”

“Don’t worry about that, we’ve got an appointment for your suit later on, I’ll just give you the directions.”

“Wait, what?”

Waverly kissed him on the cheek. “I told you, I’m a planner. I made a few calls before we left.”

Nico let out a delighted laugh. “I’ll just follow your lead then, Waves.”

“Darn right, you will.”

—

El Mirage.

His hometown.

Here he was again.

The thirty thousand-odd person ramshackle town he had grown up in was now surrounded by the once-as-small, now sprawling, nearly one hundred and forty soul strong city of Surprise; he barely recognized it for all its changes, they’d been the same size when he left. There were whole neighborhoods, swaths of the city to drive through that hadn’t existed before. His eyes were glued to the scenery almost as much as Waverly’s, the brunette sitting forward in her seat as she took in the view through the windshield.

They’d stopped at Carolina’s in Peoria, getting more tacos and burritos and rice and beans than they could have ever have eaten in one meal on their own, Waverly dead set on making a good first impression at the clubhouse. Nico joked the whole crew would be trying to woo her away if she fed them, Waverly throwing a wrapped taco at him as she stuck her tongue out and laughed.

When it had been built, the clubhouse was far on the outskirts of town, miles of empty land around most of it, the property right up on the edge of the Agua Fria River. The Luke Air Force Base was not far away, his Pop teaching him when he was little the different kinds of planes and what they all did; even now he could see the trails of jets that had taken off not long before. 

On the drive out to the clubhouse Nico could see everything had changed in the once quiet area; but for the other auto shops and service related businesses, it was now a bustling suburb, the tract housing neighborhoods stacked on top of each other.

Waverly was entranced, pointing out every oddly shaped cactus, classic car in perfect condition thanks to the desert air and any cutely named business. They’d gotten stuck at a railroad crossing and the brunette had grinned, theorizing on where it was going and what was inside, her childlike glee taking the edge off the anxiety within him that had steadily risen the closer they got to town.

At last they had reached it, and Nico pulled the ‘Cuda through the open chain link fence surrounding the compound and parked to the left of the end of the long low-slung clubhouse, the garage beyond them, a flurry of activity visible through the open bay doors that halted immediately at their arrival. A cheer went up when Nico stepped out of the car, a genuine smile across his face as he waved his hello to the crew he could see, Rafe making his way across the space to shake his hand and offer his condolences.

Waverly, of course, was instantly beloved, the biggest and the baddest bikers of the crew melting when they met her, calling her “Miss Waverly” and assuring her they were at her service, the proffered food cementing her angelic status among them. Nico found it endlessly amusing and not at all surprising; if their visit was for happier reasons, he could see Waverly easily leading the crew into whatever plan she found of interest. As it was, her gentle manner charmed everyone she came across.

Rafe had set them up in the clubhouse visitor’s quarters, his Pop’s rooms now Rafe’s as was his due as the President of the club, and Nico was fine with that, he’d crashed in the suite they were shown to on breaks during college and felt comfortable there, something he knew would help the next few days.

“This place is so interesting.” Waverly flung herself backward across the bed, bouncing slightly as she landed, her toes wiggling in her light blue socks as she stretched and yawned, reaching for a pillow.

Nico nodded distractedly and took in the black and white portraits on the walls depicting various eras of muscle car and motorcycle history, other spaces taken up by vintage tin advertisements, tasteful pin up girl illustrations from World War II and sundry bits of accrued flotsam. The suite was at the end of the long side of the “L” of the building, thankfully away from most of the noise. With the tiny fridge in the corner cabinet and its own bathroom and shower, there were few reasons to brave the common areas if you didn’t have to.

He collapsed on the bed next to Waverly after he’d toed off his boots, folding his hands behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. Waverly moved over to him, tucking her head on his chest under his chin and slipping her hand under the edge of his tee to draw absent patterns on the skin of his stomach.

They laid there quietly for a good ten minutes, Nico getting deep in his thoughts about who he was the last time he slept in the bed he was laying on, a lost, anguished younger version of himself, trying to come to grips with being the last member of his immediate family, burying his father and trying to fathom what life would look like without his Pop in it. He was sadly bemused by the reflection of this visit, still burying someone he loved, but this time being forced to interact with family that had decided to leave him behind.

He had no idea what his mother could be like now, who she was as a person, if she had grown. Did she regret leaving behind a crooked-smiled redheaded child on that night all those years ago? He hadn’t heard from her past that night and yeah, he hadn’t tried to reconnect with her either, but it wasn’t his job to make things right. The forced interaction of a funeral could bring so many different outcomes to their “reunion,” he didn’t know what she would ask of him, could want from him. What if she continued to ignore him, acted like he wasn’t there? Surely she’d gotten in decades of practice by now, but he didn’t know what would hurt worse- her seeing him again and acting like things were fine, or seeing him again and reinforcing how little she felt for him.

And that was the other big mystery. How did he go about, if he even wanted to, letting his mother know who he was? On one hand, there were quite a few redheads in his family, on both sides, so he wouldn’t exactly stick out there, but he also looked more and more like his father as his years of taking T went on; would she react with disgust seeing who he had become?

“Sounds noisy in there.”

Nico let out a little huff and a quiet half-laugh. “Honestly wouldn’t be surprised if you could hear all the gears turning. Being here makes it all that much more real. I know I’m here for my grandfather but right now all I can worry about is my mother.”

Waverly lifted her head up and flipped over so she could make eye contact, leaning into him with one hand reaching up to brush hair off his face.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Nico shrugged and moved to lay on his side, head resting in one palm, the other tangling with Waverly’s between them.

“I just don’t know who she is now. And I’m working on a rather thin amount of information as it is. She left when I was so young, I have no idea who she is as a person, and little about who she is as a parent. Before she left, there were good moments, I can’t ignore that; times we went for ice cream, or she let me stay up late to finish a movie with her. I was only five, but I still remember the nights she read to me before I fell asleep, her picking me up at school or taking me to t-ball. She was a mother in there, even though I remember all the screaming fights they thought I wasn’t awake for too. I couldn’t hear them well, the floorboards muddled their voices too much but I could hear the tone, the sharpness. There were a lot of those before she left. And maybe I was too young to know why they were fighting, that if I had known I would have understood why she left. Maybe it was only the leaving that made her a villain. But then, she didn’t take me _with_ her, so I don’t know.”

He met her eyes with a forlorn smile. “She hasn’t seen me either and that’s another big mystery. Will she recognize me? Am I going to have to introduce myself and out myself twice over in the same sentence to my mother after not seeing her in two decades just to have a conversation? Can I even handle that? Do I want to pull attention to myself in the middle of what should be a reflection of my grandfather’s life? Does it mean I should just make things easier for everyone and stay out of their hair, keep to the shadows, mourn from afar? I don’t want my presence to cause a ruckus, don’t want to upset anyone. I have no idea who these people are now, my grandfather was the only person I really spoke to on that side of the family, I never knew my aunts, or their kids. My grandfather would mention them, but we’d never met. When my mom walked out, she took nearly the whole rest of the family with her. And what if she _does_ want to talk? What about? Is she still angry? Does she even know Pop is gone? Is she going to want to talk about it? Obviously what they had wasn’t perfect, but I don’t want to hear what she thinks about him if it’s bad. Or mean. Even if it could be the truth. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. He meant everything. He was there. _He stayed_.”

Waverly was looking at him with a tenderness and vulnerability he wanted to lose himself in. He’d never felt like this with someone before, that he could just word vomit out all his fears and know that Waverly would not turn from him or judge him or hold his weaknesses against him. It was a trust he found hard to give, his habits to protect himself were so deeply ingrained, but he worked hard at letting Waverly in. From the moment he had stumbled into the van next to her after his kidnapping and had seen the deep lines of worry on her face from his days of absence, he had known things were different, _she_ was different. And maybe it took an extreme situation to teach him, but he wasn’t going to let go of the trust and care and lo- well, affection, she had for him.

Nico knew, however, he was pretty damn close to accepting that four letter word when it came to Waverly. He could point out to himself they barely knew each other, it had only been four months, stressful situations magnify feelings, ridiculously good sex was a drug; the honest truth was though that he was starting to find it hard to want to see his life without Waverly in it. He’d tried so hard to show her how much she meant to him after they’d taken out Clootie, how amazing he thought she was; part was yeah, to make up for how he figured Champ had sucked at that, but most was because he knew she deserved it. He took every opportunity to do things for her, cooking meals, little outings, bringing back flowers he might have seen growing while out on Talulah. He wanted her to feel seen, and let’s face it, loved.

Wooing Waverly was like getting to reread a beloved novel and finding every time you picked it up there was a new beautiful chapter waiting for you. He was endlessly fascinated by every facet of her personality, constantly awed by the size of her heart and had seen the depth of her strength, he’d follow her into battle with no hesitation.

He laughed at himself in his head, all of his thinking passing in seconds, Waverly waiting for him to continue speaking but now all he could think of was the person he had found, who had found him. It seemed so stupid, especially in the face of death and family that left and pain and loneliness to fight against the feeling because of the stigma of a word.

Nico loved Waverly.

He sighed out a long breath, still looking into the hazel eyes of the most amazing woman he’d ever met and he accepted the truth of his heart. He was deliriously head over heels, yet entirely calm, terribly centered and _wholly_ in love with Waverly Earp.

The rush he felt at the acceptance was only tempered by the current circumstance, all of his worries still hanging over his head, he knew the days ahead would be tough, there was no way around it, but for the first time, Nico let Waverly’s earlier words truly sink in. He didn’t have to do all of it alone. He wasn’t alone anymore.

“I- Waverly, I’m so thankful for you.” Waverly started at that, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

“Bit of a topic shift there, Nico.” She smiled warmly at him even so, and he knew he had to tell her.

“Yeah, suppose it is, but at the same time, not really at all. You’ve brought so much to my life these last four months, Waverly, let me in to your world and your home and your heart. Even now, letting me throw all my anxiety at you, my sadness, that’s a big thing. You’ve been there for me to a level no one has before, made me feel safe enough to lay myself bare, in all the ways a human can. I don’t say this because I need to hear it back, or know where you stand. I need you to know this because to not say it would be dishonest, would negate the meaning you have to me, the space you occupy in my heart and mind.”

Waverly had a small still slightly confused look on her face and he couldn’t resist dipping forward to place a sweet kiss on her lips before making eye contact again.

“Waverly Earp, I love you.”

Waverly’s cheeks immediately tinted pink, her eyes got lost in crinkles and she dove forward, her head burying into his chest with a squeak. Her arms came around him and squeezed, his own wrapping around her as well, a laugh bubbling to his lips. He kissed the top of her head and held her tightly.

His lips brushed her hair as he asked quietly, “Is that ok with you?”

Nico felt the aggressive nodding against his sternum and a grin spread across his face. Waverly pulled back, her eyes shining brilliantly, the gold flecks of the hazel radiating. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him long and deep, their lips pressed together, almost chase but full of emotion. The brunette broke the kiss to rest her forehead against his.

“It’s definitely ok with me, Nico. Definitely. You mean more to me than anyone has, beyond Wynonna. I want you in my life. I want you near me. For as long as that can possibly happen.”

“Good. I wouldn’t know how to let you go quite yet.”

“Be glad you don’t have to find out then.”

“Absolutely.”

—

Waverly had given a swift glance to the clock on the bedside table before pulling him into one of the hottest and most teasing make out sessions he’d thus experienced, when they had left for the mysterious suit appointment, his hair was all over the place, his head was spinning and the ache between his legs was deep, but he didn’t care, couldn’t care- the girl he loved had accepted that love and that’s all that mattered.

His girlfriend’s directions, the selfsame declaree who was sitting next to him looking just as giddy as he felt, had led him to a rather upscale tailor in Glendale, a few towns over, and a fancy corner of their shopping district he’d never visited. As they stepped out of the loud ‘Cuda and walked down the block toward the shop, he knew they stuck out a little from the usual crowd, his leather vest and thick soled boots quite different from the well-heeled clientele in their shiny Oxfords and crisply laundered summer suits.

Nico felt his anxiety rising a bit the closer to the shop they got, the dismissive looks of other patrons doing little to dissuade him, he leaned in towards Waverly, his voice low.

“Are you sure this place is for us? I don’t know if a dose of dysphoria is really what the doctor ordered today.”

Waverly looped her arm through his and squeezed, her smile reassuring. “Trust me, Nico. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

The shop awning read “Paisley & Co.” and Nico took in the mannequins in each window display, their expensive looking suits showing off cravats and perfect pocket squares. He lifted an eyebrow at Waverly but she just shook her head good-naturedly and pushed him toward the door.

A little bell rung somewhere in the shop as they entered, Nico’s eyes taking a moment to adjust to the dimmer space. The wide planked well-worn wood floor squeaked a little as they stepped further into the store, the back wall ahead of them lined with artfully displayed bolts of fabrics, the others covered in framed portraits of vintage models, though as he stepped closer to one he realized the subject was not what he had expected. He followed with his eyes to the next portrait, then the next, a smile starting to form on his lips as he turned back to Waverly.

“You found a _queer_ tailor?”

Waverly’s grin was wide. “What? Your girl’s got skills.” 

Nico pulled her into a hug. “Damn right she does.”

An “I’ll be right with you” sounded from somewhere at the back of the store and they spent the few moments before its human appeared looking at the different racks of suit jackets, each meticulously sewed and styled. Nico brushed his fingers reverently over the lapel of one jacket, from the feel alone he knew it had to be expensive.

“Baby, I don’t know if I can afford a suit here, this jacket must be more money than the whole suit I bought for my Pop.”

Waverly winked at him, “Don’t worry about that Nico, Clootie’s paying. If we had more time, I’d have them create you a suit from scratch, but when I called they said they’d be happy to do alterations if there’s something you find here that you like. And there’s always the option of all the other places we can go, but I figured we could start here.”

Nico shook his head in wonder. “You’re gonna end up with a monster, you start spoiling me with all those ill-gotten gains.”

Waverly laughed.

They both turned at the sound of footsteps entering the space and were greeted with a nattily dressed human deftly weaving through the displays toward them.

“Good afternoon, welcome to Paisley’s, how can I be of service?”

Waverly squeezed Nico’s hand and smiled at the shopkeeper. “I actually called a few days ago, I’m Waverly. I spoke with someone in the shop about fitting my boyfriend for a suit for a funeral? I was told you might have a few that would be best for that?”

The shopkeeper broke out in a wide grin, their Rapinoe-styled silver-dyed hair almost vibrating with excitement. “Ah yes, how could I forget that wonderful conversation? I actually set aside a half dozen suits that may work after our talk, let me go get them.”

They took a quick study of Nico and nodded, angling back toward the rear of the shop and disappeared at a clip.

Nico looked over at Waverly and quirked an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to this, but is there anyone you can’t charm?”

Waverly’s grin was too knowing to be quite as innocent as she was going for.

“Don’t think so, no.”

—

Nico couldn’t believe what he was seeing in the mirror.

He brushed a hand down the front of the suit jacket reverently and turned slowly, his eyes glued to his reflection. He could see the shopkeeper, who had introduced themselves as V, and Waverly over his shoulder in the mirror, but his eyes were focused on his own body. He looked, well, he looked _downright dapper. _The suit he had gotten for his Pop’s funeral had been nice, but this was something so far beyond that, it was like they were different pieces of clothing altogether.

The jacket and its underlying vest felt molded to his body, the trousers not too tight or too baggy; the almost-there of embroidered patterns across the jacket subtle but beautiful. The vest had a place for him to attach a pocket watch and it thrilled him.

He’d never tried on this style of suit before, the Nehru jacket and vest originally hailing from India, but he loved how fancy it looked while negating his need to wear a tie. V had told him they did most of the work on the suit themselves, had changed the silhouette of the traditional jacket a bit to fit a more queer body and the reflection Nico looked at proved it had been an inspired decision.

“Nico, you look-” Waverly’s eyes were sparkling, though there was a slight tint of hunger to her gaze and he could understand why, the red of his short beard and wild hair mixed well with the subdued black of the jacket and the matte silver of the vest.

“Right? This is nuts, this suit is beautiful.”

V chuckled as they watched Nico continue to stare at himself in the three panel mirror. “Think this is the one?”

Nico unbuttoned the five buttons of the jacket slowly, admiring the care taken with decorative stitching around the lining as he slipped it off his shoulders, handing the garment delicately back to the tailor.

“I think so, yeah. Not sure I could give it back.”

V smiled widely and hung up the jacket neatly on a rack nearby. “Since we’ve already marked the few alterations necessary, you can leave it here with me, I’ll make sure it’s ready to be picked up tomorrow morning. You two are cute and I don’t always get to enjoy someone drooling so much over one of my suits.”

Nico pinked at that but shrugged. “It’s a beautiful suit.”

V smiled and took the vest from Nico as he slipped out of it. “It was one of my favorite projects of late. I’ll leave you to finish getting changed, I can ring you up when you’re ready.”

V moved to give them privacy, pulling the thick velvet curtain into place behind them as they moved away, Waverly immediately closing the distance to Nico and placing her hands on his chest, her fingers sliding to smooth the collar of his shirt.

“You look incredible in that suit, Nico. Your grandfather would be proud of the person you’ve become.”

Nico gave his girlfriend a small smile and a soft kiss, pulling back to start unbuttoning his vest. “Thanks, Waves. Now, you going to stick around or let me get redressed in peace?”

Waverly raised one eyebrow and sat down on the changing bench. “Free show? I’m not going anywhere.”

Nico’s laugh echoed off the mirror.

—

The rumble of the ‘Cuda was loud in the sleepy desert afternoon as he turned the ignition, Waverly carefully placing his new shiny Chelsea boots in the backseat, her smile large as she turned around and plopped into her seat.

“That went well.”

“Yeah it did, that was amazing, Waves. Thank you for looking into that for me and bringing me here. I never thought I would wear a suit that nice in my life.”

Waverly pecked his cheek before clicking her seat belt into place and smiling at him in a way that made his heart speed. “You deserve it, Nico.”

Nico took his hand off the shifter and took Waverly’s into his own, bringing it to his lips and kissing her knuckles. “I am definitely not letting you get away, Miss Earp.”

Waverly’s laugh was delighted and it soothed a bit of his ever present anxiety, the reason for his visit and the suit and their next few days never far from his immediate thoughts.

“Well then, I expect suitable adoration. I’ll settle for dinner for now, though.”

Nico slipped his aviators on and put the Cuda in gear. “That I can do.”

—

Nico drove them north, thanking the rare overcast day, though it didn’t help his feelings much, the far away rain clouds matching his mood more than he liked. The sound of the engine was muted through the car but the reminder of it and the hours he’d spent in the passenger seat as his pop drove them around the state soothed him a little and he caught himself letting out a louder-than-he-meant-to sigh, Waverly’s head immediately turning toward him from her gaze out the window.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

Nico flattened his lips together and shrugged. “Just a lot of history here, this town, my Pop’s car, on top of everything else. Feels a bit like I’m driving backward in time, being here.”

He jutted his chin toward a small grocery store they were passing. “Light in that lot used to mysteriously be broken on a regular basis, pulled over there first time I took a girl on a date, cops surprised us when my head was buried between her legs in the back seat, between the pressure on my skull and her moans we hadn’t heard them approaching, was honestly only because they assumed I was a dude in the low light that we scraped out of it.”

Waverly snorted. “Alright Casanova, we going to be driving by a lot of those parking lots?”

Nico raised his sunglasses and winked lecherously. “Maybe, baby, but we can always add one to the list.”

“Drive, you insatiable beast. Wholesome food first.”

Nico just clicked his tongue and slid his sunglasses back into place. “I just heard _first_.”

Waverly laughed. “We’ll see about that.”

—

Nico tried from then on to point out other memories as they passed them, letting Waverly in through each tiny story; the softball field where he’d played growing up, his High School, the toy store that was his first job, friend’s houses, ice cream joints- whatever his eye caught to share.

Waverly listened with rapt attention, her grins easy and content, happy to ask follow up questions to his tales which he answered as best he could. He was reminded for the umpteenth time that day alone how special Waverly was. Shae had never seen his hometown, had oddly been less inclined to hear his stories, but Waverly seemed to treasure each one like she was filing it away in a library somewhere, the Library of Nico Haught.

When they finally pulled into the dusty lot he had been aiming for Waverly gave him a quizzical look, the less than shiny Airstream trailer-turned food truck parked at the far end fronted by a few well-worn picnic tables. The ‘Cuda threw up dust as they parked, Waverly unclipping her seatbelt slowly and turning to Nico.

“What have we here?”

Nico turned the car off and grinned at Waverly. “Some of the best quesadillas I’ve ever had in my life.”

Waverly licked her lips. “Quesadillas, you say?”

Nico chuckled and went to open the door of the car. “Oh, yes.”

There were several bikes parked at the bar across the street, colors of one of the other crews proudly displayed. Nico took note of the members of the club standing around but didn’t recognize any and Rafe hadn’t mentioned there being active trouble, so he hoped the scuffles he and his pop had had with this particular crew were long over.

He led Waverly to the trailer, the chalkboard propped against the back tire listing the day’s menu in mixed English and Spanish. Tacos, tortas and huaraches vied for his interest, but the quesadillas shone through them all, his mouth starting to water thinking how long it had been since he’d had one of the Cid’s, their family having set up the Airstream in the mid-90s, Nico and his pop stumbling on it not long after and determining it was the best spot in town, if not the state, for their beloved quesadillas. They’d frequented it so many times over the years the Cid’s had become friends, then nearly family, Nico often coming by in the summers just to hang out and help around the stand when things got busy, a nice change from the hours he would spend indoors bent over a table learning the leather trade.

“Nico! Is that you?” A shaggy head leaned out the side window of the trailer, sporting a giant grin.

Nico’s answering grin was just as big. “Marcos!”

Marcos’ head disappeared from the window before there was a crash from the interior, the squeak of a door being thrown back and then the compact body of Marcos Cid came around the side of the trailer, throwing his bulky arms around Nico and giving him such a hug he was lifted off the ground.

“Nico! You’re back, man!”

Nico’s arms wrapped just as much around his friend and he laughed with delight. “Put me down! What, did you learn how to bench press your brother’s horse while I was gone?”

Marcos laughed harder but relented and set Nico back down with a hearty thump to his shoulder.

“It’s so good to see you! Man, I’ve missed you, you here for a while or-” Marcos broke off as he noticed Nico wasn’t alone, immediately giving Waverly his most charming smile, which to Marcos’ credit, had felled many of their female classmates. Nico just rolled his eyes as Marcos took a few steps toward Waverly.

“Nico, not leading with introducing me to this beautiful creature, how dare you. Why, senorita, you must not be with Nico, no woman as beautiful as you could possibly be slumming with this bucket of bolts, please tell me he hasn’t made an honest woman of you yet. Me? Look at these muscles. Him? Spaghetti arms. Just ask his face in junior year,” he ignored the interjected “Hey!” from Nico, his eyes only for Waverly.

Waverly allowed Marcos to cup her hand in both of his and raise them to his lips and kiss her knuckles, the brunette trying to hide her laughter at the exaggerated greeting.

She pursed her lips as if she was considering the offer, Marcos waggling his eyebrows and Nico sighing behind him as she tilted her head and gave the man in front of her an appraising eye. Marcos stood taller, stretching his 5’7” as much as he could, flexing his arm and chest muscles not so subtly. Waverly couldn’t hold it and started chuckling at them both.

“Sadly, I am rather fond of this one, though you do put forth an excellent offer, Marcos.”

Marcos grinned even bigger, his brown eyes twinkling. “Had to try. He stole my girlfriend once; always have to see if I have a shot too.”

“I did not steal her- it’s not my fault she had some kind of redhead fetish.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s what you call it? Not just pulling her behind Amelia’s during the party when I wasn’t paying attention and using those dang wiles of yours?”

“I do not have wiles! And she dragged me! I thought she wanted help carrying more booze!”

Nico and Marcos circled each other poking and teasing until they broke into a playful wrestling match, trading soft blows and headlocks until Waverly cleared her throat and looked at them both with an amused but pointed eyebrow, Nico’s head ducking.

“Aw man, you haven’t changed. Pretty girls were always your kryptonite.”

Waverly’s eyebrow just raised and Nico blushed, Marcos cracking up at that. 

Nico remembered his manners and took a few steps toward Waverly and put his arm around her waist. “Marcos, may I formally introduce Miss Waverly Earp. Waverly, this rapscallion is Marcos Cid, closest thing I had to a brother in this shitty place growing up.”

Marcos put on an affected surfer voice. “Brah, you love me? Aww, brah.”

Nico shoved at him and Marcos danced out of the way. “Watch the muscles, brah.”

Another roll of Nico’s eyes was the only response he got and Marcos grinned.

“So, really, what are you doing here?”

Nico kicked at some pebbles between them and blew out a breath, running his hands through his hair. “My gramps died last week.”

“Aw hell, Nico. Fuck, I’m sorry. Doc was a great guy. Alright,” he clapped his hands together and rubbed them. “In good tradition we’re going to eat. You guys grab a seat, I’m gonna get you a spread that will make you so full, there’s no room to be sad.”

He clasped Nico’s forearm and then pulled him into a much gentler hug than the first and Nico returned it gladly, the safety of his long friendship opening doors in his heart he’d closed years ago when he’d last left, bereft and feeling spun out into the cosmos.

—

Marcos joined them at the table after setting nearly one of everything in front of them on trays.

“Is it going to be alright that you’re spending time with us?” Waverly asked softly as he sat down across from her, bumping Nico over to make room.

“Yeah, it’s cool, Emilio and Gabriela can handle it, you came by at one of the slower times.”

As it was, there was a decent line in front of the Airstream, the late afternoon air thick with the smell of fresh tortillas and cooking meat. Nico’s stomach was grumbling and his heart felt light, Marcos’ playful, sunny outlook always something he could count on growing up and it seemed nothing had changed, and for that he was grateful.

They spent a good hour with Marcos, Nico unable to stop his friend from pouring out some of his most embarrassing childhood stories, Waverly listening with rapt attention and her eyes lost in crinkles as she laughed. Her hair danced in the slight breeze and Nico’s heart stuttered to look at her. He closed his eyes for a second and really felt the moment, his mind climbing through the layers of what he was experiencing, the tang of sadness and the fog of his grief, the anxiety of seeing his mother the next morning, the joy of spending time with Marcos, and the steady sunbeam that was Waverly Earp. She already had a dusting of new freckles across her cheeks with the sun they had been getting and he almost couldn’t take how beautiful he found her.

“Earth to Nico, man you in there or have you gone entirely catatonic over your girl?”

Nico shook himself out of his thoughts and made a face at Marcos. “Just glad I got to see you, got lost in thinking about tomorrow, I guess, sorry.”

Marcos looked at him with affection. “You tell me where it is, and I’ll be there, man, make sure I pay my respects to the fam.”

Nico slung his arm around his friend’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze. “You’re a good, Marcos. I’m sorry I let myself forget that when I put this place to my back.”

Marcos shrugged under his arm. “I get it man. You had to do a scorched earth protocol after your pop died. Plus I knew I wasn’t going anywhere and you can’t resist my sexy quesadillas. I knew you’d be back.”

Nico gave a huff of a laugh. “True, I can’t stay away from them, but really, I appreciate it. I’ve missed you, and that’s on me.”

Marcos winked at Waverly. “I’ll just have to come visit you two up north, see what this green color is you two keep mentioning, I haven’t heard of it before.”

Waverly nodded enthusiastically. “Definitely! Fair warning though, my sister loves tacos, so if she learns how delicious these are, she’s going to chain you to the stove and not let you leave.”

Marcos’ cocky grin was back. “Wynonna, right? Chains and likes tacos. Sounds like she and I could have a good start then.”

Nico snorted and shook his head, clapping Marcos on the back. “You’re barking up the wrong tree, my insatiable friend. Wynonna would flatten your muscled ass in a second and if she decided she didn’t want to that day, both her boyfriends would.”

Marcos raised an appreciative eyebrow. “Both? My my. I can already tell the Earp family has brains and beauty,” he winked at Waverly, “you have any other sisters? Cousins? Nearly identical friends?”

Waverly laughed and threw her balled up napkin at Marcos, though he batted it away. “No other sisters on the premises, who knows about cousins. Cute friends, well, guess you’ll have to visit and see for yourself.”

“I’m going to take you up on that, Waverly. I am all in favor of traveling for cute friends. And this asshole. But I guess he’s cute too.” Marcos grabbed Nico’s face in his hands and gave him a big, loud kiss on the forehead before getting up from the table.

“Alright, gotta go make the big bucks, been slacking with you two long enough. It was good to see you, though, Nico. And very lovely to meet you, Waverly. Take care of my boy, will you? He’s a good egg, most of the time.”

Nico and Waverly stood too, Marcos giving Waverly a hug she almost disappeared into, Nico folding himself around the two, his long arms encircling them. When they broke apart, Nico hugged Marcos properly, both of them swaying a little as they held on.

“It’s been too long, so don’t make me hunt you down for next time, ok pendejo?” Marcos’s voice was quiet by his shoulder.

“Not going anywhere this time around, promise. Hear they have these phone things? Plus you’d better come visit.”

He felt the shake of Marcos’ laughter. “It’s been good to see you, brother.”

They let go of each other and Marcos gave a half wave and a smile as he turned back to the Airstream. “Until next time.”

Nico felt Waverly’s arms encircle his waist and he hugged her to him, watching Marcos disappear around the side of the trailer.

“Marcos is really great.”

“Yeah he is, Waves. We got into and out of plenty of scrapes across the years, he was the one person I could count on growing up and I’m glad he understood me ghosting the whole town when my Pop died, though I know I hurt him. You think Chrissy would think he’s cute?”

Waverly looked up at him and slid her sunglasses partially down her nose. “Cute? I think she’d be apoplectic over those muscles.”

Nico laughed.

As they pulled back out of the parking lot, he glanced over to the bar and saw a few of the crew by their bikes nudge each other and talking in low voices, their narrowed eyes watching him go.

—

He’d pointed the ‘Cuda back south toward the clubhouse and was deep in more thinking about his mother, reminding himself to set an alarm so he could go pick up the suit early, wondering if the Forest Service knew that the ads they had put up in the bus shelters he kept passing read like Smokey was a stoner. Waverly had stayed quiet next to him and it gave his mind space to wander through its own hallways, the sun starting to set over the mountains to their right.

“Did you have a special place?”

Nico blinked. “Hmm, what?”

Waverly gave his thigh a squeeze. “You zone out on me?”

“Yeah, sorry. What’s up?”

“When you were little, or even in High School, did you have a special place, somewhere you could go, like I have the roof?”

Nico thought about it for a moment, his mind turning over the places he’d stashed himself when he was young before he smiled at the memory that popped into his thoughts.

“There is one place I could show you,” he said, checking his rearview mirror before he signaled to change lanes on the highway.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mm. When Marcos and I had finally gotten our licenses, we would pile the few friends we had into someone’s car and head off to this old wooden playscape in a park barely anyone visits anymore. There used to be a great set of ball fields there, but the land they sat on got sold and now it’s all a gated community. Somehow the playscape lived on, just beyond the wall at the back of the estate and no one paid it any mind. It could be long gone by now, but I guess we’ll see.”

“An adventure either way.” Waverly rubbed her hands together excitedly.

—

Nico turned off the headlights and kept the rumble of the engine to a minimum as he carefully maneuvered the big muscle car between the two overgrown trees that indicated the old entrance to the playground, careful to keep the scrabbly branches away from the pristine paint on his pop’s car.

“Nico, now we can’t see.”

“Why are you whispering, Waverly?” Nico chuckled. “No one can hear us talking. Ok, I don’t want them to see us either but I’ve pulled in here a million times, we’ll be fine.”

A few seconds later the long-dead planted trees opened and there was an unkempt and deteriorating asphalt lot, the shadow of a built shape beyond.

“So it still exists. Ready to adventure a little, Waves?” Nico grinned at his girlfriend in the glow of the dashboard.

“Onward, cowboy.”

They made their way hand in hand across the parking lot, the structure coming into view through the dark as they got closer. With the sun down, the temperature had dropped considerably as the desert night took over and Waverly had wrapped herself in one of Nico’s old sweatshirts from High School that had been left in the trunk for just a situation. She had her nose tucked into the hoodie and the hood nearly pulled tight, Nico torn between laughing at how adorable she looked or his heart carrying him away for the very same reason. Her eyes crinkled at him through the little cinched hole she had left, he could tell she was smiling by how they disappeared into her cheeks and he couldn’t help but pull her to him, the cutest human barnacle he’d ever seen.

“I really love you, Waverly Earp, so you’d better get used to me saying it when you’re so damn cute.”

Waverly chuckled from inside the hood and wiggled against him like a little fish and he could only squeeze her tighter, his anxiety lost in the moment of pure contentedness. He felt Waverly’s arms wrap around him, the too-long sleeves hitting against him lightly.

“Looks like you’re not wearing shorts, that hoodie’s so long,” Nico joked as Waverly started to skip ahead of him, her hesitance in the dark seemingly dissipated.

“Wouldn’t you like that, dirty boy?” Waverly pulled her hood cinch down so her mouth could be seen and Nico chuckled and shrugged in a “well, yeah” kind of way.

“Baby I am all for easy access.”

Waverly snorted and held out her hand. “Show me your secret hideaway and maybe I’ll show you mine.”

Nico laughed and laced their fingers together.

“Sassy, Waves, but I’ll hold you to it.”

His girlfriend stopped at that and looked him in the eye as she loosened the hood a little, letting her whole face be seen. It reminded him of the meme with the cute little Chihuahua in a sweatshirt sleeve, but he was smart enough to keep that to himself.

“But not like before?” It was a hesitantly asked question and Nico was puzzled for a second, not sure what she was referring to.

“Before? What do you- oh, you mean with my pop and the…hopping.”

Waverly looked almost reluctant to bring it up and Nico felt himself deflate a little. “No baby, never like before. I could never touch you so callously. Ever. We may get into some rough fun now and again,” he winked at Waverly and she rolled her eyes, “But no, that era is behind me, and I’m glad. It taught me things, but now I use them to make sure I’m the better human for myself, for you, for everyone else around me.”

“Just checking. I trust you Nico, but I know you’ve been in your head a lot since you got here and that’s absolutely fine, I’m here for you, even to sit quietly next to you as you figure out what you need to, but I wanted to check in, make sure you were in a good headspace.”

“Thank you for that, Waves, but no, this is only garden variety me who can’t get enough of you, even when I’m sad.” He winked and grinned.

“In that case,” she smiled and pulled him closer, her arms sliding around his neck when he got close enough, Nico following her lead and pressing their lips together, the endless thrum of their energy mixing lighting him up from the inside and he hummed his happiness into the infinitesimal space between them, his arms going to wrap around her and pull Waverly even closer. The kiss started off chaste, before it wasn’t, Nico’s head tilting as he licked into Waverly’s mouth, her own tongue wrapping around his and they lost track of time, glued together in a darkened parking lot. 

When they parted, both a little flushed and hazy, it was with heated smiles and Nico held his hand out to Waverly. “Haven’t even shown you the playscape yet.”

—

“Don’t break your neck doing something foolish to impress me, alright? You already got the girl,” Waverly stage whispered into the night as Nico climbed the rusted metal rungs of the slide, the metal still quite warm under the palm of his hands, even the few hours past when the sun had gone down. He laughed and purposefully tried to shake the ladder as he stood on it, a squeak coming from Waverly but the ladder didn’t budge.

“See? Solid engineering.”

“Doesn’t mean you need to find where that line is!”

Nico laughed as he reached the top of the not insignificant ladder and slid his legs onto the platform. “Look out below!”

He pushed off and headed down the twisty slide, lifting his legs at the end to trade an awkward sudden stop for a sprawl across the gravel, the slide still made for those much smaller than he. Waverly chuckled at him as he dusted himself off and smiled back at her.

They made their way carefully across the gigantic sprawling wooden structure, surprisingly in incredible condition for its age and general neglect. They didn’t chance the rope netting climbing bridge, but found an alternate route forward through a set of monkey bars. Nico was laughing when Waverly swung her way onto the landing platform, he’d forgotten how much fun it was just to play, to get lost in silly things and it filled him with joy to be able to share this piece of his childhood with the woman he loved.

“What? You looked silly too.” Waverly stuck her tongue out at him.

“You looked adorable. I wasn’t laughing at you, I’m just happy, baby. I loved this place as a kid and it makes me happy you’re here, sharing this with me.”

Waverly smiled at him and took a few steps toward the next obstacle, a shaky wooden beam across a long stretch of gravel, set up with tubing hanging above to make your way across with.

“I’m having fun too, Nico, it’s been a long time since I’ve done something silly and carefree because I could. Though I’m pretty sure my brain is already reading the ground as lava, so be careful.” She winked at him over her shoulder and then gave a little hop to grab the tubing, sliding herself carefully sideways across the dangerous moat. Nico felt his heart give another little flutter, at every turn, Waverly found something else to say or do that knocked his internal socks off, made him so thankful they had crashed into each other.

“C’mon, slow poke, stop staring at my ass and get a move on.”

“How could I? It’s pretty epic, that booty.”

“Booty?”

“We’re on a giant ship themed playscape, figured it was appropriate.” He shrugged and walked over to a “porthole” in the supporting wall near him and pointed at it.

“Well now the lava makes even more sense. So don’t fall in and get over here, there’s a really cool tire climb.”

Nico did as told, the tubing a bit easier for him to reach and he made his way easily across.

“Show off.”

He chuckled. “Had to get to the booty.”

“One track mind, you.” Waverly shook her head at him, though she quirked a finger in his direction with a smile and he followed.

The tire climb was on an incline, leading to the tallest tower in the playscape and he and Waverly climbed it with playful competition, Nico in the lead before one of his boots had gotten caught in the tire and he’d been unexpectedly halted, Waverly cheering for herself and claiming a seat on the edge of the smooth worn wooden planks of the platform, her legs dangling over the tires. After extricating himself, Nico had made his way up the rest and climbed to sit next to Waverly, looking up at what sky was visible in front of them, the tower having a domed wooden roof. He suspected they were supposed to be in the crow’s nest, but he worked with what he had, true stargazing not quite possible. The clouds of the afternoon had moved on though, and the distance from most of the estate’s late night residents meant that there was little light pollution and they could see the stars quite clearly.

Nico had gotten quite good at recognizing the patterns of the sky he had looked at from the roof over the garage at Shorty’s. It was a different sky almost, here, though he named off half a dozen constellations he could pick out quickly, their placement coming back to him easily from the hours upon hours he had spent learning them with his Pop, one of their nighttime rituals.

Waverly leaned against him and he pressed a kiss to the side of her head, the soft smell of girl skin tickling his nose.

“How do you always smell so good, Waves?”

She giggled as he nosed his way to her neck, his snuffling tickling her skin.

The giggles turned into a hum as he couldn’t resist kissing the skin he’d found and Waverly brought her hand up to hold his head to her as he nipped and kissed his way down to her shoulder.

“I could ask you how you know exactly what to do to turn me into a pile of mush in ten seconds,” Waverly’s voice was teasing but just this side of thick and Nico felt himself twitch at her tone.

“Very secret, secret ways. Secret ways that should be practiced often to make sure they don’t go rusty.” Nico bit at the muscle at the base of her neck and Waverly’s only reply was to tighten her hand in his hair and chuckle lowly.

“Even out here?”

Nico grinned against her skin.

“Especially out here.”

Waverly turned to regard him with one raised, playful eyebrow.

“Are you you propositioning me for outdoor shenanigans, Haught?”

Nico shrugged as innocently as he was capable of, his mind turning to taking Waverly under the stars.

“I’m up for it if you are.”

Waverly rocked her head back and forth slightly, considering, before a wicked grin slid across her face and her fingers went to the button of her shorts.

“I have missed that tongue of yours.” The looks she gave him was molten and he immediately felt his body answer the call.

“Yeah ? I think we can do something about that. Scoot those shorts down baby, and you won’t have to miss it for long."

Waverly chuckled and teased him, watching his eye-line as she slowly drew the zipper down, fingers hooking in her belt loops and tugging, the flash of a hipbone coming into view.

Nico slipped off the edge of the platform and put his boots in two of the tires, leaning his body against the incline, his hands coming to rest on either side of Waverly’s hips, her knees pressing into his chest.

“We’re not gonna get caught, right?”

Nico chuckled. “There’s no way anyone knows we’re out here, don’t worry. Keep ‘em on one leg if you want, I just need that pussy, Waves, I’ve missed it too.”

He watched a shiver pass through Waverly but she stared him down, lifting herself a little to pull her shorts down past her knees. Nico leaned back, eager to enjoy why he’d been offered, not caring about the awkwardness of Waverly’s shorts & undies hanging off of one ankle, the oversized hoodie scrunched up above her bellybutton.

“Fuck baby, the sight of you always does such things to me.” Nico repositioned himself, his hands coming under Waverly’s legs as he threw them over his shoulders, Waverly leaning back to rest on her elbows, her lip between her teeth and a challenging look that was only somewhat teasing.

“Mm Nico? Prove it.”

There was a flush starting to creep up Waverly’s neck and it made Nico grin as he leaned forward to lick and kiss teasing attention up each of her thighs, his sexy-as-fuck girlfriend writhing and panting by the time his nose brushed against the curls at the apex of her legs.

“Mm, shit, stop stalling.”

Nico chuckled as he licked forward and Waverly bucked, the sensitive skin of her labia soft under his tongue. He could taste her and he moaned, the heady mix of _Waverly_ that he couldn’t get enough of.

“Fuck, Waves, forget smell, how do you _taste _so good?”

He heard Waverly curse above him and then watched as her vulva pulsed.

“Mm, baby, you have a bit of a praise kink? Or do you just like knowing how goddamn addicted to your pussy I am?”

“You know hot I get with you telling me. But right now I want you to stop talking and teasing and get _to it_.”

She tightened her calves with a wicked grin and he let her pull him forward, his tongue moving to slide between her labia, both of his hands coming to wrap around her hips.

He felt Waverly’s hand tangle into his hair and he smiled when she tugged, his tongue starting a more insistent exploration, his girlfriend’s hips tilting to get closer to his mouth.

“Yes, just like that, Nico.”

Nico shivered as her nails scratched across his scalp and he tightened his grip on her hips, his fingertips splayed wide.

He was glad they were quite alone, Waverly’s panting moans were growing in volume and there was no way he wasn’t going to continue doing exactly what he was and see how loud she got before she came. And he could tell she was going to come well, it had been over a week since they had last fooled around and her body was reacting to his touch so much more sensitively.

Nico thought of the reason for that break for only a second but it threw him off, Waverly’s mewl at his change in rhythm thankfully distracting him from the way his stomach had plunged as he remembered his sadness.

“Don’t stop, Nico, _shit_, don’t stop!”

He could follow orders, and did, his tongue swirling around her clit before he sucked it into his mouth, the tip of his tongue dancing back and forth across it.

Waverly started to curl up toward him, her thighs shaking and he had to hold on tighter, his tongue singular in its focus. It didn’t take long before she had a death grip on his head, her whole upper body arched backwards as much as it could be, her breaths coming in fierce pants.

“Yes, _that_! Gonna come!”

Nico took a quick breath and put all his energy into exactly what Waverly was asking for, his tongue almost a blur against her clit, her hips rocking frantically against his face in response.

Her heels dug into his shoulder blades as she went completely rigid with a cry, her body trembling as she collapsed afterward, her muscles still rippling against his lips as he pressed them in a gentle kiss against her clit.

“_Holy fudging shit, _Nico!”

Waverly thumped her head back against the wooden planks, her ribs heaving as she tried to take in air. Nico laved her skin in gentle licks, her legs relaxing on his shoulders and he hummed at the taste of her after she came, somehow a little bit sweeter.

“Ok, ok,” Waverly tugged on his hair and he pulled back, licking his lips and exaggeratedly cleaning his beard and moustache with delight.

“You look like a lion after a hunt in one of those documentaries Nonna made us all watch last week.”

Nico’s grin was feral though he laughed. “Clearly we both enjoy what we’re eating.”

Waverly checked him with a knee; he laughed harder and leaned back as she pulled her legs from his shoulders.

“Now get those pants down, Nico, I want to see _you _lose it.”

Nico waggled his eyebrows, though his hands went to his belt buckle, his jeans and packer hastily shoved to his knees, his own flesh hard and aching.

There was an awkward moment as they rearranged themselves, Nico’s knees resting against the edge of the platform as Waverly held onto his ass for support and then her mouth was on him and Nico lost any semblance of coherence, his head tipping back with a moan as one hand cupped the back of her head, view of the stars blurring as he gave into Waverly’s touch.

—

When they walked back to the car, it was almost as if they were unable to separate, their arms entwined as they leaned on each other, both with sated, dreamy smiles on their faces.

Nico opened the door for Waverly and she gave him a sweet kiss before climbing in, the hoodie getting pulled up again and cinched tight against the chill inside the car. Nico made his way back around the ‘Cuda, whistling to himself as he flipped the keys back and forth on the ring, love and belonging singing through his veins.

“Been a while, freak.”

The voice came out of the darkness, floating across the parking lot to him and Nico jolted. He knew its owner and turned to see the sneering visage of the only person Nico knew from his past that could never, ever let things go.

He straightened his shoulders and faced the newcomer, keeping his voice even and casual. 

“Declan. Of all the shadowy parking lots, we meet in this one. What can I do for you?” 

Declan cleared his throat and spit a mouthful of phlegm at Nico, the gelatinous mess landing a few inches to the left of Nico’s boot. Four of his crew materialized out of the shadows to ring behind Declan, each with their own menacing grin. He glanced at the other men and then glared back at Nico, folding his arms across his chest, the full sleeves of his tattoos flexing as the man tried to make himself even more intimidating.

“What are you doing back in town, freak?”

“Family things. What do you want, Declan? High School was a long time ago.”

Declan’s lip twitched. “You still haven’t answered for what you did, what your shit crew did to ours, what your father did to mine.”

“Let it be, Declan. Pop’s dead, I’m not even _in_ the club. How did you find us?”

Declan shrugged, picking at his teeth with one nail. “Had you followed after you stopped at the Cid’s. Was pretty stupid to drive right by us like that.”

Nico sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his brain caught running in different directions, Waverly’s safety, his own safety, trying to anticipate exactly how far Declan would take things; their last meeting had been short but brutal, both of them coming out of it bleeding, and a five on one scenario did not bode well for the next few minutes. Since he was visiting, he hadn’t brought his gear, his fingers itched but there was no knife on his belt to grab for.

“Everyone likes to eat, Declan. What was between you and I is in the past, let it be, man.”

“No one takes my girl and fucks up my club and my old man and gets away with it.”

Nico sighed again, his frustration at the specter of his childhood growing. Declan had clearly internalized what had happened between them, only let the animosity grow.

“Declan, that was eight years ago and you know I never _took_ anyone. Eliza left you because she was _scared_ of you, and nothing happened between us. How long are you going to hold onto this bullshit?” He couldn’t help the bleed of his tone, remembering when Eliza had shown up knocking at the window of his room in the middle of the night with bruises across her body and tear stained eyes, changing everything.

They had all been friends in their youth but Declan’s increasing fervor for all things toxic and masculine had clashed greatly with young Nico’s bid to be himself and the resulting feud had lasted down the years. Eliza had believed in the young man Declan had been until the night he couldn’t be forgiven, Nico offering safe harbor in the clubhouse for a few months, Eliza’s grandmother and only family too elderly to really notice. Nico’s Pop and the crew had done their best to support her, even going so far as to block a few contracts from heading the way of Declan’s father’s crew, a public rebuke and it was not received well.

The missed money had crippled the other club and a retribution skirmish had happened one early morning, Declan’s father and a dozen or so members flattening the front gate to the compound with a tow truck and roaring in on their bikes, Nico waking hastily to the sounds of shouts and gunfire. He’d grabbed Eliza from her bed and pushed them both toward the safest place in the clubhouse, locking the door of the small hidden room behind him. He had ached to run out, to make sure his father and the rest of the club were safe, but he knew he was better off where he was. Nico’s father’s crew had eventually run off the insurgents, thankfully only two of the crew taking minor injuries. Declan’s father had not been so lucky and took a bullet that ended his ability to ride and the man had never let go of his festering hatred for Nico’s family. A hatred his son grew to share.

It seemed that feeling had only grown with time; Declan had taken the gavel from his father when they had graduated, though Nico and Eliza had both left town for college, letting distance win them some of their freedom. Nico hadn’t seen Eliza since she had fled for her full ride to the University of Chicago and he never blamed her for not looking back, life had not been the kindest to his friend and she deserved a clean slate to start again how she saw fit. He imagined she was working for some secret agency by now, with the drive she had and the dreams she had carried.

“Nico?” Waverly’s voice drifting out of the open window of the ‘Cuda snapped him out of the past and he turned quickly to move toward Waverly, putting himself between her door and Declan.

“Ah ah ah, Freak.” Declan shifted and pulled one side of his vest back so Nico could see the dull shine of the silver handgun holstered underneath his arm and Nico stilled his movement.

“Come out here, pretty one; let’s get a better look at you.” Declan called to Waverly in a syrupy voice that made Nico’s jaw tighten. He wasn’t going to let Declan control how things went.

“It’s ok, baby, just talking with an old friend, everything’s alright.”

Nico watched as Waverly hesitantly opened the door of the ‘Cuda and stepped out, wrapping herself in the hoodie as much as she could, her eyes immediately flicking to his with a hint of her fear.

“What’s your name, little bird?” Declan had taken a few steps toward Waverly and Nico’s immediate instinct was to move as well, Declan just shaking his head.

“Sweet thing, Freak here doesn’t understand this time I’m the one who is going to get what I want, so why don’t you come chat with me so I don’t have to put a few new holes in it.” Declan’s voice stayed sing-songy, though he made sure that Waverly could see his gun as well and her eyes went wide.

Nico felt the tension in the air building, though he nodded at Waverly and hoped to every hope that Declan hadn’t managed to get too maniacal while he had been gone. If he wanted to hurt Nico, well, he’d deal with that, but no one would mess with Waverly while he still drew breath.

Waverly took a few stuttering steps forward toward Declan, the man’s face breaking out into the most charming smile he could muster, once the sunniest grin Nico knew, now twisted by his own hatred and anger.

“There we go. Now, where were we? Ah yes, who might you be?”

Nico’s fingers twitched for nothing to hold onto, his eyes scanning the other men. He didn’t know if they all were carrying, or if Declan was the only one; in any variation, he had to find a way to keep Waverly safe.

Waverly cleared her throat and looked Declan in the eye, a slight defiant tilt to her chin. “Waverly Earp.”

Declan laughed. “Earp, huh? Like that piece of shit western, right? He was law, wasn’t he, Wyatt Earp? You going to follow in those footsteps? Make trouble for me, girlie? I really would think nothing of putting Freak down like a mangy dog over it, so think about your answer.”

Waverly jerked her chin in the negative and Declan laughed cruelly. “Good. As much as it wouldn’t trouble me to deal with Freak that way, leave it to bleed out, I haven’t forgotten the last time we scuffled and my fists have been itching for another round. And what is it with you Earp’s and W names, huh? Too stupid to use the rest of the alphabet?”

Nico bristled as he watched Waverly’s shoulders twitch at the insult, though her face didn’t change its anxious set, her arms wrapping around her body even tighter.

Declan noticed and his manner softened mockingly as he drew close to Waverly. “Little bird, don’t you know Freak can’t protect you? You should come be with real people, not this fucked up science experiment. If you want a man, look no further, I can give you what you need.”

The biker grabbed at his crotch and licked his lips, Waverly shivering in disgust. Nico could feel his own rage tickling up the back of his spine, his hands clenching into fists.

“Leave her _alone_, Declan. She’s not part of this.”

Declan laughed. “You made her part of this when you came back, Freak. But its ok, it’s been a while since I tasted something so sweet, so thank you for delivering her.” 

He drew closer to Waverly as he spoke, the rest of his crew chuckling lewdly.

“We need new blood in the crew as it is, good fair skinned genes. Looks like your girl here could fit that bill, Freak. Maybe she’ll understand what’s important, why the Irish need to stay together, why White needs to defend itself from the rest of the scum. Facts you couldn’t face.”

Waverly couldn’t help the quick downturn of her mouth, unable to hide her visceral reaction to Declan’s words. Nico had heard it before, his former friend’s views one of the biggest starts to the schism between them.

When Nico had been younger, answering to a different name and stuck carrying the body he had been given, Declan had revealed that he had feelings for that version of Nico, that he believed Nico and himself could be the next Irish power couple to take over from their fathers, join the two clubs and form a White wall against the other crews in the area, especially those run by folks of color. Nico had tried to turn him down as gently as he had been able to, his caring for Declan stopping at the love of a friend. Nico already knew his eye caught on cute girls more than cute boys, and Declan’s enthusiastic and growing racism and extremist ideas had turned him off to ever seeing if Declan could have been an outlier.

Declan had not taken the gentle rebuff well, not understanding why Nico hadn’t seen the direct line to their future happiness, he tried to plead with Nico to reconsider, that he would be a good husband for their redheaded children, that he was the man to protect Nico from the incoming scourge.

Nico had been unwavering, his heart hurting when Declan had started dating Eliza not long after. Not for the loss of a relationship, but for the worry he had for his friends.

“Declan, please. Your fight is with me, not Waverly.”

“You don’t get it do you, Freak? You’re a disease and we’re the cure. Saving your girl from you is just common courtesy.”

Nico tried to tamp down on his growing impatience, knowing that the safety of both of them required him keeping a level head. He watched Declan stalk around Waverly, the biker leaning in too close to sniff at Waverly’s hair and she flinched forward away from him. Declan just laughed.

“Got spirit, huh? Good.” He said as he came back around in front of Waverly, one hand reaching up to run through the edge of her hair. “Hope you’re just as spirited when you’re riding my dick.”

The sound of the slap ricocheted against the trees, Waverly’s defiant face bristling with anger. “You’re disgusting.”

Declan held his own jaw and wiggled it, his eyes full of manic glee. “Little birdy, that was the wrong thing to do. Boys, hold him.”

Nico held back from slugging the bikers by a thread, knowing he’d take the pain if it meant Waverly stayed safe. Two he knew vaguely from school grabbed both his arms, pulling him painfully between them, their grips on his arms tight enough to leave future bruises. They dragged him closer to Declan, the man making a show of unclipping and releasing his handgun from the holster.

“Little bird, you get a treat today because of what you just did. You need to learn respect; a woman does not hit a man. Violence is a man’s playground, to dole out to those who will not bow to the right way of the world. And Freak? Freak never learned. Freak here,” Declan smacked Nico almost gently twice in the cheek, in a mockery of what Waverly had done, “shouldn’t even exist. Should have let me make you an honest woman, Freak, back when you had a chance to mean something. We could have built an empire. But you are weak and diseased and clearly little bird here has been listening too closely to your garbage. But we’ll fix that. Make you as ugly on the outside as that sick brain you have. Well, uglier anyway.”

He tugged on Nico’s beard and wiped his hand on his pants, reaching for the handgun and pulling it from the holster, his face a grimace. “Such a pretty face, once.” 

Declan seemed to pause and think a moment, drawing out the drama of his mood, his audience tense and trying to hold back their panic. Nico struggled against the arms that held him, but the beefy bikers snickered and held his arms tighter, yanking his shoulder blades and trying to make him cry out. He bit his lip and glared at Declan.

“Little bird, have you ever seen someone pistol whipped at close range?” He flipped the handgun and caught the barrel in his hand, pretending to find the best grip.

“Don’t hurt him!” Waverly’s voice was high and thready, though she stood her ground and tightened her hands into fists.

“This is on you, little bird, you did this. Spencer, bring her closer.” Declan tipped a chin to the biker nearest Waverly, who grabbed her roughly with a delighted sick smile, wrapping his arms around Waverly from behind and pinning her to his body before marching her forward, her shoes catching on the asphalt as she tried to fight the movement. Spencer just laughed and leaned a little back, effectively picking Waverly up off the ground, taking the last few steps toward Declan and Nico.

Declan reached out and caressed Waverly’s cheek. “You need to learn, so you can understand. Our country is being overrun with faggots and snitches, weak blood and tainted genes. Only the strong and pure can make it right. I forgive you, little bird, for being confused. I’ll show you what we do with scum like Freak.”

The pain was almost instantaneous as it bloomed across Nico’s face. He could feel his head snapping to the side as the butt of the gun made contact with his cheekbone, could feel the split of his skin and the warmth of the blood and heard Waverly’s scream as if it came from far away, his ears ringing. He couldn’t help but slump off kilter from the blow, the bikers holding him letting him go to collapse to his knees. He dropped forward onto his hands and retched, all too familiar with the feeling of an imminent concussion.

His hazy vision was no help as he raised his head and spit out a mouthful of blood, his narrowed eyes fixed on Declan, though he could see Waverly fighting against Spencer’s hold in his blurry periphery. All he could feel was rage and he surged forward, his shoulder coming up underneath the arm that held the gun and Declan lost it in his surprise, the metal skittering off away from them both as Nico tackled Declan to the ground and started railing on every inch of the man’s body he could reach. Declan reacted quickly though and took advantage of Nico’s injury, trying to land as many punches to his face as he could, each smash of his fist making Nico’s whole world scramble, though he kept on swinging his fists back at Declan as hard as he could.

Nico felt himself hauled suddenly backwards, the two bikers that had grabbed him pulling him away from Declan. His knees were kicked out and he landed on his shins painfully, watching Declan regain his footing a few feet away.

“Oh ho ho, Freak. That was a mistake, big mistake.” He took a few casual steps and reached down for the handgun, checking its safety and the chamber as if he hadn’t a care in the world, spitting a stream of blood to the side as he sighed.

“I’m sad it came to this, Freak. You had a chance to join us, to join me, and you never learned the right way, fought against it every step of the way. Your girl will do well to soothe the slight sadness I take at doing this, you did mean something to me once.”

Waverly screamed even more shrilly but Nico just stared at the barrel Declan brought to his forehead, his gaze switching to glare at the man when it bumped against his skin, cold and unyielding.

“This won’t change anything, Declan.”

The biker shrugged, the barrel knocking against his skull with the movement. “That’s what you think Freak, but I just see the elimination of one more problem.”

“Please! No!” Waverly’s cry cut through their focus on each other and Declan sighed, his head turning toward Waverly.

“Little bird, I only want sweet songs from you, so keep quiet or I’ll make sure to break that spirit later, and I _will_ enjoy it.”

Waverly’s voice cut out but she still writhed against the arms around her, frantically making eye contact with Nico.

“If you do this, Declan, let her go. If you want to take it all out on me, fine. My death will be the end of the debt. But leave Waverly be. She’s not a part of this.”

Declan shrugged again and thought about it as if he was considering popcorn or candy at a movie. “I’ll let her go, even though it pains me. I’ll drop her and what’s left of you back at the compound. Door to door service, I think that’s pretty reasonable.”

He straightened his shoulders and pushed the barrel harder against Nico’s skull. “Any last words, Freak?”

Nico spit out another mouthful of blood, the cut inside his cheek throbbing in time with the split on his cheekbone. He looked straight at Waverly, his eyes pleading. “No matter what happens, I love you, Waverly Earp. Always remember that. I’m sorry.”

Declan cackled. “So sweet. You might want to look away now, little bird, if you don’t want to see Freak’s brains for real.”

Nico felt the whole of time slow down, the cold of the metal on his skin, the wild look in Waverly’s eyes and the series of memories of them that flashed through his mind. This was not what he wanted, what he had hoped to dream for, but his past had come for him and it seemed he wouldn’t escape it. Gallows humor thrust through the rest of his thoughts, his brain reminding him he was about to become a statistic, another hate crime, another trans death; it brought him deep sorrow that this was how it was all going to end. He’d managed to survive Red, but he didn’t think there was a way out of this, this time. He only hoped Declan would do as he said, bring his body back to the club and let Waverly go. The gash of anger and powerlessness fought inside him. He’d never wanted to fail Waverly, and here he was doing that to the fullest, leaving her vulnerable and alone, forced to witness someone else she cared about die.

Through his swelling face he made himself speak again. “Please, Waverly, look away, I don’t want you to see this.”

Declan laughed again, his finger against the trigger of the gun. “You only have a few seconds, little bird, you should listen to Freak.”

He knew Waverly was screaming but he couldn’t focus on it, it was too painful, cut too deeply, and spoke of his failure too sharply.

“You promise?” Nico didn’t care how desperate he sounded; he looked as deep as he could stand into Declan’s eyes.

“Yeah, I promise, I’ll be a gentleman to her. For _old time’s sake_.” Declan’s smile was an abomination of the idea but Nico didn’t distrust his words, even this far gone Declan would see Nico’s death as a clearing of the slate, would drop Waverly off unharmed to the clubhouse as witness and cancellation package. It was the best option he had to keep her safe, he truly believed now there was no way out. This was it. This was the end of the road. Twenty-five and on his knees in a forgotten parking lot.

At least he would die with Waverly knowing he loved her. 

Nico drew in a breath and pulled his body as vertical as he could, his weight agony on his knees, but he did it anyway and looked right at Declan past the barrel snug against his skin.

“Do it, you coward.”

Declan sneered. “With pleasure.”

Nico felt the tension as the hammer started to cock back and then there was an explosion of noise behind them, the air suddenly filled with the sound of motorcycle engines and angry yells.

The group found themselves surrounded by a wall of revving bikes and bodies in leather.

Declan took the gun away from his forehead to point it toward the newcomers, his arm swinging wildly as he moved from target to target.

“Bad idea, asshole.”

Rafe spat the words in Declan’s direction, his own gun and the rest of the crew’s drawn and focused on the other club Prez.

“You really took it too far this time, Declan. Put your fucking gun on the ground, let the girl go and step away from Nico. That goes for the rest of you too. The feud is over. Today. _Now_. Unless you little boys want to dance with more even odds, get the _fuck _back.”

Declan’s crew threw their hands in the air in the face of the wall of guns and took a few steps away from Nico, Spencer only reluctantly letting go of Waverly with a dirty smirk, before she turned around and smashed her foot with considerable might into the join of his legs and he collapsed with a shriek, his hands immediately going to cup his junk. She spat on him for good measure, whirling back and rushing to Nico when Spencer’s answer was only to curl into a fetal position with a high whine.

Nico swayed on his knees, his arms reaching for Waverly as she dropped in front of him, his hands going to run along her arms, checking for bruising. “Are you ok, Waves?”

He knew he should pay more attention to the scuffle going on behind him, Rafe herding the other crew away at gunpoint, Declan’s piece tucked into the waistband of his jeans, but he was too focused on how close he had been to losing Waverly, of leaving her alone.

“Am I ok? Nico!” She threw her arms around him and he could feel her tears against the uninjured side of his face. All he could think was how warm and real and solid she felt in his arms. The adrenaline he’d be coursing on started to drain out of him and he swayed on his knees.

“I love you, Waverly, I love you so much, I’m so sorry.” His broken face made talking a hardship as the fear and helplessness he had narrowly avoided washed over him. He was almost thankful when it became too much and the throbbing of his head grew louder as Waverly’s response grew faint and he welcomed the darkness he slipped into, his last fuzzy thought before he went wondering where the fuck Rafe had come from.

—

Nico came to slowly, confused by the way his body seemed to be lying down, and he thrashed against whatever was on top of him until he heard Waverly’s voice.

“It’s ok, Nico, take it slow, I’ve got you.”

He attempted to open his eyes and only one obeyed, his left swollen shut after Declan’s gun had whipped him, that whole side of his head in roaring pain. He couldn’t help the dry heave his stomach did and he curled into himself, his vision blurry as he tried to seek out where Waverly’s voice was coming from.

Soft hands slid against his bare chest and Waverly’s face came into focus above him, her brows knit together in deep concern.

“Baby, Nico, I’m right here.”

Nico put his hands on top of Waverly’s and gripped them tightly. “I thought I was never going to see you again.”

He realized he was crying only when the tears burned against the gash on his cheek and it made him cry harder, all the anguish of the last few hours against the last few days breaking open the walls he had built to keep moving forward.

Nico looked up and found tears streaming down Waverly’s face as well, her chin trembling as her eyes searched his. He sat up as best he could and drew Waverly to him, unable to stop crying, and they both held each other until their tears had run out. 

—

When Nico was able to calm himself down enough to draw a shaky breath, his eyes burning, he pulled a little back from Waverly and looked into her eyes. He knew even though he had been through something, so had she.

“Baby, I’m so sorry, so sorry you got pulled into this, I never wanted to bring you harm.” He reached up with trembling hands toward her face, though he hesitated in touching her, realizing his knuckles were raw and split, the hands of violence, and he started to lower them in shame.

Waverly wiped at her tear-stained face and then cupped his hands, bringing them back to her skin and holding them there, leaning forward gently to rest their foreheads together.

“Nico, I’m just glad you’re alive. I-I was so scared, I thought I was going to lose you, just when I’d found you. Again.” She started crying again and Nico kissed her forehead before cradling her face to his chest, knowing he was the cause of her pain and he couldn’t help his own tears, his lips pressing into Waverly’s hair.

When Waverly leaned back, wiping at her eyes, Nico dropped his hands to his lap, playing with the edge of the blanket that had been pulled up tight over him when he awoke.

“I don’t know what to do from here, Waverly. I fucked up bad when I rushed at Declan. If I hadn’t done that…if I hadn’t made him angrier- oh Waverly maybe it wouldn’t have happened that way, but I couldn’t keep my fucking temper in check. It’s all my fault. I was stupid and angry and almost left you alone here, in this state away from your family, away from your home. All because you’re here with me, now. You’ve lost so much and I almost added to that thanks to my damn _stupidity.” _

Nico unknowingly had the blanket in a death grip, his hands shaking with his anger at himself, his selfishness and his stupid need to wipe the smirk off Declan’s face whenever he looked at Waverly. It was moronic and Neanderthal and he’d nearly gotten himself killed over it.

“Nico, Nico, slow down, breathe, please.”

“I want you to have a nice boring, wonderful life, Waverly, one full of happiness and silly things and more love than you know what to do with and all I brought you here was pain and despair and my idiotic ass daring Declan to pull the trigger, hoping on hope he would follow his stupid code and bring you back with, well, me. I’m so _fucking_ stupid.”

He looked up with pleading eyes to his girlfriend, his love, the most amazing woman he’d ever met.

“You don’t deserve a life like this, Waverly.”

“And you _do_?” Waverly’s reply was quick.

“I know who I am and how that is perceived by the world, Waverly. I know that existing comes with risk, even with this pasty-ass skin. There will always be people who would want to see me ended, see everyone like me killed, eradicated, exterminated. I didn’t think about coming back here and Declan being a factor, I didn’t even _see_ it. There’s no fucking excuse, me assuming that because time had passed, what had happened between our families would be forgotten enough for it to not even cross my mind. Just so _fucking stupid_ of me_._ Didn’t even think to think how it could affect you.”

He shook his head, his lips twisting into a snarl, his whole body shaking now with the emotion of his inward anger.

“I tell you how I love you and then I forced the situation into _that._ I almost threw us away, Waverly. So _easily_. I don’t know if I can forgive myself.”

Waverly sighed and hiccuped, wiping at her nose with the sleeve of his hoodie that she still wore, its bagginess making her seem even smaller as she sat in front of him on the bed.

“Nico, we’re going to have to unpack this, all of this; it’s going to be messy and I don’t know how it’s all going to work, the whole situation was _balls_, but you aren’t to blame for his hatred _or_ his actions. I can’t- I know I don’t know the whole story here, but Nico, you were being held at _gunpoint_ and you still tried to take on Declan. A lot of unpleasant things happened tonight, but we’re both here, we’re _alive._ That’s what I have to hold to right now, you’re here and breathing and both of us are alright. We’ll see tomorrow.”

“_Fuck_, tomorrow.”

Nico dropped his head in his hands, instantly pulling back with a sharp hiss, his injured cheekbone bouncing against his palm. He growled under his breath with frustration.

“How the hell am I even going to do tomorrow? I’m sure I look fucked up, can’t even see out of this eye,” he gestured jerkily to his left cheek, “how am I supposed to show up for a memorial looking like I just got out of a bar fight? How is that respectful? I can’t let my mother see me like this!”

He hung his head, twisting the blanket in his hands.

Waverly put her hands over his, trying to calm him. “It’s not your fault, and if your family judges you for being attacked, then they’re- well, not very nice people.”

“This is all so _stupid!”_

Nico’s head was pounding and he knew he wasn’t thinking well, his anger and lingering fear and helplessness washing over him like a storm and he surged to his feet away from Waverly, pacing at the end of the bed.

“I hate this, Waverly. I hate that I can’t calm down to be there for you the way I want to, I hate that my fucking head hurts so goddamn much, I hate that tomorrow I’m going to have to show up to pay my respects to a man who meant so much to me looking like an _asshole_, I fucking _hate_ this. I hate even _more_ that I can’t pull myself together enough to keep what’s coming out of my mouth now off your plate. You don’t deserve me to put all my weaknesses on you right now, you just went through shit too- I need to be better than this!”

He wobbled as he made a turn in his pacing and fell heavily against the near door of a closet, catching himself awkwardly. He put his back to the door and slid down it, his legs flopping out in front of him. He felt beyond broken, lost, and entirely unable to comprehend it all.

“Waverly I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to fail you.” His voice was quiet and defeated as he drew his legs up to his chest and leaned his head back against the door, the pounding in his skull starting to take over his thoughts. He closed his eyes and knew he was crying again, silent tears coursing down his cheeks, but he was too tired and too broken to attempt to stop them. He could feel the fog of pain taking over and his body started to slump as he gave into its riptide.

“Hey hey, Nico, you can’t sleep on me baby, no no, stay with me, stay awake.”

Nico blinked his eye open and focused it in on Waverly’s face suddenly in front of him, her eyes full of concern and red rimmed, tracks of tears showing on her cheeks.

“It hurts so much, Waves, I’m sorry, it just _hurts_.”

“All I need you to do is stay with me, stay awake, baby. Stay with me. If you’re with me, I’ll be alright. If you’re not here, that’s when I’ll fall apart, so please, Nico, stay with me.”

Nico nodded the best he could. “My head, I can’t- I’m trying but it’s so loud now, I think I can taste my brain.”

“Come sit with me and I’ll get you something for the pain, ok, baby?”

Nico started to move and then a lance of red hot agony went straight through his skull and he retched.

“Ok, new plan, you stay there and I’ll bring it to you.”

Waverly touched his knee and then was out of the sight of his blurry vision and he sunk further into the door, time losing meaning as he waited for her to return, his skull a pounding slosh of lava.

“I’ve got you Nico. Here we go,” Waverly put a glass of water on the floor, squatting next to him to put the two pills into his palm.

Nico made himself focus on holding the glass, feeling the skin on his face stretch painfully as he opened his jaw, trying to tip his head backward as little as possible as he flicked the pills into his mouth.

“We can discuss this more once you feel better, baby.”

The water felt amazing sliding down his throat, the cold cooling the heat of the cut on the inside of his cheek and he sighed after he drained the glass, handing it back to Waverly, his head still in a blender, but the cold had cleared a little of it, somehow, and he tried to gather his thoughts as gently as he could.

They sat in silence together, the clubhouse winding down around them, the crew’s tense mood starting to dissipate as the night continued on without any sign of retribution, less scuffling could be heard beyond the walls than when they had brought Nico back.

“Where did Rafe come from?”

The question had been the last thing Nico remembered before sliding into nothingness and he couldn’t figure out how it had possibly happened.

Waverly moved to sit next to him against the door, crossing her ankles once she’d stretched out her legs.

“Well, I texted him from your phone.”

“Wait, what?”

Waverly took his left hand in her own, the pads of her fingers gently caressing his bruised knuckles.

“When I saw you talking to Declan, I figured he didn’t have good intentions. Then his crew materialized and I grabbed your phone. There was no reason for that many people for a friendly chat. So I texted Rafe and told him best I could where we were. I just hoped he would get there in time.”

“Wow.” Nico turned his head best he could to look at his girlfriend. “Saved my life again then, Waves.”

Waverly lifted his hand to her lips and kissed the closest unbroken skin and then shrugged.

“I wasn’t going to lose someone who loves me.”

—

The dead of night found Nico sitting on a bench behind the clubhouse, his head reduced to a dull constant throb.

He finished rolling a thick joint and lifted it to his mouth, flicking his zippo open to light it, his mind a million miles away.

Waverly was inside, she’d shooed him away, their tears and anxiety put aside for the moment for dealing with the mundane; his girlfriend realizing how few hours were between them and the wake and jumping into preparation mode, currently ironing his shirt and making sure her own outfit was ready for the morning.

He stared out across the parking lot, his head awash with conflicting thoughts. He hated feeling helpless, not knowing where best to put his feet; Declan had blindsided him in a way he hadn’t thought was possible.

It was nearly impossible not to come down hard on himself over it, he’d actually _dared_ his childhood friend to kill him, nearly left Waverly behind, taken himself away from her, been so _stupid. _Declan had always been able to get under his skin, a frustrating dose of acid worming it’s way through his veins that he couldn’t ignore.

Their last meeting before his Pop had died Declan had run into him outside one of the local bars, Nico’s already thick buzz making decking Declan sound like the best idea both because the rhyme made him giggle in the moment, and because he really just hadn’t been in the mood to deal with Declan’s smarmy face saying transphobic shit as he had snuck out to smoke a joint. Both of them had spent a night in the drunk tank, dried blood down the front of his own t-shirt from an assumed broken nose and Declan with a cut above his eye and an egg on his forehead that looked left by an ostrich.

They’d both perched at opposite ends of the tank, gazing warily at the other, neither willing to concede, their pride a sticking point.

Morning had found them blearily glaring at each other still; Nico unable to forget the words Declan had spit at him. His heart was always heavy on what had gone wrong between them but he was unwilling to be cowed by his friend’s views. He knew who he was and he knew the path he was on was the right one.

_“You made such a mistake, freak.”_

The last words Declan sent his way as they were released that morning and Nico knew he had to mourn the man he had loved as a boy, the friend who used to make him laugh harder than anyone he knew. His heart had broken but he had squared his shoulders and walked resolutely away, his future his to make.

He hadn’t seen Declan since that day, thankfully never running into him during his Pop’s funeral, though he hadn’t thought of the man then either, too wrapped up in the sucking chest wound of his father’s sudden absence.

Nico drew in deep on the joint and let out a shaky breath, the ragged cloud slowly drifting through the beam of the ancient flood light behind him on the wall. He watched the bits of smoke curl and create endless shifting patterns, he was beginning to feel the effects of the herb and feeling less tied to his anxiety was a welcome experience.

He ran his free hand through his hair, utterly flummoxed by the complete unknown that was the wake in the afternoon. Waverly wouldn’t let him sleep, too worried about a concussion, and he had to concede she was probably spot on in that regard; Declan wailing on the side of his face after pistol whipping him had done him no favors.

Nico supposed the only choice he had was to do the best he could, current situation what it was. He looked absolutely fucked, but it couldn’t be changed at this point. He wasn’t going to magically be healed in a few hours, though the compresses Waverly kept having him switch off his split cheek had done a great deal of good, the swelling reduced by a bit and he didn’t feel quite so much like a split tomato.

_Waverly_. He shook his head gently and put the joint to the ash tray, stood up from the table and headed back to the building, pausing to look at the portrait of his father in the hallway as he passed it. He knew his father would have absolutely adored Waverly, her strength and her brilliance. Nico knew he was unbelievably lucky that the woman he loved had had the foresight to text Rafe, to think quickly enough to save them both.

If Waverly let him, Nico would pledge the rest of his life to showing her how extraordinary he thought she was. He had no idea how anyone could have ever taken her for granted, her endless kindness and joy only making him want to prove himself to her even more.

He touched two fingers to the frame of the picture. “Miss you too, old man.”

The door to their rooms opened and Waverly stuck her head out the door.

“Hoped that was you coming in. I scrounged up some tea, I thought it might help.”

Nico smiled as best he could and headed into the suite to wait out the hours until morning, knowing the only way out was through.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nico finds his way through his grandfather's funeral, Arizona's monsoon weather and hard conversations.
> 
> What he discovers on the other side may pleasantly surprise him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story is still pretty heavy early on, but I promise, there's a beautiful light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't the front of another train.

Nico hadn’t meant to fall asleep, neither of them had; his head slipped off Waverly’s shoulder and up with a start, his girlfriend waking up at nearly the same time as her head lost the support she’d been using.

“What-”

“Oh, no, Nico.”

“Oops.”

Light was streaming through a crack in the curtains, painting their legs with a stripe of bright warm sunlight. They had curled up next to each other on the couch as they sipped their tea, a not uncomfortable silence between them, both lost in their own thoughts. As was always the case, by the time they’d finished their mugs, they were laying tangled together, Nico’s uninjured cheek resting on Waverly’s shoulder, Waverly’s head resting against his own. Between the warmth of the tea and the exhaustion in their bones, they were unable to stop the pull of their eyelids, asleep between one thought and the next.

Waverly grabbed for her phone on the coffee table in front of them, flipping it over.

“Seven twenty-four. Ok, we only slept for two hours. Shit, your head. How’s your head?”

Waverly gently put her hands to his skull, tilting his face to look at his eye. He winced and shrugged.

“The pills definitely wore off, but I don’t feel like I’m immediately going to hurl, so that’s nice.”

Nico could feel the care in her fingers as she moved his head to better check his injury, his eye still swollen shut above the gash.

“You shouldn’t have slept, but not much we can do about it now, and seems you’re ok. Looks like the swelling has gone down a little too, is it still really painful?”

Nico tried to stretch and move his cheek, the earlier immediate pain replaced by a deep bone soreness and annoying sharp buzzing twinge when he shifted the barely-there healing around the split of skin. One of the crew had used a butterfly bandage to close it and he could feel the restriction of it as he shifted his jaw. He was about to lean back into the couch when there was a knock at the door and they both looked between themselves before Nico got up and stumbled with stiff legs to the door, his knees aching.

The open door revealed Rafe, his hair a bit unkempt and a steaming mug of coffee in his hand.

“Hey Nico, Waverly.” He nodded to Waverly over Nico’s shoulder before his eyes drew back to the redhead and his lips thinned.

“I know you’ve got a lot goin’ on today, and I hate to make it more complicated, but with what happened last night, club is going to be on full watch next few days, make sure that shitstain doesn’t try anything else. Bunch of degenerates, but they still have decent ranks and I don’t want to risk a repeat. So no leaving the compound if you don’t have to, and if you do, you’re going with an escort. Waverly mentioned you have to go pick something up this morning, give me the address and we’ll send a prospect, no need to chance retaliation.”

Nico ran his hand through his hair and blew out a breath, his body sagging a little as he crossed his hands over his chest.

“I’m sorry you got dragged into this, Rafe. That the crew did. I know you know Declan, but he should have kept his issues with me between us.”

Rafe clapped a hand to Nico’s shoulder and smiled his small crooked smile.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted a legitimate reason to shut that fucker’s crew down? After he took over from Old Man Walsh, he destroyed whatever credibility they once had. Last five years they’ve turned into little more than Declan’s racist street crew, ruffians with no respect badgering small businesses for protection money.”

He sneered and then sighed. “They’re not smart, but they’re cruel and I want to make sure they don’t fuck anything else up. You should be able to mourn in peace today.”

“Thank you, Rafe, honestly. I know you don’t have to be this kind, me not being in the club, and I appreciate it, truly.”

Rafe gave a dismissive huff. “Boy, you’re family. Hell, we raised you just as much as your old man. We’re not going anywhere. Plus I’m not letting Declan get his paws on the ‘Cuda, are you kidding me?”

Nico’s lips quirked. “Well yes, have to think of the ‘Cuda.”

Rafe winked. “Duh.”

Nico shook his head as he felt a hand ghost across his back, Waverly appearing beside him with a slip of paper she handed to Rafe.

“That’s the address for the tailor, they open at nine.”

Rafe took the note and tucked it into the pocket of his vest. “Thanks Waverly, I’ll send someone over when it opens so you can get ready for later. Shep is making breakfast if you want any, there’s a lot of coffee too, been a long night for us all. I’m glad we were able to get there in time, though, Nico. I am,” he shook his head ruefully. “Declan is impatient and reckless but I never thought he’d go that far.”

Waverly leaned into his chest and his arm went around her unconsciously. “It shouldn’t have happened that way, but I am damn thankful you did, I owe you a depth of gratitude for saving my bacon.”

Rafe sniffed. “Your old man would lay me out from beyond the grave, I left you to get stuck in a situation like that.”

Nico smirked. “Yeah, he probably would.”

A body came up the hallway and stopped by Rafe, the shadows of the space revealing it to be Cutter, his second. He and Nico exchanged nods.

“Miss Waverly.” He inclined his head toward the brunette.

Waverly gave him a brilliant smile. “Good morning, Cutter.”

Nico kept his smirk on the inside, understanding the slight pink shade appearing on Cutter’s cheeks. The man ducked his head before he saw Rafe’s teasing raised eyebrow and shook himself back to serious.

“We didn’t hear of much the rest of the night, no one tried to come back for their kuttes or gear, but we did hear there was some spray paint out on the old Washburn warehouse, probably one of their prospects feeling themselves. We’ll continue to monitor things, but I bet Declan will be licking his wounds for a while yet.”

“Let’s hope so.” Rafe sighed and cleared his throat. “Alright, gonna leave you be, I’ll have the prospect bring you the suit and let me know when you’re heading to the wake, going to put two riders on you. And no,” Rafe held up a finger when Nico started to open his mouth, “there will be no arguing.”

Nico gave a begrudging lift of his shoulders. “Alright.”

He felt Waverly poke him in the side. “Damn right, no arguing.”

Rafe chuckled as he and Cutter headed back to the main area. “I’ll leave you to defend yourself on this one, kid.”

Waverly mock glared at him and he gave a half smile, still not wanting to move his cheek much and she relented, tucking herself back into his body.

“Forget the club members, I’m not letting you out of my sight.” 

“Barnacle Earp is go.”

Waverly bumped his chest with her head. “If it means keeping you safe, you bet. Let’s go get some grub.”

—

They took their breakfast outside under an awning stretched at the corner of the ‘L’ of the building, the clean picnic tables thankfully in the shade. Was barely past eight but the sun was already beating down, the asphalt heating quickly, Nico making sure his barefoot prone girlfriend was at least wearing sandals. He’d seared the bottom of his own feet as a kid running from a local public pool to his Pop’s car once one summer and had never forgotten the singular pain of the next few days afterward, trying to walk.

The meal was eggs and pancakes and fruit, Nico delightedly munching on his bacon and Waverly pretending not to notice. They sat quietly outside, the garage crew wandering in and getting the shop set up, bay doors rolling up and hydraulic lifts being tested. Waverly played with the edge of her napkin, her fork chasing a grape through the last of the maple syrup on her plate.

“Nico?”

“Hmm, yeah?” He pulled himself back from his thoughts and gave Waverly his attention.

“Can we talk about the wake?”

Nico nodded with some reluctance. “I don’t want to, but I know I need to face it, so yeah. Hit me.”

“Do we have a plan?”

Nico blew out a breath, his head shaking. “No? Yes? Sort of? I can’t fix my face, or my body, or who I am, so I dunno, Waves. Think my best plan of action is just to play it by ear. I don’t want to be reactionary, but I don’t know what to prepare for since I have no idea how they were going to react originally and now I _really_ have no idea. I hope the suit will at least give them pause on throwing me out the door.”

Waverly frowned, her eyebrows drawing together. “I know it’s hard to, but you can’t think like that Nico. You have every right to be there, your poor face or not, and I’ll be right there with you, no matter how they react. I’ll be your buffer, if you want one, but something tells me you’re about to say-”

“-Thank you love, but I need to do this myself.”

“Yep. That.” Waverly nodded and graced him with a smile. “My best baby stands on his own two feet and I adore you for it.”

Nico shrugged. “The worst case scenario is that people who wrote me off a long time ago continue to do so. It’ll fucking blow, of course it will, but it won’t be anything new.”

“That’s an optimistically depressing outlook, but yeah. And it’s not like you don’t have family, Nico. So what if the people who never saw you miss out on how wonderful you are. Their gigantic continuing loss.”

Waverly nudged him with her sandaled foot and gave him the smile he knew was just for him. His heart was starting to thump under his ribcage the closer they got to the wake, but he would go through with this, no matter what happened. He owed that to himself, and his grandfather.

The relative quiet was broken by the sound of a motorcycle and one zipped in the lot, parking at the end of the club’s lineup of bikes, all pulled against the far fence. A scrawny tow-headed boy jumped off the bike, carefully removed his cargo from its stays, and walked over to Nico and Waverly. He placed the box down on the table almost reverently and nodded respectfully at them both.

“I waited around before they opened so I could get it back here as soon as possible. Rafe said keep it snappy, so I did.”

“Thanks, Spike, I appreciate it.” Nico bumped knuckles with the kid and watched him sketch an almost partial bow at them both before scuttling off across the sun-blasted asphalt into the yawning darkness of the open garage bay.

“So he’s like what, an intern?”

Nico laughed. “Sort of. It’s where we all start. A prospect. You fetch, watch, do all the grunt work. If it needs cleaning, you clean it. Repairing, you repair it. Guys can be playfully tough on the prospects, but at the end of the day you want someone who _wants_ to have your back out of love, not fear, so it never goes that far.”

“And _Spike?_” Waverly raised an eyebrow. “He’s more a beanpole than you are!”

“First- hey! Second- he got the nickname when he was a wee little kid, was always too curious and managed to take a header off a table and put a big nail straight through his hand. He didn’t know many words but somehow he knew ‘spike’ because it was the first thing he yelled. Name stuck when after it healed anytime he saw you he would hold his hand up to you to show you the scar and tell you what did it.”

Waverly laughed quietly. “That’s both awful and rather endearing.”

“He’s a good kid, has wanted to be patched in since he was tiny.”

“Would you want to?”

Nico started. “Get patched in?”

Waverly nodded.

Nico took in a deep breath and dipped his head side to side, his eyebrows lifting in surprised thought, knuckles of one hand absently rubbing at his unkempt beard.

“That’s a big damn question Waves.”

“What do you mean?”

Nico dropped his hands together on the table, cracking his knuckles before he started playing with a knot in the wood of the table. He thought for a few seconds before he answered.

“Patching in is a lifetime commitment. I would have to be _here_, in it, every day, without fail. If I was going to think about truly making that decision, I would have to know some things for sure about what was happening in my life and the relationships within it and where they were going. I don’t think that’s a conversation I’m really ready or able to have right now.”

Waverly regarded him for a second before she gave a small nod. “That’s fair enough. I-” She pinked a little. “I am open to talking about it with you, in the future; if that’s something you would want.”

Nico felt his heart skip but he tried to keep his voice even, even though the thought of possibility made him beyond happy, patching in wasn’t ever something he would take lightly.

“I will file that away, Wave.” He reached across the table, took her hand in his and gently squeezed it. Waverly squeezed back, before turning her attention to the large rectangular box Spike had placed on the table in front of them.

“Shall we see what’s inside?”

—

Nico stood in front of the mirror and used the hand towel to wipe off the condensation from the shower, his misshapen face looking back. After the hot water he could see that his cheek looked a little less angry, the swelling down a tiny bit more. 

“We really have to stop meeting like this. Waverly’s going to start thinking we’re trying for sexy ugly at this rate.” He poked at his cheekbone and both he and his reflection winced.

“Hope that doesn’t leave a scar.”

“Talking to yourself?” Waverly edged into the bathroom holding her own shower items.

“Occupational hazard of an only child, besides, you didn’t mind, did you?” He gestured toward his reflection, who gestured back.

“See, no issue.”

Waverly chuckled and ran her finger distractedly down the wet path of a water droplet he hadn’t gotten to towel off yet, following the wet stripe down to the edge of the cloth where the droplet had disappeared into the thatch of hair beyond. Nico shivered and raised an eyebrow. Waverly only leaned forward and pressed her lips to the skin above his heart before looking at him, her tone sure.

“No matter what happens today, I’m here, ok? I’m not going anywhere. Follow what you need to wherever it leads.” 

Nico brushed her hair back from her face before cupping it in both hands, his thumbs rubbing gently against her skin.

“I love you, Waverly. I know I keep repeating it but it’s too true- I am so thankful for you. But especially today.” He dipped his head to kiss her, the soft skin of her lips always drawing him in.

Waverly’s arms went around his waist as she pushed them both back against the counter behind him, the soft cotton of her robe between them. Nico moved his hands to slowly scratch at her scalp as they continued to lovingly kiss and Waverly hummed happily against his mouth before pulling back and kissing his nose.

“Ok, I need to hop in there if we’re going to be on time.”

Nico sighed and let Waverly move away from him toward the shower, turning away to look at himself in the mirror and see what he needed to do to trim up his scruffy beard.

He knew he kept focusing on tasks to make sure he continued moving forward, but it was working and he didn’t have time to try and process the night before. While the wake didn’t start until one, he and Waverly decided they wanted to take getting there a little slower than they would normally, and that meant leaving earlier. Plus the midday traffic could often suddenly be at a standstill and his anxiety would skyrocket if they managed to be late.

He looked back at himself in the mirror and wet his beard from the basin. Nico had taught himself how to shave and while he didn’t have crazy barber skills, the reflection that looked back at him once he was done hinted at clean cut, if you ignored the top half of his face.

—

Being in the suit gave him armor. As soon as Nico put it on he felt so much better. He hoped that the formality of it would provide the distance he needed from the world to function at the moment. He checked himself in the full length mirror on the back of the suite’s door, his white shirt crisply pressed by Waverly, the muted dark silver of the vest buttoned smartly over it making his hair pop.

“Want to come with me while I get my grandfather’s watch?” Nico met Waverly’s eyes in the mirror, and she nodded, back in a tee and a pair of shorts, her damp hair in a braid over her shoulder. The dress Waverly was going to wear was hung up across the room, she’d just finished steaming it and Nico was curious to see what it looked like on his girlfriend, he hadn’t yet seen her dressed up.

He held out his hand and she took it; they silently walked through to a part of the clubhouse Waverly hadn’t yet seen, usually for club members only.

“I feel like I’m entering the inner sanctum,” Waverly whispered.

Nico chuckled quietly. “You kinda are.”

He came to a door halfway down the hallway and turned the knob, flicking on a light and stepping into the space.

They stood in a tiny chapel, three small pews behind them and an altar in front of them, filled with half used candles and tiny statues of saints, varied in origin, a larger brass Buddha sitting in the middle of them all, ashes from incense at his feet.

“Oh wow.”

Nico smiled. “One of my favorite places in the clubhouse. Everyone uses it for their own needs, as varied as it is. Some pray, some pace; Cutter hotboxes the room and listens to Madonna on these crazy headphones. It’s here for whatever.”

“That’s really cool, Nico.”

He nodded and moved to the rear of the small room, peeling back the end of the rug to reveal the face of a safe.

“Sneaky, sneaky.”

Nico turned the dial to the numbers he’d known by heart since he was ten, the solid thunk of the lock disengaging almost too loud in the quiet room. He pulled the door up and open, the contents as he expected them, his own hands the last to touch the safe after his father had died.

Nico reached in and pulled out a shallow, small square green box and handed it to Waverly. His fingers brushed the box with the family rings in it, but he couldn’t think about that now.

“Open it.”

He set about closing and locking the safe as Waverly lifted the top off the box with a squeak, the old paper box having slightly warped against itself.

“Nico, it’s beautiful.”

Waverly gently lifted the silver pocket watch from the box, cradling it in her hand as her eyes followed the intricate patterns carved into the case.

“Can I?” Waverly gestured and Nico nodded, stranding and flipping the edge of the rug back in place.

Waverly opened the watch, checked the time and nodded to herself as she gently closed the cover. She slipped the watch into the pocket of the vest and then attached the chain, smoothing his vest as she stepped away.

“You look rather dapper, boyfriend of mine.”

Nico stopped just before they stepped back out into the room and took both of Waverly’s hands in his own, her eyes meeting his with a smile.

“What’s up?”

Nico cleared his throat, glancing to the altar and realizing they were standing in front of it. He didn’t want their location to make his words seem bigger than they were, but he needed Waverly to know how he felt before they left for the wake.

“Before we leave here today, before we know what’s going to happen, I want you to know that I’m going to do the best I can to shield you from whatever could go down. You being here is beyond what I could have wished for, even with what went on last night and the fact that you’re still here, still standing beside me…it means so much. You could have gone running for the hills, let me fall asleep and taken the first car to the airport, but you didn’t. You stayed. Waverly, I don’t think I’d ever want to love anyone else, the person you show me is amazing every day.”

Waverly smiled, her eyes crinkling in the way that always made his stomach flutter and she squeezed his hands. “I told you I was going to be there for you, Nico, and I meant it. You’ve brought something incredible to my life and yes, last night was really scary, but you’re right, I did stay, I am staying; I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

She glanced over, realized where they were standing as well and chuckled. “Well now I feel like they’re all going to hold me to it.”

The motley arrangement of tiny statuary looked on and didn’t comment.

Waverly chuckled again. “If I get hit by lightning, I know who to come ask first.”

—

Nico buttoned the last button on his jacket and adjusted his cuffs, letting a hint of his shirtsleeve show. He subtly adjusted the front of his pants, he’d decided to pack to the wake, not for any sexual need, but for the feeling of wholeness the reassuring weight and presence brought him. He’d made the decision while Waverly was in the bathroom finishing getting ready and he felt more himself with it on. The tightness of the boxer briefs he was wearing and the cut of the suit made it so the slight bulge wasn’t noticeable, last thing he needed on top of everything else was someone at the wake screaming about how he was popping a boner in public.

He moved closer to the mirror, wishing he could at least speed up the healing of his cheek enough that the swelling would be down to the point that his eye could open, but everything with Declan had happened barely twelve hours ago and even if it felt like a lifetime ago by now, wasn’t actually. The good thing, he supposed, was that also meant the bruising hadn’t had much time to form either; washed of the blood his face was swollen, the angry split on his cheek visible, but his skin was still the color it would be normally, the purples and reds and greens still a few days off. He looked the best he was going to until it all healed.

“Hey Nico, can you come zip me?” Waverly’s voice came from the slightly open bathroom door and Nico moved toward it, his breath catching when he pushed the door open and saw his girlfriend.

Waverly was looking back at him over her shoulder, the narrow ‘V’ of creamy skin on display catching his eye as he reached for the zipper and carefully zipped up Waverly’s black lace dress. She turned back to him, smoothing the material that fell to her knees.

“What do you think?”

“Waves, baby, you look incredible. I know this is a wake, but I couldn’t think you’re anything but breathtaking.” 

Waverly’s cute coltish legs were on display, her black strappy sandals completing the outfit. She’d let her hair out of the tight braid and it flowed down and over her shoulders in shiny curls. He’d never seen Waverly wear makeup before, but she’d gone with some eyeliner and he couldn’t stop staring at how her eyes seemed to jump out at him, warm hazel amused by his stare.

“When this is all over, remind me to only take you fancy places.” Nico shook his head in admiration and Waverly winked at him.

“I see this working out well for me.”

—

It was only when Nico sat down in the driver’s seat of the ‘Cuda that his throat started to tighten, he’d been able to distract himself with getting ready and his eyes seemed unable to peel themselves away from Waverly; but with his hand to the key in the ignition and two of the crew revving their bike engines, ready to escort them, all of his anxiety came flooding back.

Nico took a deep breath and turned the key, the ‘Cuda roaring to life. Waverly put her hand on his thigh and squeezed gently.

“You can do this.”

He nodded, putting the car in reverse. “I can do this.”

—

They took the travel slow, both of them feeling the anxiety in the car, but Waverly was her wonderful self and kept up a lighthearted narration of their trip, picking up on things outside the windows to comment on, letting Nico get away with noises of agreement as his mind turned over the threadbare plan he had to survive the afternoon. He could see Cutter and Big Joe in his rearview mirror, both men focused on their duty and the road; he swallowed thickly, knowing that even though he wanted to argue with Rafe’s mandate, it was the man’s way of caring for him and he knew he wasn’t walking into the day without family beside him.

He’d wanted to show up to the wake as early as possible, one, to get the interaction over with if it was going to be tough, and two, to run into any of his family when they were at their least tired; he didn’t want to be the last stray wandering in at the end that they were too emotionally drained to deal with.

The sun was baking everything outside of the car and Nico was glad for his sunglasses as he drove past another blinding glare. He wanted to keep them on, the wide aviator lenses covering up a good chunk of his cheek, but he knew wearing them inside would be seen as disrespectful and he wouldn’t be that.

He hated how little his thoughts had been of his grandfather, he didn’t know if he could carry more feelings of shame, but he felt them, Declan and his mother warring for his internal thoughts, not leaving much room for him to mourn the man he’d traveled for. He hoped his grandfather could forgive him his wandering thoughts.

—

Nico knew roughly where the funeral home was, though this close to Sun City they were, along with doctors’ offices and medical supply shops, one of the more frequent sights in town. This one was a bit away from downtown, the parking lot with a good deal of empty space beyond, a long freight train going by in the distance as it pulled away from the rails that ran through downtown. Nico pulled into the back row, a cluster of cars all parked as close to the door at the other edge of the space, but he wanted to keep his distance. Cutter and Big Joe pulled alongside and cut their engines, the ‘Cuda reflected in their sunglasses.

Nico stepped out of the car and reached behind his seat for his jacket and slipped it on, Waverly making her own way around the ‘Cuda to him.

“We won’t be far, so let us know when you’re heading back, Nico, and we’ll do this trip in reverse.” Cutter nodded at him and Nico returned it.

“Thanks guys, really.”

Cutter fired up his Harley and Big Joe followed, both heading to a bar around the corner to wait.

Nico and Waverly were left alone in the parking lot, the sudden silence after the bikes departed louder than he thought it should be. He felt Waverly’s hand entwine with his and he looked over at his girlfriend, the desert breeze playfully batting at her hair.

They both turned to look as a car pulled in the front of the lot and he couldn’t help how his stomach plummeted, but a shuffling elderly couple got out of the sedan and made their way to the door. Waverly squeezed his hand as his shoulders relaxed.

“One of these cars will be hers, but I’m right here, Nico. You’re going to make it through this.”

Nico nodded and squared his shoulders. Waverly was right. He’d survived much worse than a glare in his life, or unkind words. Hell, last night he had a damn _gun_ held to his head. He knew he was giving his mother a lot of power worrying so much about what could possibly happen and he needed to slow his own roll in that regard. She would not be the one who controlled his destiny, and she sure hadn’t been around in his life enough to call claim to any of what he’d lived.

He was Nico Ely Haught, self-forged and battle tested. With his love by his side, he _would_ see this through.

—

The funeral home was much the same as any, a foyer made to look like a welcoming space, various sized “parlors” off the hallway that led from it for different gatherings, the closest room on the right had both sliding doors open and that’s where his feet started to lead him, a willowy man in a well-used black suit standing by the nearest door with a basket of memorial cards in his hands. He greeted Nico and Waverly, tactfully avoiding a stare at Nico’s face, and handed them both one of the small laminated cards, his grandfather’s much younger rakish grin beaming up at him, a fisherman’s bucket hat askew on his head. Nico could feel his whole body tighten as he read the psalms quoted on the back, he never knew how people distilled a complicated life down to a few oft-repeated quotes.

“Are you family?” The man’s quiet question broke him out of his thoughts.

“I-um, yes. I am.”

“Family is to be seated in the center section, if you don’t mind, for today. We’re sorry for your loss.”

Nico nodded and moved past the man, his professionally distant smile already turned toward the middle aged couple behind them. The room was a decent size, a good dozen people spread between the three sections, quick math putting the potential attendees at around seventy-five. There was no receiving line yet, but Nico’s eyes found the casket at the front of the room and stopped, his heart quickening beneath his ribs.

He felt Waverly shake their clasped hands and he let go immediately, realizing he’d clamped down on Waverly’s. He threw her an apologetic look and she smiled back, taking his hand in hers again, albeit more loosely and he didn’t blame her.

“Do you want to go up now?” Waverly leaned in close to his shoulder.

He blew out a troubled breath but nodded. “Probably a good idea if things go sideways.” 

As if she could read his mind, Waverly said, “I’ll grab two seats here, you go on.”

Nico walked down the right side aisle, his shoulders square and his head held high. He kept his eyes on the casket and not the few people he passed, though no one tried to stop him.

He’d put so much focus into making it to the wake he hadn’t thought about what would greet him when he got there, his grandfather’s face meeting him as soon as he stood in front of the open casket. The man looked smaller, in death, though it didn’t surprise Nico, without his lungs filled with air to laugh or tell a story, there was nothing to make the man seem as big as his grandfather had been in life.

He held his jacket to the front of his body and leaned over the casket, pressing a soft kiss to his grandfather’s forehead, surprised when his lips touched icy cold flesh. _The mortuary, of course. _It was unexpected, but reinforced the finality in a way that made Nico twinge.

Nico stood straight again, a small sigh escaping him as he looked at his grandfather’s stilled face. A wave of sadness crashed over his shoulders and they drooped, Nico letting them for a second before he straightened back up, the movement of his lungs almost painful as he tried to breathe through his grief. There were a lot of never-agains staring him in the face and he could feel the burn of tears starting behind his eyes, his hands clasping in front of him as his head bowed and he tried to blink them away. He looked at his grandfather’s folded hands and noticed the pale stripe of skin where his signet ring had sat and Nico hoped whoever had it would treasure the ring the way his grandfather had, would understand its significance.

“I love you, Grandpa. Always.” His throat tightened until it crackled when he swallowed, but he got the words out and breathed in another difficult breath before closing his eyes and turning away from the casket, not opening them until he was more than a step away.

He searched quickly for Waverly and found her sitting near the back on the edge of an aisle; he made his way toward her with quick steps, his eye on a subtle swivel for any relatives he might recognize. Thankfully no one looked familiar and he made it to the open seat next to his girlfriend with little fuss and few side glances, though he knew they were focused on what had happened to his face.

Waverly took her hand in his as he sat and he gripped it softly, trying not to repeat earlier in his distracted anxiety.

“I managed to forget a handkerchief, I don’t want to mess up my suit though.” Nico tried to dab the corner of his swollen eye with the edge of his shirt sleeve and Waverly tsked.

“You think I didn’t plan for that too?” She reached into her small black clutch and pulled out a soft, brilliant white, folded square of fabric, three monogrammed letters in the corner, and handed it to him.

Nico turned the letters toward him and saw that they were his own and his heart swelled to the point that he almost wanted to cry from Waverly’s kindness too; she found the smallest and sweetest ways to show how she cared for him and it opened a good, raw place in his heart.

“Thank you, love, for this.” He leaned over and pressed his lips gently to her temple before dabbing his eyes with the cloth and tucking it delicately into his suit jacket pocket.

They sat quietly together, watching as the mostly older crowd filled in, pairs and small groups greeting each other. Nico recognized some of his grandfather’s other antiquing friends, a dozen or so mostly ex-military, retired guys his grandfather had hung out with every weekend; they would hit up all the auctions early in the morning and then retire to their favorite coffee shop for hours to bullshit the same stories they’d been telling for twenty years. The men had shrunk a bit, now had more canes and hearing aids, were lesser in number, but they still stood as proud as they could past the years, each in their turn paying respects to their friend.

The sight alone made Nico’s calm façade wobble, other people’s relational grief hitting him harder than his own; he knew his grandfather was beloved and the community was proving it.

The wake program had listed a speaking section, there was to be a celebrant and Nico hoped he’d be able to sit through their recitation and leave. As more people filed into the room, he knew the likelihood of running into his mother grew, but so far he still hadn’t seen any of his blood family.

From the corner of his eye he saw movement and a redheaded teenager was pulled into the room, his hand in the grip of a little redheaded girl who marched them unerringly to the front row and plopped herself in a seat, immediately turning around to speak to the older women seated in the second row behind her. Beyond the hair, there was something familiar in the shape of their faces and Nico expected they must be some younger cousins who had been born after his mom had taken off. The teenage boy looked around the room but didn’t seem to see who he was looking for, slumping in the seat next to his sister, moving uncomfortably in his suit.

There was a commotion and a line of his family drifted in from the left side door, passing right by Nico and Waverly without a second glance, all filing in to the first and second row of seats. He recognized aunts, now older, and their husbands, last seen at the family Christmas gathering the winter before their family had fallen apart. There was a group of other people following he didn’t recognize, but he wasn’t surprised, he had been so young when the door to that part of the family had closed.

Though he knew it was inevitable, his heart still tore in two when he glanced up and saw his mother, the arm of a tall sandy-haired man comfortingly thrown around her shoulders. He started, bile rising in his throat and Waverly noticed the change in his demeanor, he could tell she was watching his mother pass too, but neither of them made a move to stop her and she walked by, a tissue covering her mouth and her eyes red-rimmed.

The pair walked to the front row and sat down, the teenager moving over two chairs and slumping down again, the little girl immediately moving to climb into his mother’s lap and he watched the back of her head as she bent down to kiss the girl’s forehead and smooth away the messy red curls.

He didn’t know what he was feeling except his body seemed to be farther and farther away as he watched the scene unfold, his stomach tying itself in knots he had no name for.

He’d somehow never thought she would have another family, another husband, and other children. It had never crossed his grief-stricken mind and he felt like a fool, watching the sandy haired man comfort his mother, her children by her side. She held the small girl to her, petting her hair and smoothing her dress, Nico felt each caress like a stab. They weren’t cousins, they were his _siblings_. Half-siblings. He had a brother and a sister he’d never known about. 

Nico wasn’t sure how he was still breathing but he could feel Waverly’s warm hands around his own, held in her lap; his whole body was buzzing even as he struggled to keep himself from turning inside out.

“Nico! There you are!”

He was jostled out of his pained stare, looking up to meet Ms. Nelsen’s big smile, her hand clapped to his shoulder.

“Oh dear, what happened to your _face_?”

Nico winced at her loud tone, several people turning back to look at them as he shoved his feelings back into his chest and rose to meet her.

“Ms. Nelsen, it’s good to see you,” he smiled as best he could, trying to hide his wince as the movement stretched his cheek. 

“My dear boy, what on Earth did you get up to?” Ms. Nelsen bypassed her usual hug to put her hands to his face and tug it down to her level, assessing him over the rim of her glasses.

“I, well-” Nico sputtered.

“We ran into some trouble last night with a ruffian on the road.” Waverly’s arm was sliding around his waist and then she was beside him, giving Ms. Nelsen her best smile. 

“Nico! Who is this beautiful creature?”

“Ms. Nelsen, this is my girlfriend, Waverly Earp.” Nico gestured to Waverly as she stuck out her hand to shake.

Ms. Nelsen’s smile caused her own eyes to disappear into decades of laugh lines before she swooped Waverly up into a hug, rocking her back and forth before releasing the brunette, Waverly kindly allowing herself to be handled.

“Waverly Earp. Now that’s a name! I’m Ms. Nelsen, was Nico’s grandad’s neighbor across the carport for the last thirty years. I’ve known Nico since he was a tiny pink-dressed baby, though that didn’t last long,” she laughed. “Honey, you’re as gorgeous as a sunrise over the canyon, I declare. Nico, you won the lottery here, you know? Hope he takes darn good care of you darlin.”

Nico felt Waverly’s squeeze around his middle, his eye trying to somewhat gauge whether or not Ms. Nelsen’s loud voice had caught his mother’s attention, but no, she had her head in close by the sandy-haired man’s and he relaxed inwardly.

“He’s the best, really. It’s very nice to meet you, Ms. Nelsen. I wish it was under better circumstances.”

“Lord, listen to you, polite as a church mouse. You are something special. Well, I’ll leave you two be, we’re supposed to be sad, I know. Can’t have your grandad waiting on me to get my tush up there anyway. Was so lovely to meet you, Waverly. Nico, eat a sandwich my boy, you’re always too skinny.”

She smiled at them both and moved slowly down the rest of the aisle, greeting people she knew as she went. How the woman had kept the truth of his life from his grandfather, he didn’t know, but for as many secrets as Ms. Nelsen spilled, there were hundreds she never had.

He watched as Ms. Nelsen approached his mother before stepping toward the casket and Nico’s heart skipped several beats as his mother turned and he couldn’t avoid her eyes, his body in the motion of sitting down and he froze almost as the look of confusion and then recognition and shock flit across her face. She let the girl slip to the ground off her lap, and then she took several steps toward the edge of the aisle, her eyes still glued to his, her lips slimming into a thin line.

“Nico?” He barely heard Waverly over the blood rushing through his skull as he took in the face that was moving steadily closer to him. She had the same longish red hair he remembered, deeper red than his own, framing the usually kind looking face, though it now carried quite a few more laugh lines and freckles than he remembered.

“She saw me.”

Nico felt Waverly reaching for his hand but then his mother was standing in front of him and he didn’t know what to do.

“With me, _now_.” His mother looked him straight in the eye and jerkily tugged her head toward the door, setting a brisk pace out of it and expecting him to follow without looking back. He glanced almost helplessly at Waverly as he willed his feet to move, following this almost stranger away from the safety of the room and into the quiet side hallway.

Nico’s first thought was that he was now taller than his mother by a few inches, the change in his experience of her almost as jarring as her presence before him.

She began to pace in a short circuit, her head shaking and arms folded around her body. He didn’t quite believe she was real.

“How are you here? And looking like _that?”_ His mother gestured toward him.

Nico pulled himself to his full height. “Do you mean who I am, mother, or my face?”

“Don’t sass me, girl.” She huffed. “Boy. Child. _You_. Why are you here?”

Nico fought down the feelings screaming to get out of him after her words and took a deep breath. “To say goodbye to my grandfather.”

“Looking like that?”

Nico poked at his cheek, and winced with a near petulant curl of his lip. “I thought my suit looked just great, Mother.”

“What _happened_ _to your face_??” His mother seemed torn between frustration, anger and absolute surprise.

“The past. The past happened to my face, Mother, and the past is still happening now. Is this really what you want to talk to me about? I haven’t seen you in _twenty years_.”

His mother shook her head and couldn’t quite meet his eye, her toe stubbing into the carpet. “You’re not wrong about the past still happening. You look so much like your father; I thought it was him standing there.”

Nico felt her words like a punch, though he had somewhat expected them; didn’t stop the force of them from collapsing his ribs against his lungs just the same. His brows knit as he tried to hold in his emotions.

Brown eyes darted around his face. “You look so much like him; like he would when he came home from a scuffle with those ruffians he called friends, always drinking and joking and getting into fights.” She scowled. “I left that behind for a reason.”

Nico scoffed. “You mean left me behind.”

His mother moved like he’d slapped her. “Don’t you bring that up now, not here. I did what I had to do back then, I won’t apologize to you or anyone else.” 

Nico looked at her sadly, his hands coming up between them, entreating her to _hear_ him.

“Did you even think about me at all, Mother? When you were falling for someone else, wherever you ended up? Did you think of me when you held your next newborn child in your arms? Or the one after that? Did you ever think of me, Mother, wonder what I might be doing after you drove away that night? Not a word in twenty years. Did you even _care_ how I was? Do you understand I _needed_ _you?”_

His mother shook her head rapidly, “No, I don’t have to listen to this. My choices were the ones I had to make. You seem fine, I guess, with whatever you did with those years. I knew your father loved you, more than he ever loved me. I knew you would be fine.”

Nico’s hands balled into fists. “I wasn’t fine, Mother. I wasn’t fine for _years_. You _left us. _We weren’t fine. Did you even care when he _died?”_

His mother paused her pacing at that. “Yes, Matthew and I were told and yes, I was saddened to hear.”

“Still couldn’t pick up the phone then either? I did _everything_ on my own_. I buried my father without you._”

His mother grimaced with what Nico hoped could be guilt but her eyes flashed her anger again. “Don’t you take that tone with me, _you_. You have no right to question my decisions. I rebuilt my life and I will get through this day without you messing it up.” His mother pointed an angry finger at him.

Nico took a reactive step back, a scoff traveling across his mouth, his lip twitching. “Messing it up? By what? Reminding you that you _had_ a family before? That your neat narrative you’ve built for yourself is a few chapters longer than you’ve told? Does _Matthew_ even know you already had a kid? Or did you totally write me off to make it easier for you to leave me behind?”

His mother’s eyes radiated her anger. “No, he doesn’t know, and you’re _not_ going to ruin that.”

“I have siblings, Mother. _Siblings_. Those kids are-”

“Mine. They’re mine. Part of _my_ life and no, I don’t think you should meet them. I don’t want you to stay here, you shouldn’t be here, you should go.”

Nico tried to breathe in past the hammering of his heart and the way he couldn’t stop the tremor in his legs. He shook his head to clear it.

“Seriously, this is what you’re going with? My grandfather was more family to me than you _ever_ were. Did he tell you we still talked? That we spent _years_ having a relationship? He was one of the best people in my life and you don’t get to decide how I mourn him.”

“He was _my_ father, and _I_ have to bury him. And I will do so how _I_ need. I don’t want you here any longer, so don’t come back in the room. I have to go. _Don’t_ follow me.”

His mother threw him an almost pleading look and rushed past him back into the wake, leaving Nico alone in the hallway to slump against the wall, the tears fighting hard to escape. He bit at the inside of his uninjured cheek to try and stifle the sob that wanted so badly to emerge from deep within him. His left hand came to rub at the beard along his jaw before he clamped it down across his mouth, the only thing he could think to do to keep himself together, keep his mouth shut before he screamed.

—

Waverly found him a few minutes later, still absently blinking into the place his mother had been, trying to understand how all of it had gone so wrong and realizing at the same time that there was never going to be a good moment between them. Twenty years of silence and now that was going to be how he got to remember her, angry and defensive in a hallway.

There was a touch to his shoulder and he jumped, spinning to find his girlfriend looking at him deeply with worry.

“Baby, I didn’t mean to startle you, I just saw your mother come back in the room but you didn’t follow. She looked really agitated and I needed to make sure you’re ok.”

Nico met Waverly’s eyes, his lip started to tremble and he shook his head, feeling the few hot tears falling off his cheeks to the floor below.

“Oh, Nico.”

He wrapped his arms around himself and tucked his chin into his chest, his shoulders curving up as the deep pull of a sorrowful ache took up residence where his heart was. He felt Waverly’s hand slide up the arm of his suit before she gripped his shoulder gently.

“Come with me baby, there’s got to be a place we can sneak away into for a bit.” Nico nodded numbly and followed as Waverly led him farther down the hallway, peeking into the rooms as she went.

“This should work.” She opened a door fully and then pulled him into the room, closing the door behind them. 

Nico looked up and they were in a small chapel, this one decidedly western-leaning, crosses adorned the walls and the short double pews each had their own scattering of bibles. Normally he wouldn’t feel that comfortable in the same room but it was quiet and empty and he thanked Waverly’s instincts.

“Waverly, it was awful.” His knees let go and he thumped down into a pew, his head landing in his hands, forehead bumping against the pew in front of him. “Her family doesn’t even know I _exist_. I have siblings, Waves. I could have grown up with a younger brother, a younger sister. She never told her new husband about me, never told him she already had a kid. She doesn’t want them to ever know me. They’re my family and she doesn’t-”

His voice caught in his throat and he couldn’t stop the tears, his nose running as he cried harder, Waverly’s arm snugly around his shoulders.

“It ok, baby, let it out. I’ve got you.”

Nico blindly reached for Waverly’s hand and she gave it, threading their fingers together. She let him cry and he was lost in his tears for long minutes, the years of built up anguish breaking over him, each time he thought he had calmed, another lonely memory would push through the receding fog and he’d lose it all over again, his heart beyond raw and battered.

One of the things that had been the hardest for him to understand when he was little, and still frustrated him as an adult, was the notion that it didn’t matter how good a person you were, or tried to be, there was nothing about life that would be kind to you, just because. There was no reprieve from the shit side of things for every kind deed you did, no one shone brighter for their goodness, and life would smack you down if it felt like it. That it didn’t matter how hard you worked to treat every person with respect and good cheer; there was no reward for it. And reward was even the wrong word, more so that people wouldn’t give you the benefit of the doubt, even when you knew yourself, worked _so_ hard to prove yourself.

When he was young, it took him long years to reconcile that his mother’s leaving wasn’t his fault, that his burgeoning tiny thoughts about his own differences weren’t a siren to his mother, screaming of deviance. That her actions weren’t his burden to carry. That he hadn’t been marked by it in a way he couldn’t see.

He’d tried so hard to learn not to take her leaving personally, but now, the words she’d just spoken felt like napalm on an already open wound, one he’d never quite been able to let go of.

It hurt. Badly. And he was so, so tired.

At last he heaved a bleary sigh and stilled, his head pounding and face tacky with dried tears. He tried to reign in his thoughts but they wouldn’t listen, his body felt scrambled and electric, as if all his nerves were shooting off contradictory commands. 

“I don’t know if I can do this, Waverly. It’s so much.”

He could feel his body starting to shake, like he’d been plunged in a glacial river, though no tears followed; his teeth started to chatter as the muscles in his torso convulsed under his skin.

“What do you need, Nico?”

“I have- I have to get out of here.” Nico stood shakily on uncertain legs and stumbled toward the door of the chapel.

“Nico- wait.” Waverly approached him and gently slipped her hand into the jacket of his suit for his handkerchief. She reached for his face with it and wiped away the tears from his cheeks before placing the cloth in his palm. The smile she turned on him was sorrowful, but caring, and it made him want to start crying all over again.

“Thanks, Waves.” He blew his nose rather awkwardly into the cloth, his overworked sinuses making squelchy noises he frowned at, Waverly giving him a quirk of her lips.

“Of course, baby.” She brought their hands together. “I’m in this with you.”

Nico’s lip trembled, his emotions welling up again at an alarming rate and he just nodded, afraid if he opened his mouth he’d start crying again and he wasn’t sure he could stop this time. He blew out a shaky breath and squared his shoulders as best he could before opening the door a crack and checking if the coast was clear for an exit.

His grandfather’s wake was the only one going on in the funeral home, thankfully, so the hallway to the front door was empty of people, though Nico was stopped in his tracks by a voice coming from the closest now-closed door to the wake, the voice of what he had to assume was the celebrant, reciting the information his mother must have given her; he heard the listing of his grandfather’s military service and he stood taller just to hear the words.

“I’m glad she could at least do this right for him, have his story told, though it should be one of us speaking. He should have a true eulogy.”

Waverly squeezed his hand as he sighed and moved to head toward the door.

They stepped out into the oppressive heat and Nico felt his bones stubbornly holding on to the cold of the funeral home, his eye squinting against the sun. He pulled his aviators out and slipped them on, taking slow heavy steps toward the ‘Cuda. At least he had said goodbye to his grandfather before his mother had seen him, at least he had done right by the man that way, but each step he took farther away felt like a failure of his duty to truly see his grandfather off.

There was still the private family burial in the morning but he couldn’t think about it straight on yet, the ache of everything happening was still threatening to overwhelm him, though he dearly wanted to be there.

Nico tried to reassemble his brain as he unlocked the driver’s door of the car, his movements awkward and choppy.

“Baby?”

Nico looked up and met Waverly’s concerned eyes. “Hm?”

“Could I drive?”

Nico looked down and blinked at the key in his hand, realizing the question under the question and tossed the set to Waverly, who caught them deftly.

“Good idea, Waves. I probably shouldn’t drive right now.”

He walked around the car and threw himself into the passenger bucket seat, ignoring the searing temperature of the seat cover and leaned his head back against it, almost relishing the shock to his system. Waverly got in the car much more gingerly, carefully tucking her dress under her legs before she let her body touch the seat. She started the ‘Cuda up with a roar, the A/C pushing out jets of hot air before they slowly started to cool.

Waverly gave him a grin as she adjusted the seat and mirrors. “Never gotten to drive a souped-up muscle car before.”

She put her foot to the gas pedal and revved the engine a few times, throwing him a small cheeky smile and he couldn’t help but try to return it. Waverly was a balm he wanted to drown himself in, the one rock in the rushing river he was clinging to, though as gently as he could, he knew it was not on her to fix this for him, to take him away from it, but he knew he would be so much worse off without her beside him.

“Let me have your phone, baby, I’ll text Cutter and let him know we’re leaving.”

Nico nodded and fished the phone from his pants pocket, handing it over with little fuss. Waverly unlocked it with his code, found Cutter in his list of contacts and sent off a quick text. She rested it on her lap as she fiddled with the air conditioning controls, doing Nico the kindness of allowing him the silence to decompress.

“I would have forgiven her, you know?” he almost hadn’t meant to let the words slip out, but Waverly turned to him, brushing hair back from her forehead.

“She’s your mother, still, at the end of the day.”

He nodded absent-mindedly in agreement before his brows drew together and down, his mouth following. “I don’t know if I can hold that as true anymore, Waverly. I think I just have to accept at this point that I am the family I have left. She doesn’t want me to be a part of hers and I don’t know if I would want to hold a door open for her any longer, if this is who she is.”

Waverly regarded him for a few seconds before she nodded once. “That may be the honest conclusion you come to, but Nico, you’ll never be the only family you have. You’ll always have a place with us, and clearly Rafe and the crew would go to the ends of the Earth to keep you safe.”

Nico sighed at himself and knocked his head against the headrest. “I know, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I don’t, it’s just-”

“She’s your mother.”

“Yeah.”

The sound of motorcycles grew closer and then Cutter and Big Joe appeared, Cutter stepping off his bike to come to the driver’s window, Waverly lowering it so he could speak to them.

“Headed back to the clubhouse?”

Waverly looked at Nico for the answer and he nodded. “Yeah.”

Cutter picked up on the mood and gave a brisk nod. “Can do. Waverly, why don’t you follow us this time?”

She gave Cutter a thumbs-up and he nodded again. “Right then.”

The bikes roared to life and Waverly put the ‘Cuda in gear, following them out of the parking lot.

—

With no responsibility to pay attention, Nico withdrew into himself, slouching down into the seat, guiltily aware of his beautiful suit. He wanted to take it off, it felt constricting, but with the car in motion and everyone else involved, he battered down the feeling of being choked by it and conceded to tugging at his collar. Waverly drove on, humming quietly to herself as she maintained a safe distance behind the bikers.

The scenery passed but he barely paid it any mind, his brain wrapped around playing each moment of his interaction with his mother out in excruciatingly slow detail, each raise of her eyebrow, shake of her head, curl of her fingers into agitated fists. He knew there had been endless paths they had had in front of them, but each word they chose dissolved so many in turn, the one they had ended on like the roads of his youth, fading away and being reclaimed by the desert.

Nico was at a loss as to how to move forward. Saying he had to put aside any thought of a relationship with his mother was one thing, actually accepting it and knowing its truth was another.

He couldn’t find a way to focus, his heart torn with the thought that even though it had gone so badly, he’d still seen his mother again, after so many years spent wishing he could. She had even smelled the same, the gardenia lotion she had loved so much, the one they had both put on delicately after bath time when he was a child; he’d always fallen quickly asleep, comforted by the scent of her that would linger on his skin, warm and comfortable in his little trundle bed.

The memories that sifted up through the pain of their conversation somehow hurt even deeper, seeing the way she had held herself and spoken dredging up dozens of fragments of the time they had spent together, times when her face had been smiling instead of frowning, looking upon him with love and care. She had shown none of that earlier but his brain wouldn’t stop reminding him what had been before she left.

He could see clouds gathering ahead of them, the wide horizon dark and he laughed at himself in his head, as if his mood had called the storm into existence, the dark of his pain and grief stark against the usual bright blue sky.

Cutter and Big Joe had taken the back roads, avoiding the highway as it was coming on close to the start of rush hour and Nico was thankful for the slower pace. As much as he wanted to retreat into the clubhouse to smoke away how he felt, disappear into a cloud of herb and forget everything about the day, he knew that was only a temporary reprieve, the emotions only held at bay for as long as his high lasted and he didn’t want to feel the wall of pain return when he crashed back down to Earth.

He knew people had started benders for far lesser reasons, lost themselves in booze and flesh and drugs when they couldn’t find an answer, and hell, he’d done some of that himself, as he had told Waverly that day in the hammock, but he knew now that wasn’t an avenue he wanted to take now, even beyond the threat of how it would directly affect his relationship. He didn’t know what the solution was, but it wasn’t that. He had to feel his way through.

Nico glanced up again and saw the front had come closer, they were nearly driving straight into it, the wall of the storm stretching from the ground to the sky, buildings disappearing into the dark. It was approaching much faster than he anticipated and he took himself out of his thoughts long enough to glance at Cutter and Big Joe, realizing if the storm hit, they’d be out in the open on the bikes, completely at the mercy of the front. He checked out the windows, but they were the only ones on this section of road and Nico took the risk to reach over and give the horn a few quick blasts. 

“Nico, what are you doing?”

He pointed out the front. “If that storm hits us, the guys are gonna be toast on their bikes, they’ll have nowhere to run.”

Cutter had flicked his head back and Nico hit the horn again twice, watching as the two bikes signaled and started to slow, pulling toward the shoulder. Waverly followed suit and soon they were gathered off to the side of the road.

“Be back in a second.” Nico gave the best ghost of a smile he could to Waverly and opened the door to the car, the weather instantly different from what it had been when they’d climbed in. The wind was picking up and it swirled around him, dust and bits of dried grass carried past as he walked toward the two men, Cutter tugging down the bandana he’d pulled up across his face to minimize the effect of the debris as he greeted Nico.

“What’s up?”

Nico gestured toward the storm front. “Don’t want you guys to get caught in that because of us, why don’t you break off and make a run for the clubhouse, we’ll get there when we do, doubt Declan’s crew would be out in this either. No need for you to risk it, looks like it might get ugly.”

Cutter thought a second but then nodded. “Yeah, it’s gonna be a bad one. Don’t like leaving you without an escort, but would be shit to get caught in it. You come straight back, though, ok, or Rafe’ll have my ass.”

Nico nodded. “Will do.”

Cutter regarded him and then shrugged. “Ok. See you back there. Hope your lady’s ready for the weather.”

“We’ll be alright, promise.”

Cutter gave him a mock salute and pulled his bandana back up against the growing wind, Big Joe giving him a nod as well as they pulled away from the ‘Cuda, accelerating until they were flying down the road toward home.

Nico took a moment to stare at the oncoming storm, he knew he should think about getting them off the road too, but something about the energy of the front was playing with his inner turmoil and calling to him, the uncertain mood of it matching his own.

He turned back toward the ‘Cuda and could see Waverly watching him through the windshield, his suit jacket starting to whip around him as the wind picked up even more. He walked over to the driver’s side window and Waverly rolled it down with a questioning look.

“What’s the plan?”

Nico bent and rested his forearms on the edge of the door, leaning his head into the space of the window. “Well, that front is going to get serious in a few minutes, so it might be a good idea for me to take over, don’t know if you’ve ever experienced a haboob.”

Waverly snorted. “A ha-what?”

Nico couldn’t stop the curl of his lip, Waverly’s surprised mirth infectious. “A haboob. Damn big dust and thunderstorm.”

Waverly made an impressed face, before it turned cautious. “Should we get off the road?”

Nico shrugged. “Most pass pretty quickly, it’s only the really serious ones that you have to watch out for.”

“And is that a serious one?” She gestured to the dark sky, almost close enough that they could see the movement inside the wall of dust pushed before the front. 

“Won’t know until it gets here, but that isn’t a small one.”

Waverly’s brow furrowed. “We’ll be safe?”

Nico leaned in further through the window and gave Waverly a soft kiss. “I promise.”

Waverly huffed at an internal decision and then nodded once, carefully scooting over into the passenger seat, Nico opening the driver’s door and climbing in, readjusting the mirrors and seat back to their original places, freeing his knees from being pressed uncomfortably into the dash.

His thoughts were still lost within the interaction with his mother, but he worked to make himself present as he could as he clicked his seatbelt into place and put the ‘Cuda in gear, pulling off the shoulder and back onto the road.

Waverly was leaning forward in her seat, trying to keep the entirety of the front in her view as they raced toward each other across the valley floor, the long stretch of open road they were on allowing for an unobstructed view of the dark wall, the horizon obliterated from their sight.

Nico kept his eyes on it too, their inevitable meeting coming swiftly, the leading edge of the front plunging them into ever increasing darkness. The wind had only grown stronger and Nico held more tightly to the steering wheel, even the heavy ‘Cuda starting to be buffeted by the gusts.

Thankfully the roads weren’t packed and Nico worried less about other drivers, able to give his mental energy to only their own car and its path into the storm.

“Nico, are you sure about this?” Waverly’s voice was pitched higher as her anxiety bled through into her tone.

They were only a few miles from the front now, the yawning mass of boiling dust stretching endless stories into the sky.

Nico put his foot to the gas and heard the answering roar of the engine, his lips peeling back into almost a feral grin, his emotion drunk mind soaking up the crackling energy outside of the car.

“Yeah, baby, we’re gonna be juuuust fine.” He watched the speedometer climb as they came around a curve in the road onto a straightaway, the storm daring them to play chicken, the roiling deep slate grey clouds now visible beyond the angry wall of dust hurtling toward them.

Nico wanted to answer so badly, his foot nearly to the floor.

“Nico, Nico, slow down, ok, I’m not feeling so good about this.”

He glanced away from the rush of the storm and caught the panic in Waverly’s eyes, her hand braced against the door. Noticing where the needle was headed, he relented and relaxed his foot against the gas, the ‘Cuda’s rumble subsiding.

“Sorry, Waves.”

“I need us safe, Nico Haught, so no crazy Evel Knievel stunts, alright?” She leveled her eyes at him sternly.

“Alright.”

The storm was less than a mile away now and too tall for them to see its true scope; Nico glanced ahead, and seeing a major intersection, decided the safest path was to pull over now. He would normally make his way through the storm if alone, as he had so many times before, but Waverly was right, he needed to keep her safe too. He berated himself for getting lost again in his emotions and pointed the nose of the ‘Cuda toward an abandoned gas station and the parking lot next to it.

When he turned the car off they could hear the wind whistling, the body of the ‘Cuda starting to rock as the wall came hurtling at them. It was dark, way too dark for the time of day and Nico caught Waverly shivering out of the corner of his eye.

“It’s gonna be ok, baby, I promise. I’m a shithead, but we’ll be fine here.”

He’d pointed the car into the storm, the headlights growing dim as the first bit of the wall blew over them, the sound of the sand and debris starting to ping off the thick chrome of the ‘Cuda now a constant and Nico wanted to be out in it, being swirled around, blown somewhere where this wasn’t his life, where his mother had stayed, his father hadn’t been taken so quickly and where who he was bothered no one.

Nico could feel his legs starting to catch the crazed energy of the storm, his knee knocking into the steering column as he bounced them in agitation. He needed to be outside, be a part of something that screamed how alive it was, how unable to be defied, avoided, run from.

If he was part of the storm, he’d never have to feel this way again. The sand would bite away at his skin and bones until there was nothing left, every molecule of him racing away on the wind.

His suit started to feel even more constricting and he quickly undid the buttons of the jacket and vest, throwing them haphazardly into the back seat, the buttons at his wrists and the top of his shirt getting undone next, his eyes glued to the maelstrom enveloping them as he pushed his shirtsleeves past his elbows.

Without thinking, Nico threw open the door and stepped into the storm, Waverly’s surprised cry cut off as the wind whipped the door out of his hands and slammed it shut. He had to bend almost double to not be blown away, his eyes squinting at the sand being thrown into his face, his shirt rippling against his body.

He made his way to the front of the car, feeling punch-drunk on the intensity of the storm. He’d always loved storms, would be out in them as long as he could get away with, the electricity in the air always calling to him from a deep place somewhere within him that spoke of lifetimes he must have experienced but couldn’t reach; some deep way his soul continually searched out nature’s power.

The headlights barely made a dent in the storm now, a diffused yellow glow hovering at the bumper. Nico wouldn’t look in the car, couldn’t see Waverly, he needed too badly to throw himself into the dark; he turned to face the storm, taking a few staggering steps forward, the burn of the sand against his split cheek and exposed skin now only a secondary stimuli he barely paid attention to.

Nico took a few more steps further into the roar of the wind and lifted his head against it, his hair blowing wildly and he squinted into the storm. He raised his arms out, taking in as big a lungful of air as he could, and yelled at the top of his lungs.

“IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?”

He spit grit from his mouth and took in another deep breath, his whole body vibrating. He dug his new boots into the sand collecting against them and straightened his body into the storm.

“YOU WANT ME HURTING, WANT ME BEATEN?”

He coughed and spit again, shaking his head angrily back and forth, his hands curling into fists. A gust took him by surprise and he stutter-stepped to keep his balance, glaring into the wind when he’d planted his feet again.

“JUST TAKE ME THEN!”

Another gust bore down on him and he was pushed back, his feet almost leaving the ground and he was forced to take steps backward before he grunted and bent almost double to keep his position, his hair whipping into his face.

His breaths were coming in spit-flecked rapid bursts, his anger and helplessness in the face of the last few days of his life building into a growl held deep in his chest until he stood straight and unleashed it into the storm; his throat burning raw as he howled his emotions into the bedlam.

Nico yelled until his voice quit and he fell to his knees, chest heaving.

Nico couldn’t hear anything but the storm and the wind as he put his hands to his thighs and bent his head, the tears he didn’t realize he was crying tracking paths down his grit covered face.

Suddenly there were hands on his shoulders and he turned his head with a jolt and looked up to see Waverly, her dress getting whipped by the wind, her hair like an angry halo around her head, her face that of a defiant goddess, tinted by the broken light of the storm. He brought himself to his feet and faced her, his teeth bared as he sucked in air, brows pulled close to keep the sand from his eyes.

Waverly looked at him for long seconds before she clasped his hand, turned into the wind and debris and screamed at the top of her lungs, her hand tight and alive against his own. He took a deep breath and hollered a toneless sound of pain and frustration, Waverly drawing another deep breath before she yelled again, their cries quickly stolen away by the storm.

They yelled until they collapsed together against the hood of the ‘Cuda, Waverly seeking shelter against his chest, her face turned away from the worst of the wind. He kissed her head, her hair still wild around them and held her tightly to his body.

The whole world had disappeared around them, the frame of the pumps and station a distant memory behind them, lost to the storm even as close as they were. Nico tried to even his breathing and felt Waverly tug at him, her body turning in his arms as she felt around for the edge of the car, her eyes squeezed shut. He let her pull them along the outside of the car before they reached the passenger door and he leveraged it open during a lull in the gusts and flipped the seat forward, letting Waverly throw herself in the backseat before he followed in ungainly, the door blowing shut behind him.

It was suddenly much quieter with the car between them and the storm and they both sat there catching their breath, Nico wiping at his eyes with the palm of his hand and hissing when he brushed the now raw skin of his swollen cheek. Waverly attempted to collect her hair back into some semblance of normal but soon gave up, the red dust having turned it a few shades lighter and Nico reached over to brush some from her forehead, Waverly catching his hand as he pulled it away and tugging it into her lap, making Nico skootch closer to her across the bench seat.

“What am I going to do with you, Nico Haught?” Waverly sighed as she said the words, her head shaking slightly as she studied his hand in her lap, playing with his fingers.

“You’re brave and foolhardy and so tough but Nico, I need you _with_ me. I need you _here_, not blown away in a storm where I can’t follow.”

Waverly cleared her throat and looked at him, a purposeful glint in her eyes. “I know how I felt when I thought I was the only person left who could handle what I was going through, could see the pain of what life was doing to me; I stood alone for a long time too, Nico, with my daddy gone, momma gone, Willa gone, Wynonna gone. It was just me, or so I felt, against everything- the whole world. I know I was younger then, and this is different, I don’t mean to ever sound patronizing, but you’re not alone, Nico. Even if we’d never met and you were sitting in this car by yourself, you still wouldn’t be alone. You’ve touched too many people, Nico. Your heart is too big to be brought down by your mother, or Declan, or Red, or Shae- you are a singular human being the world needs in it, and I need you with me.”

She turned more toward him on the seat and huffed out another breath, settling herself. “We need to talk about all of this Nico, and I know that means Big Things with capital letters, but you mean too much to me to let any of this go.” She paused and tilted her head biting her lip as she did, a war clearly going on in her mind. He was too exhausted to pry and let her come to her decision, though it seemed to be swiftly made, for she started speaking again.

“Nico, I fought it for a bit, fought how I felt, tried to reduce and batter down and minimize what was happening, too scared by the past to trust what I was feeling; you blew into my life in a hail of sparks and blood and fire and I didn’t want to put much weight to something that seemed beyond what I could have imagined for myself, _who_ I could have imagined for myself. You are so very different from anyone I grew up with, flirted with, fell for. So undeniably not of my experience, and I wanted to make sure I was giving in to how you made me feel for the right reasons, but Nico, I’ve been silly, fighting so hard against something I wanted so deeply. All I could think of when Declan had that gun against your head was that you were going to die not knowing how much I love you too.”

Nico’s eyebrows shot to his hairline, his head snapping up to look at Waverly.

“You-”

“Nico, how could I not, when this is who you show me you are?”

Nico’s heart was hammering in his chest while he tried to truly take in what Waverly was saying. “You don’t have to, Waverly, I didn’t say what I did to force you-”

Waverly covered his mouth with a finger and gave him a small smile.

“Nico Haught, I’d be an idiot if I didn’t love you.” Her grin turned a little cheeky. “And I’m not an idiot.”

He shook his head against her finger, his heart doing leaps and triple-axels behind his ribs. Waverly moved her hand to cup his cheek, her gentle question mirroring his own from before, “Is that ok with you?”

Nico leaned into her hand and kissed her palm before he met her eyes again. “Waverly, nothing would make me happier than to know I make you happy too.”

“Can I kiss you?” Waverly’s eyes were bright but hesitant and his heart almost broke with the love he felt from her in that moment, still checking in to make sure he could handle what was going on. He nodded with a smile and Waverly shifted, one leg stretching to slide over his own and she slipped into his lap, her arms resting loosely on his shoulders. His hands immediately went to her thighs and touched bare skin, her dress having shifted up as she got herself comfortable and they both reacted to the unexpected sensation. Nico moved to lift his hands, but Waverly’s closed over them and she held his to her legs, sliding them just a little bit higher and he could feel the pull deep within his belly waking up.

Their eyes met and Waverly looked at him with trepidation but he smiled at the woman he loved and leaned forward, touching his lips gently to hers, his hands slowly gliding up and down the soft skin of her legs, Waverly’s arms winding around his neck as she pulled herself more fully into his lap and the kiss.

Nico didn’t know if it was the truth open now between them or the storm that enveloped them in their own pocket of the world but every touch of Waverly’s lips against his own was heightened, he could feel every caress of the hands she had clasped to the back of his head and carding through his hair as they moved together; the feel of the lace of Waverly’s dress against the back of his own hands as they brushed higher and higher up her thighs.

Their kisses were tender, gentle meetings of their lips at first, sweet kisses that drove thoughts of anything else but _Waverly _from his mind, her taste in his mouth when she teased the tip of her tongue against his, a slow dance of shifting bodies that had his head spinning.

Waverly went to tilt her hips and tuck her body closer to his, but pulled back with a hiss, her eyes darting to the lap she sat on. “Nico, are you hard?”

Nico knew his face was flushed and his brain hazy from their kisses but he blushed just the same. “I didn’t- not for this, I- I just wanted to feel the most like me today.”

Waverly nodded, her hips unconsciously continuing to twitch, Nico’s hands tightening on her thighs as the motion caused her to continually nudge against him. “That’s understandable.” She looked out the back and side windows, her eyes meeting his a little more unfocused than they had been.

“How long does one of these last?”

Nico’s hands slid higher under Waverly’s lace dress, his fingers grazing the edge of her underwear and Waverly let out a tiny sigh, the muscles under his fingers flexing.

“Got stuck in one once, lasted for three hours.”

Waverly’s hips jumped and her voice came out breathy. “That’s a chunk of time.”

Nico leaned forward to kiss and suckle at a spot on his love’s neck just below her ear that always made her mewl. “It really is.”

“So would you be ok if I did this?” Waverly reached for his belt buckle and tugged lightly, her voice thicker than it had been. Nico’s breath came quick as she tugged again, his cock being pulled with the motion and he nodded.

“Yeah I would be.”

Waverly kissed him then, slow and tender again as she undid the buckle and the button of his pants, Nico happy to let her, his hands wandering up her thighs and around the curve of her ass as she shifted to reach for the zipper, her lips never leaving his.

He sighed into her mouth when she reached into his pants and wrapped her hand around him through his briefs, the heat between them rising.

“I love how hard you get for me, Nico.”

He couldn’t help the moan that escaped at her words and the look she gave him from up underneath her lashes, his whole body feeling the rush of heat in her eyes.

“Baby, how could I not, I mean it when I say you make me feel so desired, it makes my head spin.”

“Need these gone.” She helped him wriggle out of his suit pants, the expensive, beautiful material pooling around his ankles, quickly followed by the cotton of his black briefs, his cock now freed and tall between them.

Waverly started to stroke him, his breaths turning to small pants as he watched her hand glide up and down the length of him.

“I’ve never felt as deeply for someone else as I do you, Nico, never _wanted_ someone so damn much. Chrissy might have dared me to give you a try, but the shudder I felt run through you the first time I touched you woke up something electric in me not even the energy in the fight I’d just had could touch. I wanted to see if you would always shudder that way when I touched you, the different ways I could try to see would make you shiver and twitch; Nico, how I love you is so wrapped up in how I want you that it almost felt too powerful. But with how you’re looking at me now, your entire world shrunk to right,” she grasped his cock and tugged as he gasped, “here, the power and trust that gives me, hell, I don’t think I can give that up.”

Nico’s eyebrows were slowly climbing his forehead as he lost himself in the sensation of her hands on him, his overwhelmed neurons pumping dopamine into his system at an alarming rate.

Waverly’s words mixed with her actions had him throbbing, his mouth slightly open as he listened in tense disbelief.

“And then there’s how you show me you want me. So confident in how you know you can make me feel good, get me to melt under your touch, no one has ever made me feel both so safe and so desired. How you look at me when you’re taking me, the hunger in your eyes and the cocky curl to your lip; every time it makes me come just that little bit harder.”

“Fuck, Waverly.” Nico was truly panting now, his abs twitching and jumping as she continued to stroke him closer and closer to his own rapidly approaching orgasm.

“That was kinda the idea.” Waverly released his cock and Nico groaned, his hips chasing after her hands and she chuckled.

“Waves, you might kill me before I even get a chance to think about asking you to marry me.”

Waverly chuckled louder and then winked saucily at him. “I’ll risk it.”

“Then let me get my hands on you too.” He ran his fingers back to the edge of her underwear, the silky material soft against the pads, and pulled at them. Waverly helped him remove them completely, the scrap of material being tossed somewhere toward the front seats.

Nico’s fingers dipped between her legs and into sweet heat, her skin already slick and his fingertips slipped easily around the hooded bud of her clitoris, Waverly moving her hips with his motions, her hands coming up to grab his shoulders as she moaned.

“Always so wet for me, Waves. Every time I touch you, you’re so ready for me, your body so _eager_ for me. Can’t tell you how hot that is, watching your muscles twitch as I slide through all that wetness; hands, my tongue or my cock, you draw me in all the same, so willing to give of yourself.” He continued to tease her, stroking along her labia and then back up to her clit, his favorite organ throbbing in time with Waverly’s pounding heart rate.

“Your body calls to me, baby, to worship and to conquer, it’s too strong to be ignored.” He gently entered her with two fingers, Waverly’s hands gripping tight to his shoulders as her head tipped back and a grunt of pleasure left her mouth.

“Mmf, yes, Nico. Feel how hot I am for you, the warmth and wet, the strength,” she squeezed his fingers with her pelvic muscles and his hips leapt.

‘I need- oh fuck.” Waverly started squeezing his fingers rhythmically and his cock was throbbing in the open air, desperate to be buried inside her instead. He needed to be closer, to be joined with Waverly. He wanted to be pressed together, a tangible confluence, needed that kind of touch.

“Wave, I need to be inside you, need to feel you.”

Waverly nodded, a little lost in the small circles the thumb of his other hand had started against her clit, his fingers spread against her belly while he moved in her, her hips meeting his thrusts.

“Need that too, Nico.”

She let a small sad sigh out when he removed his fingers from her pussy, which swiftly changed to a groan as he brought them to his mouth and sucked them clean, his eyes closing in happiness. There really was no match to the way Waverly tasted, so undeniably _her_ and he craved it, deep down to his bones.

“Fuck you taste good, baby. I could spend all day making you come with my mouth just to get to drink you up.”

Waverly shivered and reached for his cock again, “You’d better take advantage of all future opportunities then.”

Nico snickered softly. “Oh I’ll create them, don’t worry.”

Waverly raised herself up on her knees and hovered above his cock, their eyes meeting as she slowly lowered herself and took him inside of her, both of them moaning at how good it felt. Nico’s hands were full of the curves of Waverly’s ass and he squeezed as she bottomed out, her hips resting against his own.

His love kept his eyes with a shudder, both of their focuses glued to the feeling of their meeting.

“Fuck, Nico.”

“I know, Waves.”

He leaned forward and kissed Waverly, threading one hand through her hair as he rolled his hips upward, the stifled gasp against his mouth making his flesh throb.

They moved together slowly, each slide of skin causing shudders and sharp breaths from both of them; they couldn’t look away from each other, too lost in the pleasure building steadily between them.

Nico’s brain was near silent for the first time in days, the only thought repeated how much he loved the woman in his arms, how deep he felt for her.

It didn’t matter the storm continued to rage outside of the ‘Cuda, or that they were mostly still dressed in the backseat, every touch between them was tender and revealing, he trembled with the openness of the woman before him and the vulnerability she showed him; he was unhurried in getting to his orgasm, the love between them so much more important.

Nico lost himself in the feeling of what they were building together, the thin sheen of sweat on Waverly’s lip sparkling somehow in the strange light of the storm, her eyes on his as they moved in synch, the rise and fall of their hips slowly gaining speed, whispered words of love and adoration spoken against each other’s lips as the heat between them grew.

He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing at attention, his entire system unraveling what he’d held so tight to in the face of Waverly’s ministrations. Her mouth burned a hot line up his neck and he reveled in it, his hands on her hips helping the rise and fall of her body as they drove themselves together, the wet sounds between them mixing with their moans and hitched breaths.

When Waverly reached her peak it was with a soft cry and a baring of her throat as her eyes broke away from his and her head tilted backward; he chased the sound with his hips, falling off the edge right behind her, his mouth panting against the crook of her neck. Their legs trembled against each other’s as they held each other tight; Nico could feel Waverly’s heartbeat pounding against his chest even through his shirt and knew she could probably feel his too.

He leaned back against the seat and met his girlfriend’s eyes.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Waverly cradled his face in her hands and kissed him sweetly as a much stronger gust of wind rocked the car. They both looked up and out the windows at the swirls of dust and debris pummeling the vehicle.

Nico helped Waverly off his lap, her legs still trembling, and she landed next to him with an ‘oof’. He tugged his briefs up and tucked himself back into them, letting out a long sigh as he relaxed back into the seat.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes, both attempting to calm the thudding heartbeats under their skin. They stayed in contact, even as they took their own moments. Nico watched Waverly with interest, the haze of his orgasm past him enough that he remembered what Waverly had proposed before she’d dropped that heart-exploding sentence on him.

“So. Big talk now?”

Waverly pushed sweaty hair away from her forehead and blew out a breath, smoothing the jumbled material of her skirt as she gave thought to his question.

“Might as well, if we’re going to be stuck here for a bit. Both can’t avoid it,” she joked.

Nico scooted backward and leaned against the window, shucking his pants up but leaving them unzipped just so he could maneuver, Waverly folding her legs and facing him across the backseat.

“So how d’you want to start this?”

“What about what Declan said got under your skin so much?”

Nico let out a surprised laugh. “Wow Waves, starting with the haymaker, eh?”

Waverly shrugged. “I almost lost you over what he said, you nearly _died_\- so yeah, biggest question first.”

Nico took in a big breath. “Ok. Fair enough. And I suppose you should know all my biggest weaknesses while you still have a chance to go running for the hills.”

He shifted awkwardly, giving Waverly the answer to her question was opening a door he had made sure to weld shut after Shea, never thinking he’d be where he was, terribly in love with a beautiful woman he was really starting to see as a permanent part of his life. Didn’t matter though, Declan’s threats had taken a crowbar to the edges and if he was going to be good enough for Waverly, he’d have to be honest about all his faults. Maybe they should have done all this before saying what they’d said, but alas. He swallowed and started speaking.

“The night I knew my marriage was over, Shea said some pretty incredibly cruel things, things that hurt unbearably because, at the end of the day, they had a lot of truth to them I couldn’t avoid. There are…drawbacks to being me, Waverly. There are things I cannot do, no matter how much I would want to desperately do them, provide them, be the solution for. She shamed me really hard for it and it hurt because she was right.”

Waverly tilted her head and gestured for him to continue, though her eyes showed concern.

Nico cleared his throat. _Here goes. _

“No matter how much I would want to, how absolutely deeply I would feel about it, I- I can’t ever make a family with you, Waverly. Or anyone.”

“What do you mean, of course you could.”

“Not in the way half this bumbling population of this planet can. The way that matters. I can’t give you or anyone what millions of other people could, accidentally. I can’t create life, Waverly. I’m a genetic dead end. Shae tried to talk me into a threesome once, toward the end, when she thought maybe trying for a baby would fix us, like watching a stranger who looked like me impregnate my wife while I laid nearby would ever be something I’d enjoy. Watching her take and be given pleasure, a life, a baby, by some _man_ while I what, sat there? It would have been the worst torture I could think of. It’s enough that there are days I wake up and hate how I have to ask you to pretend with me.”

“Pretend, Nico?”

He snorted inelegantly and roughly grabbed his cock through the open fly of his suit pants.

“Yeah, pretend. My life relies on silicone to be whole. My packer, my cock. You have to play pretend with me, every time we fuck, every time you touch me,” he tugged on himself, his voice going thick with derision, lips in a snarl. “It’s not real, hell, it’s not even the best representation of what it’s supposed to be because I have to rely on a damn _sex toy company_ to feel whole. Unless somehow I’d get a few thousand dollars together to buy one of the crazy prosthetics out there, but even then, it’s fake. I didn’t lose an arm, or a leg, I’m playing pretend. For every lesbian who cracks jokes about the annoyance of the TSA going through her sex toy collection before a flight there’s a trans guy sweating and panicking they’ll get yanked by security and stripped down for the same damn item. Science will never find a way around this because science is hetero as fuck and could give a shit about the anguish I feel knowing that it doesn’t matter how long I live, my body will never look or perform the way I want it to, the way I’ve always _needed _it to.”

He took a big breath.

“Declan threatening to take you like that broke it all the way back down again, that just for a second I let myself think he was right. He could so easily provide what I can’t, fucking amoral piece of shit that he is, even he could provide for you in a way I _never _will be able to. And it’s not about what you actually want or needed in the moment, I highly fucking doubt you’d take anything from Declan, it’s knowing that even a shit like him can threaten something I have no defense for. I don’t, Waverly. I can’t, and never will, be able to do that for you. Ever.”

He couldn’t meet her eyes but he choked out the next bit, his eyebrows furrowed.

“What happens when you tell me that’s something you want? Do I lose, again, for something I can’t fix? For a twinge of genetic code that popped me out this way? It’s a failure I have no recompense for, can make no amends.”

The wind was loud in the silence that followed and Nico felt himself start to shiver again, his darkest card on the table.

“That’s…quite a thing, Nico.” Waverly readjusted the skirt of her dress for something to do while she processed what he’d said.

“Welcome to the innermost mind of a vulnerable trans dude.”

“Shea really was a shit, wasn’t she?”

Nico snorted at that. “You could say that, yeah.”

“So you’re telling me on any given day when we’ve been…intimate, you’re thinking I’m just playing dress up with you?”

“No, Waves, not exactly? It’s, look, it’s hard to explain and I know it makes me feel a bit like an asshole and honestly, I’ve _never_ said this aloud before because, well, it’s easy enough, and society would totally support you, to destroy me over it, but there’s a deep and primal calling that I can’t truly answer when it comes to sex, no matter how hard I want to. And maybe it’s stupid, but I can’t help that my brain tells me it’s important. I wasn’t joking when I said your body calls me to claim it, to own it, to stake my possession and I know that sounds gross, but I can’t think of a better way to describe it. Maybe it’s the testosterone, maybe it’s the human brain calling back to some long lost mercurial time before we had language and societies and everything else- some baser instinct still left around, but the fact that I can’t come in you, on you, mark you as mine- my brain tells me I’m failing, I’m not fulfilling my duty. It’s so stupid. When we’re together, I spend so much time trying to hold the present in my mind, ignore that tendril of brain-thought that shouts I’m a failure. And I know it’s archaic and bestial sounding, but brains are assholes.”

“Wow.” Waverly’s face was impassive.

“Annnnd there I went fucking up everything, right? Fuck.” Nico put his hands to his face, too embarrassed and feeling way too stripped bare to look Waverly in the eyes.

“Are you ever in the moment? Or five minutes ago were you warring against all this?”

Nico thought.

“No, I was with you now. It doesn’t happen all the time, and not for every second, sometimes I’m with you so thoroughly it’s like my soul’s on fire when we fuck, but that…tiny voice that wants to know what your mouth would actually feel like around my cock when I come, or what your pussy actually feels like when I’m buried inside you to the hilt and you’re spasming around me, it’s never far away, often doesn’t stop telling me the things I’ll never know. Things that a shithead like Champ Hardy I highly doubt treasures, but can do without thinking about, is rewarded for chasing after. It doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy what happens between us- you still make me come harder than anyone ever has and damn, Waverly, but that is an incredible experience all its own, but my brain still tells me it isn’t enough, I’m not enough, and I won’t ever be. That I’ll never be a _real boy_. Which is a joke, because most of the time I fucking hate the company I’m lumped into. Do you know what it’s like to realize that in order to be your true self, you have to take on the face of a person you never wanted to be? A type of human you generally have little respect or regard for and even less use? And maybe that makes me an asshole too, but I didn’t want privilege, I hate when people hand it to me because of this mug they see, assume I’m a way I never could be, was never trained to be, never wanted to be. Sure, I feel the most me like this, but to be ‘A Man’? Fuck, I don’t want it- the societal shit, the assumptions, the blatant disregard for what toxic bullshit does to everyone else? Why on Earth would I want to be a part of that? But becoming it was the only way to look at myself in the mirror and not want to walk in front of the nearest bus. So yeah, sometimes I’m balancing how my body’s telling me to take you with my own thoughts fighting how gross and possessive and shitty it is that that’s what I’m thinking, wanting. Because yeah, sometimes when we’re fucking I do want to pull my cock out and just paint you, watch my come drip off you. But that’s not the world I live in now, and it never will be. Stuck between primordial ooze and my rational brain. I don’t always know how to reconcile the two, especially if we’re in the middle of something that feels so damn _good._”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, here’s the part where I shut the fuck up, right? And you run away? Wouldn’t blame you, I don’t like it in here any more than I expect you like hearing about it.” He tapped the side of his head.

“Just give me a second, Nico, hell.”

“Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, that’s just a bit to process, you know? A lot of things I’ve never had to think about.”

Waverly was looking at him, he could feel it, her eyes on the side of his face, but he was too scared to meet her eyes, the cold sweat beading on his skin even against the stifling nature of the car, still heavy with their mixed scents. He’d never let anyone know what his brain did when it went down those roads, he’d always buried how he felt, not knowing how to solve any of it, stuck in a cyclical rope-a-dope with his feelings and needs. He’d wanted to be that vulnerable with Shea, though now he felt he’d made the better decision to keep his mouth shut, she’d been cruel enough without knowing the fears he harbored in the deepest of his psyche.

“Nico?”

“Hm?” he replied without turning his head, the whipping dust outside the window somehow suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

“Can you please look at me?”

Nico swallowed against the pounding of his heart in his throat and slowly shifted his focus back to Waverly, dreading what he’d find across her face.

There was little to discern, her face almost blank, though not unkind. It did no favors to his anxiety though, and he could feel the dread dripping down his spine, the back of his shirt near instantly drenched with sweat beyond what their coupling had created.

“Can I have your hand?”

Nico reached his left and closest one out to Waverly, he cursed its tremble but he couldn’t stop it. He wanted to scream when Waverly took his hand in her own, the soft warm skin he cherished to be touched by in any other situation; the seeming kindness now felt like a trap, a gesture he shouldn’t trust when he didn’t know yet what his outburst had wrought between them.

“Is this ok?” Waverly was stroking the back of his hand with her thumb, around and over the scar he carried from an early idiotic motorcycle mishap where the clutch lever had dug into his skin, leaving a thick white stripe that had never really faded.

“I-I don’t know, Waves. I gotta admit I’m terrified of what you’re going to say.”

“Nico, if I was going to start yelling, I think you’d know; it was the first thing you ever saw me doing.”

He inclined his head in agreement. “That…is true.”

“What do you think I am thinking?”

“No goddamn clue. You have my heart, Waverly, in your hands. I’ve never let anyone in this far, ever. Ev-er. So, I’m scared as hell, because if the person I’ve found that’s more amazing than anyone I’ve ever met goes the same way as everyone else, well, I don’t know where I’ll end up. Which isn’t to say don’t be honest with me, though I doubt you’d lie to save my feelings, just, your words carry weight for me. A lot of weight. And that’s scary as fuck.”

“I can feel your heartbeat through your hand, its thumping like crazy.” Her fingers brushed the pulse point at his wrist.

“Well, yeah, like I said, terrified.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Mm, yeah.”

“Do you think I’m not scared of what family means?”

“Waves, I-“

“Nico, I’m an orphan who was raised by my aunt while the only sister I had left got thrown in the looney bin and then shipped herself off to Greece. The idea of building my own family _terrifies_ me. I want it so bad, I’ve always wanted it so bad; a family was the ultimate safety fantasy, a place I could be surrounded by people who would never hurt me and would always love me, be there for me. Champ and I actually had a scare, once, when we were first dating. I wasn’t on birth control yet and the condom broke and I panicked because I knew deep down he would never give me the kind of family I craved and I was way too young to take care of anyone else. Thankfully nothing happened, but Nico, I was so afraid from then on that something would go wrong and my decisions about how I wanted to have a family would be taken away from me. I was obsessive about making sure I never missed a dose, it consumed a lot of my thoughts for months after that, so afraid every time Champ and I were together that I was risking everything. That fear never really went away; I just put it in a box when I could.”

Waverly paused and took a shaky breath. “I don’t know how you’re going to take this, but you wanted my honesty- the fact that I _don’t _have to worry about that with you takes such an incredible load off my shoulders. I can’t say I haven’t idly thought what a mini you would look like for a minute, but if, _if, _that was something we even got far enough along in a relationship to even _think_ about discussing, the fact that it could be when and how I or we wanted, Nico, that’s such an incredible relief I can _rely_ on. I know you have some deep feelings about your body and I will never invalidate them, but for me, the fact that we can’t accidentally be in a situation we’re not ready for is a benefit. In a way because I feel safe, I can let go so much more. I want a family of my own more than anything, but when I want it, on my terms.”

“Waves.” He could feel his throat growing thick with how her words made him feel, what she’d revealed.

“I see you as you, Nico. I want those things for you because you want them, but I don’t ever see or feel some kind of lack with you because they’re “not there”. I love the you, you are; every side. I feel like I just get more of you, more ways to enjoy you. And you know exactly how it feels to have my lips wrapped around you when you come, pretty sure I’d know,” she braved a small wink at him and he was so confused and slightly relieved and still really confused.

Nico realized his mouth was open and closed it with a small clack, his eyebrows still not quite back from the stratosphere.

“I- don’t, Waverly, I- I don’t know how to fix any of what I’ve felt, Waves, and its burned me up for a long, long time; probably something I should sit down with a therapist over, really, because you’re making me realize that I’ve kept it inside my head for way too long. I’m sorry you had to experience being so scared before, and you’ve definitely given me a different way to look at things.” He shook his head ruefully. “I think I let Shea’s words that night get under my skin so far, I figured all cis women would eventually throw me over because of it. My first major relationship, my ex absolutely destroyed my sense of self, and then I thought Shae would be different and then it was the same, I internalized so hard that it had to be my fault. But it’s, I don’t know, Waverly, it’s _something_ that you would say that.”

He turned his hand around in hers so their palms were touching and spelled out ‘I love you’ in her palm. “Is that still ok with you?”

“Yes, Nico, that’s still ok with me.” She squeezed his hand. “And you’re right, we should probably all go to therapy, really, though we both know Wynonna may have to be bribed. With the Clootie money we have, we can pay for a good private therapist, though with all our combined issues we may not want to give just one person all of us to deal with. They’d have to get their own therapist to process whatever they’ve heard.”

Nico couldn’t help his chuckle. He didn’t know how Waverly did it, had all the knots in his stomach untying, his muscles relaxing. He didn’t want to dare to think they were complementary enough that this had to work, but maybe he really was that lucky.

—

They talked for a long time after that, deep into what their true actual hopes and desires for their futures were; Nico had never been so open with another human being and his heart had cracked wide to be shared with the way Waverly was choosing to, even about the tough things that made them both speak haltingly. Every dream and piece of information Waverly shared with him felt precious, and he held it in mind gently, carefully; filing them away in the giant silo he had dedicated to all things relating to his girlfriend. He felt beyond ecstatic that she hadn’t turned away from him.

The back seat wasn’t the most comfortable place, but they made it theirs, Waverly’s legs stretched out across Nico’s lap, his own through the break in the front seats and draped across the center console. Waverly had lost both her shoes and Nico had taken each of her feet in turn and massaged them while they talked, the physical action keeping him grounded. Waverly for her part had tried to keep the groaning in delight to a minimum, to not distract from their often serious choice of topic.

The haboob was finally starting to wind itself down, though neither of them was remotely interested in reaching for a phone to see how long they’d been in their little ‘Cuda cocoon. Nico felt like any sudden movements would break the spell they’d been wrapped up in and he wanted to hold onto the magical space as long as he could. He was heart-happy even through his grief and pain, he hadn’t forgotten the interaction with his mother, or seeing his grandfather so still and quiet; he just balanced those feelings against the love and security Waverly was offering him. He felt more secure after their talk, knowing he was beyond fortunate that Waverly had not turned away from him, had let him show her his darkest corners and had still chosen to stay. It felt unreal and his brain told him he couldn’t trust it, but he knew he was going to consciously work to let go of that feeling; he couldn’t spend more energy holding walls up Waverly hadn’t been the reason to build.

Nico stretched and glanced out the windows, his spine cracking and he grunted. “We should be able to get along on the road again soon. Are you hungry?”

Waverly nodded. “I wasn’t until you asked, but yes, I’m starving. Breakfast was a long time ago.” Her sentence broke off into a yawn at the end and she made a scrunched up face as her mouth opened wide, one hand coming up to cover it. “And a nap. I think a nap is in order.”

Nico nodded. “I second the nap.”

He crawled into the front seat and turned the ignition of the ‘Cuda, refraining from using the windshield wipers to push the drift of sand off the windshield so he could see better but flipped the A/C up; the cooling jets of air felt amazing on his overheated skin. The sky was still orange tinged, but he could see much farther than they’d been able to for a good while, the gas station behind them visible again, the intersection beyond them almost real through the end of the haze. Waverly joined him in the front, her shoes getting tossed ahead before she stepped through the break in the seats with her dress hiked.

“Wow, Waves, flashing some skin, eh?”

“What?” She flopped into the seat and rearranged her dress, wiggling her toes under the dashboard vents. Nico just pointed at the scrap of her underwear hanging from the rearview mirror and gave her a cheeky smile.

“Thanks for the view.”

“Best view you’re gonna get, Haught stuff.”

“Damn right.” He chuckled. “I think I’m going to keep those hanging up there, gives the car a certain…something, don’t you think?”

“If by something you mean absolute class, then yes. Those are my best pair.”

Nico chuckled and batted at the fabric, the skimpy black cloth swinging on the edge of the mirror.

Waverly turned to him, much more serious. “You know this isn’t the only conversation I want to have like this, right Nico? I’m going to need this level of honesty and communication from you, always. Even if it’s scary, even if you think I won’t like it; Nico you make me dream big dreams but if it gets to be too much, if you find…this isn’t what you want anymore, tell me. Be honest with me, do the hard thing.”

“Waves, I couldn’t imagine that happening, but I will, as long as you’re that honest with me too. I only want to be good for your life, to you. As much as I want to spend all my time doing terribly dirty things to you, I want to be where you go to feel safe, be worthy of being called the person you might see home in, sometime in the future, if that’s where you find yourself.” He pushed wayward hair from his forehead, a few strands sticking to his sweaty skin.

“Ok, so, honesty, from here on out. Any other crazed xenophobic friends I should worry about?”

Nico laughed. “No, Declan thankfully is the only one on that list.”

Waverly nodded resolutely. “Good. I’d like to avoid any repeats of last night.”

Nico thumped his head back against the seat and closed his eye. “Holy shit has it been a long day.”

He felt Waverly’s hand against his chest, playing with the open collar of his shirt. Her hand slid across to rest above his heart and her mouth was suddenly close to his ear, her lips brushing the shell.

“I love you, let’s get out of here.”

—

The ride back to the compound had progressed without incident, Waverly being as adorable as ever and curling up in the front seat, her eyes drifting lower and lower the closer they got. By the time he had pulled the ‘Cuda next to the clubhouse and shut the engine off, her head was pillowed against the seat and she was breathing soft puffs against the window. Nico was loathe to wake her, so he got out of the car as quietly as possible and moved to the passenger side, carefully opening the door and releasing Waverly’s seatbelt before he slid his hands under her body and picked her up, cradling his sleeping love to his chest.

He bumped the door to the ‘Cuda closed with his hip and made his way to the clubhouse door, Big Joe grinning and holding it open for him as he ducked through sideways as to not bonk Waverly’s head on the jam. The ribald discussion going on in the main room died down as soon as he entered, the crew immediately noticing their sleeping guest and all grinned and nodded at Nico as he passed, most of them with soft expressions on their faces they’d never own up to.

Nico carried Waverly into their room, gently laying her down on the bed, his heart near bursting when she sleepily tried to nuzzle further into his neck, her hands twining in his shirt. He disentangled himself with a smile and stepped away from the bed, looking for the long sleep shirt Waverly had brought with her.

Acquiring it, he moved back to the bed and helped his exceptionally sleepy girlfriend out of her dress and bra and into the shirt, tucking her under the covers, Waverly relaxing with a sigh as she snuggled into the pillow and fell deeply asleep.

Nico undressed more slowly, taking off and hanging up his hastily re-thrown-on vest and jacket and rolling his eyes at his messy suit pants. They’d have to be dealt with if he was going to try for attending the burial service in the morning, but for now he couldn’t think much about it, his muscles were beginning to feel like molasses, the long hours and rollercoaster of emotions of the day had wiped him completely. He hopped in the shower and let the warm water run over his body, soothing the aches he still carried from the night before. He knew a lot had shifted in his relationship with Waverly that afternoon, they truly had bared their souls to each other in a way they hadn’t thus far and he felt proud of himself, in a way, that he had been able to let go of some of the locks he had always kept himself under and voiced his innermost vulnerabilities. He still didn’t know what the answer was, but knowing he wasn’t going to have to figure it out alone meant everything.

After a quick towel off, he threw on a soft pair of boxers and collapsed into bed beside Waverly, the brunette instantly reaching out to him in her sleep and he allowed himself to be drawn closer, Waverly’s head ending up nestled into his chest and he closed his eyes, breathing in the sweet smell of her hair as he drifted off.

—

Nico blinked both eyes open much later that evening, the space beside him in bed empty and cool. He rolled over, taking in and adjusting to being able to see the whole world again and stretched, the series of pops that followed always pleasurable. He scratched at his scalp and sat up, not seeing Waverly. He listened to the sounds of the clubhouse outside his door but heard nothing, so he shuffled to the bathroom and relieved himself, throwing on a pair of shorts and a tee before he made his way into the hallway.

The building was quite still and he looked for the time, finding the Budweiser clock over the clubhouse bar still in order, the evening a lot more developed than he expected, it was almost midnight. He had no idea where Waverly had gotten to, but he wasn’t worried, the crew was so in love with her, they’d easily ignore a Presidential order if it inconvenienced a hair on her cute head.

He took a step out the side door toward the picnic tables, bypassing the group under the awning to sit on the one at the end of the building so he could see the stars, deciding to stretch out along the surface as he pulled a joint from his ear and lit it, taking a deep inhale.

Nico loved evenings like this, when the ‘hood was quiet but for a few far away howling coyotes, their focus on the sky above as well. He could breathe when the night was this still, when the stars seemed even closer somehow. He used to drive out into the middle of nowhere at night when he needed to think, letting the vault of the sky above him help soothe the frustrations inside. The reminder of how small a cog he was helped, sometimes, when his brain was too noisy to be reliable.

The stars were obscured as he breathed out, the smoke dissipating quickly and he let the fog of the herb settle over him. He’d gone through so much since he’d arrived, seeing Marcos and the business with Declan, saying goodbye to his grandfather and weathering his mother’s ire; he was a little surprised to find himself still standing, though he knew he owed a lot of that to the support Waverly had offered him, at each moment finding some way to keep him grounded and away from the impulse to let the tide of his feelings drown him completely. 

He smoked and thought about the upcoming day, he knew it would take a long time to break down what had happened this trip, but there was still the burial in the morning and that pulled his focus. He was pretty sure that he would go, if he could get his suit back in decent shape, even if it was to stand on the periphery. His mother might be able to keep him from some things, but she’d need a small army to stop him from paying his respects.

“Penny for your thoughts, handsome.”

Nico sat up and exhaled, offering the lit joint to his girlfriend, who took it and sat down next to him on the table top, now in cutoff shorts and a tank. Waverly took a hit and passed it back, Nico watching the line of her throat as she tipped her head back to exhale.

“Thinking about crashing the burial tomorrow.”

“I approve.” She leaned her head on his shoulder and kicked her feet out, her flip flops hitting the ground as she folded her legs in front of her.

“How long have you been up?”

“Few hours, sent Spike off to the 24 hour dry-cleaners with your suit and my dress, he should be back soon. Figured they might come in handy.”

“Waves, you’re starting to know me too well.”

Waverly shrugged and took the joint back from him, her cheeks hollowing as she inhaled. Nico watched her, the floodlight on the side of the garage on the other side of the lot giving her almost a halo, the light radiating from behind her and he felt it quite apt.

“I know you’re going to do the hard, uncomfortable things.”

“It’s a lot easier with you by my side.”

Nico nudged her with his shoulder and she grinned, his heart skipping a beat for not the first and not the last time, the Waverly Earp special melting him from the inside out.

“So what time is the burial?”

“Ten. Always have to do it before it gets too hot out and all the old folks attending start falling like dominoes.”

Waverly snorted. “That’s not nice.”

“But it’s true! We’re some of the youngest people in this area, with Sun City right across the river,” he pointed his chin past the rear chain link fence that abutted the Agua Fria beyond. “Can’t have all your mourners dropping on their own, sends an awful message. Especially when you have the mortuary staff there, trying to rouse them.”

Waverly started to chuckle, “That’s terrible, Nico.”

“Life in AZ, my love.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Maybe, but I’m being honest. One summer nearly a whole funeral passed out because of the heat, looked like someone had taken out a fleet of penguins.”

Waverly clapped her hand over her mouth as she laughed louder. “Oh, I shouldn’t be laughing, those poor people!”

Nico snickered good-naturedly. “They were fine, just needed shade and some water.”

Their moment was interrupted by the purr of a motorcycle and Spike zipped into view, much more casual when he came to drop off the suit to them, though he pinked extensively when Waverly thanked him for running the errand and nearly tripped over his own feet when he backed away.

“I think he likes you.”

Waverly swatted at him and he laughed.

Nico stood and stretched, scratching at his belly and hooked a finger in the hangars of their clothes. “Shall we away for the evening, Lady Earp? We already know tomorrow’s going to be a fucked day, so no reason to keep it waiting.”

He held out a bent arm and Waverly slipped hers through. “Yes, let us retire to our chambers, Sir Haught, I have some cuddling I need to do.”

“As you wish.”

—

The dawn came quickly, both Waverly and Nico rising quietly, each taking their showers and getting dressed, Nico realizing his stomach was far more settled now that he knew the score of what he was walking into.

When he was finishing buttoning his vest there was a quick rap at the door, Nico opening it to find Cutter and Rafe standing there.

“What’s up, guys?”

Rafe cleared his throat. “You have a minute?”

Nico raised an eyebrow but nodded, Waverly coming up behind him.

“Morning Rafe, Cutter.”

“Morning, Miss Waverly.” Cutter responded while Rafe nodded.

“There’s something out in the yard the fellas wanted to show you, Nico, before you go.”

Nico shrugged, “Sure, just let me get some shoes on.”

—

He squinted as he stepped outside, a group of the crew standing excitedly in front of something, but he couldn’t tell what. The four of them stepped closer to the group and Rafe turned, gesturing to the club members.

“So, ever since you called and said that your gramps had died, the crew decided to take on a new project when we had a few minutes and it took a lot of bargaining to get our hands on some of the things we needed, but we wanted to have this done for today, so you could get where you’re going in style, if you wanted.”

The crew separated with a few shuffling steps and then what they’d been hiding came into view, the tears immediately springing to Nico’s eyes.

“Guys, you didn’t.”

Rafe grinned while half the crew blushed. Nico dived into the group, hugging them each in turn, before he turned back to Waverly, wiping his cheeks with the handkerchief from his pocket.

“Waves, it’s my grandfather’s bike.”

The 1954 Triumph Speed Twin sat amongst the club members, the chrome shiny and red paint bright, black leather seats glowing with the care taken in their restoration. Nico walked in laps around the bike, stopping to run his hands in awe over the handlebars and tank, memories flooding of when he was young and his grandfather would come by on the bike Saturday mornings, he and Nico’s Pop getting into long conversations about the history of American vs. British bikes, neither of them willing to concede their points, though it was all taken good-naturedly.

His grandfather would make sure his helmet was tight and then they’d be off, visiting all the morning auctions around the area, Nico holding tight to his grandfather’s well worn leather jacket, the giant aviation patch on the back fuzzy against his cheek.

“Nico it’s beautiful.”

“Wanna take her for a spin?”

“You’re lucky I planned ahead.”

—

Waverly adjusted her yoga shorts and then swung a leg over the Triumph, standing on the pegs before she sat down behind Nico, tucking her dress tightly into place.

Nico slipped his aviators on and adjusted his helmet, checking the mirrors of the bike. He loved driving the ‘Cuda, but he had to admit he’d missed being on a bike, feeling Waverly pressed close behind him. He started up the Triumph, the healthy rumble immediately sinking into his bones.

His grandfather’s bike had been sitting in storage since the man turned seventy, and he could feel the amount of work that had gone into restoring the bike to its fullest splendor. It didn’t have the biggest engine, or move off the block the fastest, but the Triumph had been well loved by his grandfather, coming back with him after a trip abroad after the war.

Waverly wrapped her arms around him under his vest, her hands on his suit jacket and he sighed into the feeling. _Much better._

The crew lounged on the picnic tables and watched as he swung the Speed Twin around in a small arc in the parking lot, putting her front tire toward the open chain link gate.

Cutter and Big Joe held their position as he did, moving to fall in behind them as they started to leave.

Waverly’s knees squeezed him and he gave the Triumph some juice, throwing a hand up to the crew as they zipped out of the compound.

Nico had decided to take a more direct approach to the cemetery, though still avoiding the highway for Waverly’s sake and the fact that the more than half century old bike hadn’t been designed to be the most comfortable for a second passenger; the funny little tuft of a seat she sat on was on a set of springs, Waverly bouncing pretty decently whenever they hit a bump. He kept his eyes peeled for anything in the road that could prove a nuisance, but hopefully Waverly, like he as a kid, found the jostling more an adventure than a thing to fear.

The air that whipped past him was warm, but negated some of the beating sun and he felt the rays soak into his skin. As much as the weather could seem antithetical to a lot of bike riding, he loved being out under the open Arizona sky, letting the long snake of a desert road decide where he went. There were no helmet laws in the state, once you turned eighteen, and he had taken quite a few trips that way just to feel the wind in his hair, but with Waverly with him and the importance of his destination, he hadn’t left anything to fate.

Being a Friday morning after rush hour, the roads were still busy but didn’t force him into stop-and-go traffic, for which he was grateful; the trip through the next few towns went smoothly, his heart beating out a solid rhythm as they zoomed along.

It was only as they drew imminently closer to the cemetery that his heart rate started to quicken, Waverly somehow picked up on it and ran her hand in smooth circles against his chest. He took a deep breath as they entered between the not-so-welcoming gates and parked off to the side of the service road nearest the funeral. He cut the engine and held still as Waverly dismounted, carefully making sure that even her yoga-shorted butt didn’t make an appearance as she hopped off the pegs.

He took his own time settling the bike and hooking his helmet off the handlebars, smoothing his hair back into place in the side mirror. He took off his vest and folded it neatly across the seat of the Triumph, he knew wearing it to the service would be asking for more trouble than he wanted. He felt far less nervous to possibly face his mother today and though even when he was little he recognized her wildcard streak, he figured she too wouldn’t want to make a scene this morning.

Nico could see folks gathering at a freshly dug grave at the center of the space and he glanced over to Cutter, looking terribly tough leaning against his Harley, arms folded.

“I guess we’ll either be back in a bit, or much sooner than that.”

Cutter nodded. “We’ll be here.” 

With a raised eyebrow he held his hand out to Waverly and she took it, her warm soft skin comforting against his own slightly nervous palm. They made their way past the few scraggly brush trees that had been landscaped into the area and toward the canopy set up for the funeral service; there wasn’t anywhere to hide in a desert cemetery, even the headstones were flat to the land. Only choice he really had was to join the gathering.

The cemetery had been built for service people to stay their eternal rest, and Nico easily spotted the honor guard assigned to his grandfather’s burial preparing by their own vehicles, making sure their flags were rippling perfectly and rifles polished. He had to swallow through his throat tightening, their presence always bringing him closer to crying than he wished. He knew he took the guard and gun salute a lot more seriously than others, considering he hadn’t served, but the idea that there was still something you could do for others that was noted after your death, stood for, it made the part of him tied so deeply to traditions both proud and emotional.

He saw his mother as he drew closer, a wide brimmed black hat to keep away the sun, her children and husband seated next to her in the front row. She was deep in conversation with someone behind her and didn’t see them approach, for which he was thankful. He didn’t want to get into another argument with her, especially here, but he would stand his ground, if need be.

Waverly squeezed his hand and pulled him toward the last two seats in the last row, the canopy above them small as it was just the family and their close friends invited to the service. A scattering of the seats were taken by supposed relatives, a few he recognized from the day before, though they only spared him a glance before going back to their own conversations; his mother clearly hadn’t wanted to gossip afterward about her unspoken-about son attending the wake. He was glad at least the eye that had been swollen shut was no longer, his visage was less piratical now and it helped him blend in, though he knew his cheek was still the size of a decent orange with the split from the gun butt wide across it. Being outdoors he could keep his aviators on and that aided him immensely.

“Nico, good on you, showing face again.”

He turned toward the voice and found Mrs. Nelsen striding across the dusty ground toward him, a floral scarf tied around her neck, a flash of color in her otherwise standard black outfit. He gave her a guilty smile and a shrug.

“Couldn’t stay away, loved him too much.”

Mrs. Nelsen grinned at him and greeted Waverly, pulling her into another bone crushing hug before she did the same to him, plunking her oversized purse down onto the open seat next to them.

“I’ll be right back.”

He nodded at her and slug his arm around the back of Waverly’s seat as they settled into the chairs, Nico adjusting his collar against the rising heat of the day. The suit still felt amazing, but there was only so much you could counteract the Arizona sun with, especially in August.

He looked out across the cemetery at all the graves, each person having pledged their life to defend others. At this point, it didn’t matter their reasoning, they were all linked in death, whether their ending had been one of sacrifice or old age. He sighed deeply and turned back to Waverly.

“You ok, Waves?”

She nodded though she didn’t turn to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine, though I think Mrs. Nelsen may have decided to poke the hornet’s nest.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Still not looking at him, she just pointed forward and his eyes followed the gesture, finding Mrs. Nelsen in quiet heated discussion with his mother.

“Oh no.” His eyebrows reached for his forehead as both women turned and looked directly at where they were seated. “Oh, fuck.”

“Maybe not?” Waverly didn’t sound certain.

“Um.” He straightened in his seat as Mrs. Nelsen glared his mother to walk toward them, following with a strident step.

“Nico, if you would?” Mrs. Nelsen gestured a little ways away from the awning and he nodded and stepped away from his seat, catching Waverly’s eye for only a second, but it helped.

He joined the awkward triumvirate, Mrs. Nelsen all business and his mother’s body language almost that of a contrite schoolchild.

“Hannah, I believe you have something you need to share with young Nico?”

His mother huffed and glanced at him before looking back at Mrs. Nelsen.

“I think doing this right now is highly-”

“Hannah, you’re not too old or me too frail that I won’t put you over my knee.”

Nico stifled the sudden need to laugh, even as his stomach was tying itself in highly decorative knots.

His mother sighed out a petulant noise and dug into the purse hanging from her shoulder, a small black box clutched in her hand when it emerged from the depths.

Mrs. Nelsen looked at both of them and sighed. “You’re both here because you miss the same amazing man we all do, so honeys, you need to figure out a way to make this work. Hannah, this is your flesh and blood, your first born child and what a child! Nico’s been through hell and back for the people he loves and himself; if you can’t find a place in your life for him, it’s because you don’t deserve to. Nico, I know your momma hurt you real bad, leaving like that, but you, and she, need to think of the future. You have a chance here, to do the best thing, to heal old wounds, to see if you can exist in each other’s lives. Your gramps meant a hell of a lot to all of us, and I would hate to have you two waste the opportunity you’ve been given here. Family’s only getting smaller, you should be able to count on who’s left.”

She narrowed her eyes at his mother, looking pointedly at the box. “You going to explain what that is, Hannah, or am I going to have to continue speaking for you?”

His mother tried to stand straighter, but then sagged with a sharp breath out. She bit her lip but then met his eyes, her own sad, tired and resigned. When she spoke, it was with much less malice than the day before.

“We read the will, last night, with Dad’s lawyer, and he set aside a few things for you. This was one.” She stretched her hand out with the box in it and Nico reached forward, his mother dropping it into his palm.

He pulled the ring box back, his heart thudding against his ribs. If it was what he thought it could be-

Nico popped the top back and looking up at him, a little time worn but just as he remembered it, was his grandfather’s signet ring, the family coat of arms sunk deeply into the gold. His grandfather had had much larger hands than he so the ring fit on his middle finger rather than the pinky, and he slid it into place on his left hand, turning the ring to catch the light. It brought a deep sense of calm to him and he looked back up at his mother, surprised but grateful.

“Thank you.”

His mother twitched, clearly not expecting the words and her cheeks pinked. “You’re welcome. There’s some other things, which he set aside, you’ll have to sign for them before the lawyer, but they’re yours too.”

Mrs. Nelsen cleared her throat. “I think you two can take it from here, my job is done.”

With a sharp nod and a smile, she stalked back toward Waverly, primly taking a seat next to his girlfriend.

His eyes fell to the ring on his hand, the deep burnished gold catching the light as he rotated his wrist to see the details of the crest more clearly.

“He loved you a lot.”

Nico sighed, closing his eyes for a second as he settled himself. “Yeah, he did.”

“He never talked about it, talked about you. I think after a while I stupidly assumed that meant you weren’t in his life, I never stopped to think he just hid your relationship from me.”

Nico shrugged. “It had nothing to do with you, after a while, was all based on things we had between us, we didn’t have reason to talk about you.”

His mother’s shoulders slumped. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did yesterday, even with everything. At first I was terrified, I thought Jake was back, but then I realized it was you, that the whispers I had heard here and there were true that you’d become- done- however you put it, that you were you. I ran a lot back then, ran from a lot of things, and you were the past, staring me in the face, still breathing. I panicked, thinking you were there to bring down and bring back all the things I’d run from, even if it was so long ago.”

She let out a shaky breath, unable to keep his eyes. “Matthew saw you, before we spoke and asked me who you were, last night. I didn’t lie to him. He was incredibly angry, but for you. Made a lot of really good points about the mistakes I had made. Said I should give you a chance. I don’t know how to do this, don’t even know if I can handle doing this, or how it would work, but if you’re willing to, he wants to meet you.”

Her fingers twitched by her side like she was wishing she had a cigarette, but her eyes were clear and she looked back at him again. “Could we do that? See what could happen?”

Nico was floored. Gone was the angry woman of the day before, and she just looked like his mother. Older, more tired, smaller somehow- but still her. He cleared his throat, his thumb absently playing with the band of his grandfather’s ring.

It didn’t take long for him to decide.

Nico took in a huge breath, straightened his shoulders, and let it out slowly, the smell of the flowering sweet acacia trees nearby thick in his nose. He found his mother’s eyes and held them.

“I think, if we take it slow, _really slow_, there may be a way we can find, as long as we do it together.”

His mother looked at him, her eyes sharp, as if she was truly seeing him for the first time, and nodded.

“Maybe not today, with everything going on, but soon.”

Nico’s mother nodded again. “I can do that. Mrs. Nelsen has my number. When you want to call, do.”

Nico nodded briefly in return. “Ok.”

“I should get back up there, I think the priest is waiting on us to start.”

His mother hesitated like she was going to say more, but then shook her head slightly at herself and wrapped her arms around her body, walking back toward her family at the front of the gathering, the seats now much more filled, only a few empty spots visible.

Nico slipped into his seat next to Waverly, his girlfriend immediately squeezing his thigh as he sat down, Mrs. Nelsen giving him a bright smile as he turned her way.

“She just needed a little shove, dear.” She winked and turned back to the front as the priest began to speak. 

—

When the guns went off, Nico stood tall and unflinching, the tears coursing silently down his cheeks; they didn’t stop until long after the flag was folded and presented to his mother.Waverly stood close, her shoulder brushing against his arm and he felt pride at that moment, but the wholesome kind; alive and in love. Nico thought his grandfather would be glad of that. He had always wanted Nico to be happy.

He reached down and took Waverly’s hand in his, her finger playing with the signet ring before twining their fingers; Nico felt an odd sort of peace fall over him and he looked out past the mortuary staff slowly lowering the casket into the ground, his heart lighter than he felt it had any right to be. This…whatever it was, possible line of communication with his mother was an unexpected twist and it was slowly sinking in what that could mean. There was an incredible amount of scar tissue there, but maybe they could make it work, somehow. 

—

Nico held up a hand to his mother as she and her family turned to go after the service, his mother half-raised her hand back, looking almost surprised at herself. Her husband nodded in his direction before they and the kids headed towards their car and wherever life was about to take them.

Waverly wrapped her arms around his waist and put her head to his chest.

“Well aren’t you two just the damn cutest. Let me get a picture of you before you go. Hold still, no, don’t you hide that pretty smile Waverly, there you go,” Mrs. Nelsen held up her phone and snapped a few pictures until she was satisfied.

“I’ll text those to you later, honey, and your momma’s number.” She gripped his arm and smiled up at him. “I’m glad this worked out, or is on its way to being worked out. My magic’s still strong.”

She clicked her tongue and winked at them, starting to head to her own car. “You come see me before you leave, we’ll have lunch and you can meet Felix and George, the pups will love you.”

“Sure thing, Mrs. Nelsen,” Waverly called, shaking her head gently with mirth.

“She’s a one woman special forces team. Disarms and infiltrates in seconds. Your mother didn’t stand a chance.” She chuckled and put her head back to his chest, a finger snagging through his jacket.

\--

They walked together toward his grandfather’s headstone as the rest of the attendees left, the cemetery crew poised to finish the burial, and Nico sighed as he toed the edge of the sandy grave. He bowed his head and sent a last few thoughts toward his grandfather, Waverly’s hand reassuring in his own. He’d come through a lot in the last week to find himself where he was, but he had made it, was standing here before the man who had meant so incredibly much to him.

His grandfather had taught him kindness and an unstoppable curiosity and willingness to learn, had showed him that passion in music existed, that capturing an unexpected moment on film could be a beautiful thing; the man had been one of the first great examples in his life that men could be vulnerable and Nico could never take for granted how that had felt, knowing that his grandfather never treated anyone differently, no matter the experience.

The stories he had passed on to Nico would shine brightly within him, glimpses of his grandfather’s boyhood and growing up, of their family and the tales others before him had carried too; each a rope Nico could hold to about who he was and where he came from. Invaluable knowledge he’d do his damndest to honor.

He could feel his eyes starting to burn again and let out a shaky sigh, he missed his grandfather immensely, the sound of the man’s voice alone was always enough to make him instantly smile as a kid; his grandfather often found singing along to whatever was on the radio in a faux-Brooklyn accent, trying to make him laugh. It had worked.

When he felt he could, he turned away from the burial, his heart grieving, but not as heavy as he had expected. For the good and the bad, the trip had demolished all expectations.

“Ready?”

Nico squeezed Waverly tightly and kissed the side of her head. He hadn’t thought past what would happen if he survived the wake and the burial, but here he was, he had.

_So what to do?_

He thought for a second, letting the breeze buffet his clothes before it came to him. Something he could share with Waverly that she would absolutely love. It would sadly require going back to four wheels, but a few hours of highway travel and he could show Waverly a place he knew she’d never seen.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

—

Nico had mysteriously instructed Waverly to pack an overnight bag, their plane back to Purgatory not until Sunday, so they had a few days still to explore; he’d made a reservation at a rather upscale hotel in Sedona, one of his favorite places to escape to in the state and he wanted to show Waverly how beautiful it was. He had resisted all of her efforts at trying to wheedle out information from him and a few hours after the funeral, they were back in the ‘Cuda, heading north.

He felt far more relaxed in a tank and his jeans and boots, sunglasses on against the glare as he looked over to the passenger seat, Waverly’s eyes behind her own sunglasses glued to the passing scenery. The midday traffic was light, even for a Friday and Nico was glad of it as they wound their way further toward the mountains. He’d picked a meandering route, more focused on letting Waverly see the true beauty of the state. Her phone was clutched in her hand, she’d been taking pictures of what they had passed, and radiated a joyful vibe that was starting to be quite infectious.

“We’re about to take a little detour on our way to the very surprise destination, but I think you’ll appreciate it.”

Nico took the exit off the highway and headed off on the secondary route, their travels taking a westerly jaunt before heading northward again. Waverly caught sight of one of the route signs and snorted loudly.

“Pretty sure you took this road so somewhere along you could make a route sixty-nine joke,” she pointed to the sign out the window.

“I hadn’t made one yet, had I? Though if you’re in the mood, I could pull over.”

Waverly laughed and smacked his arm, Nico pretending it hurt.

“Drive, you beast. I want my secret!”

Nico grinned as big as he could at his girlfriend with his cheek still swollen. “As m’lady wishes.”

Waverly kept her eyes out the window as they started to gain elevation. “So do I get a hint?”

Nico shrugged. “There’s a bed involved, at some point, with some walls, and a roof. Food might be present. Hopefully some oxygen.”

“You are entirely unhelpful.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“But you still love me anyway.” The words were out of his mouth with a grin before he could stop them, the first time he’d joked about the new truths between them.

Waverly started, but she turned back to him, a beautiful smile growing on her face as she reached out and squeezed his thigh.

“I do, yeah.”

—

They broke in and out of the lazy clouds that drifted above them as they climbed into the mountains, Nico bypassing the direct route to their destination for a slow wandering through the canyon roads that clung to the edges of the rocks.

The views were beautiful, though the road had to be paid attention to and he kept his eyes on the unpredictable curves as Waverly gawked, her attention split between taking it all in and recording it on her phone.

“Wynonna would love this, all the broken down mines and hidden turns. I could almost see Wyatt on his horse going down these roads instead of us in the car.”

Nico chuckled. “I love this drive, used to come up here just for the fun of finding what’s around every bend.”

Waverly nodded as she turned back toward the window and the view beyond.

—

“Nico, this is breathtaking.” Waverly stepped out of the ‘Cuda, parked on the rim of the valley and looked out over the wide open plain they stood well above. Far, far below they watched a herd of antelope as they grazed and moved about, the scattered clouds above them painting lazily moving shadows on the valley floor.

“I always loved the view up here, but this is actually secondary to why I took the detour,” he joined her, standing in front of the car. “We’re in Jerome, which exists as an artists’ colony, I thought you’d like to explore some of the galleries.”

Waverly’s eyes lit up and she threw her arms around him and squeezed, his own arms wrapping around her right back. They turned away from the view and made their way hand in hand toward the main street.

—

Nico’d never thought something so small would mean so much, but Waverly spent the afternoon smiling at him like he’d brought her to the Met, and then told her she owned it. The walked together, poking in and out of the little galleries, stores and collectives, Waverly ‘ooohing’ over a few vibrant pieces, Nico getting lost in a shop run by a woodcarver and having to be dragged out by his girlfriend, her stomach starting to rumble beyond control.

They ate lunch at a tiny café on the edge of one of the steep streets, their view back over the valley and Nico felt at ease in a way he hadn’t ever, Waverly’s eyes warm with love, both of them lost in each other. He was discovering he delighted in exploring with Waverly, seeing what caught her eye, and what she was drawn to; he filed away each interaction, stealthily gathering the contact information for a few of the artists she had fawned over, tucking their cards into his back jean pocket.

Waverly had swung her chair around next to his as they splurged on a midday dessert, both of their spoons dueling to take bites of the mouthwatering panna cotta. Waverly had decided it was easier to just use one spoon and they’d started to share, the disgustingly cute looks happening between them making a middle aged lady nearby huff at her table, but Nico couldn’t care when Waverly held up the spoon to him and offered a bite with the sweetest smile.

They got back in the ‘Cuda sated and happy, Waverly not being able to part from a small print of a wild desert scene she had found, now carefully wrapped in paper and laid flat in the expansive trunk, carefully placed between their bags for safe keeping. Nico pulled back out on the road and they followed the rim of the valley east before they broke away from it, heading back into the desert and red rock territory 

—

The sun was thinking about setting when they started to approach their destination, the deep red rocks of Sedona springing from the desert floor with a flourish, Nico pointing out the formations he knew and explaining their names and stories. He took so much enjoyment from how interested Waverly was, her side research while he drove adding much to their conversation as she discovered local tales and fables attached to the area and gave him dramatic readings of them as they went.

Nico felt lighter the longer they drove and the closer they got to his surprise. He wasn’t nervous to share this place with Waverly, she’d banished most of his hesitations with her words and actions the previous few days, he felt a sort of queer bravery with the support she had showed him; it seemed there was little he could do that would disappoint her and that was quite a thing, indeed.

Waverly perked up even more as they made their way through downtown, the weathered timber and stucco of the buildings matching well to the towers of red rock beyond.

Downtown Sedona was busy, families and travelers spread out on both sides of the street, though less populous than in cooler times of the year and Nico thanked the monsoon season for his ability to snag them the accommodations he had. He’d gone a little, well, a lot all out and he hoped Waverly enjoyed what he’d had planned.

He took the roundabout an extra circle around just to make Waverly laugh and then darted off onto an innocuous side street, the bustle of the main drag instantly left behind.

A gasp came from Waverly as they pulled into the front of the lodge at the end of the road, the tall vaulted entrance roof bricked in tasteful river rocks, the glassed lodge doors wide open into the warm yet breezy evening.

“Nico! What are we doing here?”

Nico grinned and shrugged. “I wanted to show my baby a good time.”

He handed the keys to the ‘Cuda off to the attendant, giving the young guy a quick eyebrow as the kid couldn’t hide his excitement over a chance to sit behind the car’s wheel; he led Waverly into the lodge and toward the check in desk, passing the three story fireplace and seating area full of overstuffed brown leather couches and low rustic looking modern tables.

Waverly’s eyes were attempting to take it all in and Nico knew he’d made the right decision to splurge. They only lived once, and Waverly had added more to his life than he ever could have dreamed, showing her some of that appreciation only felt natural.

“Nico, isn’t this too fancy?” Waverly whispered to him as the clerk stepped away to grab a printout and their room key.

“Nothing is too fancy for the woman I love.”

Nico’s heart swelled as Waverly near melted against him, her lips finding the crook of his neck. “Nicooooooo.”

“What? My baby’s the world to me, and she deserves the best there is.”

“Kindness is rewarded, you know.” It was said in a seductive whisper against his ear before Waverly leaned back, the cheery front desk clerk stepping in front of them again to hand Nico their key.

“Enjoy your night!”

“Oh, we will!” Waverly’s voice was just as bubblegum but Nico had to stifle a laugh, knowing his girlfriend was commenting on a few levels.

—

“Your abode for the evening, Ms. Earp,” Nico bowed low and gestured with a flourish, the small welcoming cottage tucked under the gnarled trees. They could see and hear the creek nearby that gave the cottage its name, burbling between the evening birdsong and sounds of the trees in the breeze.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me. This is all ours? That’s amazeballs!” Waverly ran ahead of him, leaving her bag by his side to scamper up onto the deck, its two plush outdoor chairs facing the wilderness beyond.

They’d made their way through the hotel and kept going, Waverly getting more and more curious as they wandered. She’d stopped to peek in the fancy doors of the hotel’s restaurant, but Nico only made noncommittal but supportive noises when she crowed about the food people were being served, he had a few things up his sleeve he wasn’t going to reveal quite yet.

He grabbed the bags and followed his hopping and excited girlfriend onto the deck, opening the door into their cottage, Waverly immediately pushing past him and flinging herself into the middle of the king-sized bed.

“Well I know where I’ll be the rest of the night,” she declared, throwing her arms wide and wiggling deeper into the plush comforter. “I don’t think I’ve ever laid on a bed so fluffy before.”

“You may find a reason to get up,” he smiled, as he put the bags by the closet and threw himself in an oversized armchair in the sitting area, looking across the room at his adorable girlfriend.

“It would have to be a good one.” The retort came muffled, Waverly having buried her face in one of the impossibly lavish pillows.

Nico laughed and stretched, taking in the room. It was quite the digs, their own fireplace ready to go should they need it for the desert evening chill, the seating area and giant bed taking up most of the space, a discreet door to what he assumed would be a ridiculous bathroom beyond. At the thought of the bathroom, he remembered the amenity that had snagged his attention and convinced him to spend the extra money beyond his wanting to give Waverly a great memory.

“Could I convince you to come try out the outdoor shower with me?”

An eye raised over the pillow. “And why would I want to shower right now?”

Nico chuckled. “Besides getting me all to yourself? I may have made some dinner plans for,” he checked his phone, “an hour and a half from now.”

The eyebrow over the eye raised. “Good food?”

Nico got up and rugged on the toes of the foot nearest to him before it was pulled back into the nest of pillows and blankets Waverly was creating around her and he walked over to the bags and grabbed his, pulling out nice chinos and a button down, hanging them up and grateful they hadn’t gotten wrinkled. He was unsurprised to see that his actions were gathering notice.

“Would dinner involve seeing you in that?”

“It’s highly likely.”

“Where’s the shower?”

—

Nico stepped out of the cabin with his towel wrapped around his waist, enjoying how the sun had gone down and left the nighttime in its place, the sounds of the desert after dusk surrounding him. Waverly came up behind him, placing a warm hand on his bare back, her towel carefully tucked around her body, soap and shampoo in her other hand.

“Where is this thing?”

Nico smiled and walked around the corner of their little cabin, finding the shower quite comfortable, a far cry from the shack walls and rusty outdoor faucet he was used to seeing. He opened the door, pulling back the cedar wood divider and turned on the faucet to the shower, noting its helpful position out of the spray. He looked over his shoulder at Waverly and deliberately let his towel unfurl, hanging it up before stepping into the spray.

“Coming?”

He heard a strangled noise and then there was a flurry of movement as Waverly tossed the toiletries on the shelf placed in the shower and threw her towel backward, just barely remembering to close the door behind her. He felt Waverly’s bare body press against his back and hummed his happiness as two arms came around his torso, one testing the water hitting his chest, the other smoothing itself against the plane of his stomach.

He turned under the spray and Waverly’s arms, bringing his lips down to his girlfriend’s, her smile wide and eyes sparkling before he pressed forward and kissed her, tipping his head to lick at the edge of her bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth and nibbling on it, Waverly’s arms snaking more tightly around him.

Nico got lost in the taste of Waverly, the heat rising between them until he realized he’d backed Waverly against the side of the shower, the warm water coursing down his back.

“Baby, can I make you feel good?”

Waverly just groaned her affirmation into his chest, the adventurous tips of his fingers already skirting across her hip and heading for soft curls.

Waverly was hot and wet when he dipped between her folds and he couldn’t keep the loud groan from escaping his throat.

“Fuck, Waves. You always feel so damn good.”

Waverly tilted her head back to look at him, her pupils blown and hazel dark, “Bet I taste even better.”

Nico shuddered and nodded, dropping to his knees, his beard brushing up against the inside of Waverly’s thigh as she threw her leg over his shoulder and carded her hand through his hair.

“Go on, can’t be late to dinner.”

Nico was never one to disobey his love and dipped forward, his tongue laving the soft wet skin he found.

“Unf, fuck. Yes, Nico, just like that.”

—

They barely made their dinner reservation, Nico not able to stop after Waverly’s first orgasm, only pinning her further to the wall on her wobbly legs and drawing out a second from her twitching, heated body.

They’d gotten dressed on opposite sides of the room, both admitting they wouldn’t make it to their meal otherwise.

Nico hadn’t been able to believe his eyes, turning around while cuffing his sleeves to find Waverly tying the straps on her sandals, a pastel blue summer dress hugging her body. He’d had to walk across the room and kiss his girlfriend near senseless until she had batted him away, laughing.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her as they walked hand in hand back toward the main section of the hotel, he’d gotten them dinner reservations at the very same restaurant Waverly had been so impressed by, but after he gave his name the host had smiled and given them both a small nod, gesturing for them to follow him; and they had, through the main dining area, out onto the deck, past the rest of the diners enjoying their fancy meals and to a small secluded deck space occupied by one table, the wooden platform nestled right above the creek.

The table had a crisp white cloth thrown across the surface, shadows dancing across it from the gas lamps at the edge of the decking. The light from them was soft and beckoned them to enjoy their time. Fairy lights had been artfully strewn in the trees beyond their table and he honestly hadn’t seen anything so romantic before, Waverly’s eyes were delighted too as she took it all in.

Nico pulled out Waverly’s chair and then sat himself across from her at the table, unable to keep the grin off his face at Waverly’s continued look of enjoyable surprise.

“Nico! How did you swing this?” Waverly hissed at him across the table, her eyes wide when she opened the menu, noting the distinct lack of prices listed.

“I have my ways.” He winked and she rolled her eyes affectionately.

“So I can order the whole menu then?”

Nico laughed. “Well, maybe not the whooooole menu, but whatever you want, Waverly, this night and tomorrow are for you, for what you’ve given my life, given me.”

Waverly perused the menu with an interested eye. “Things I see listed here I never thought I’d eat. Spoil away, Haught.”

\--

Dinner took on a hazy ethereal tone as the night continued, both of them lost in the little bubble of their secluded deck, the burbling creek going by near underneath their feet in the dark; Nico had pointed out the stars through the trees and promised that he’d bring Waverly somewhere she could see them so much clearer, the way she looked at him set his heart ablaze and he was so thankful he kept making the right decisions in sharing himself with his girlfriend.

They both were knocked over by how good their chosen meals were, giggles erupted as they each tried to keep their food related gasps and moans to a minimum, each bite a new wonder of flavor. Forks were lifted with offerings across the table, Nico shuffling his chair around the circle a little bit each time until they were more next to each other than not.

Waverly certainly didn’t seem to mind, she kept one hand high on his thigh as she ate, her eyes catching the light of the lamps placed around them, glinting with happiness and mischief.

When the dinner plates had been cleared and they were waiting for their desserts to arrive, Nico leaned over and pressed a soft kiss against Waverly’s temple.

“I’m so thankful for you, Waves.”

Waverly turned her head and captured his jaw with her hand, drawing him back and kissing him gently but soundly, his mind hazy when she released him and he knew it showed as Waverly grinned smugly.

“I’m thankful for you too, Nico.” She ruffled his hair and he stuck his tongue out, his hand smoothing his fiery locks back into place.

They relaxed into the silence, Nico’s arm around the back of Waverly’s chair as she leaned into him, both of them staring off into the darkness, the cool night a balm against the earlier heat of the day. Nico breathed deeply of the scents in front of them, Waverly’s fresh clean skin, the trees around them and the wet of the damp creek banks, it brought him a deep calm and he relished being able to experience it, the ghost of the memory of Declan’s gun against his skull flitting through his mind and he pulled Waverly a little closer to him, his girlfriend only responding by snuggling further into his shoulder.

When the waiter returned with Waverly’s Madagascar vanilla crème brûlée and Nico’s raspberry chocolate mousse cake, neither could avoid drooling; the generous cake slice had Nico reaching for his fork before the plate had even hit the table. Waverly was similarly entranced by her dessert, her eyes almost as large in delight as the dish it was served in.

There was little talking after that unless it pertained to the food, spoonfuls and forkfuls were traded, eyes closing in sugar buoyed rapture; Nico couldn’t help kissing a brush of chocolate off of Waverly’s lips as she stole the last bite of his cake off his fork but it didn’t stay there, their sugary tongues sliding together as the kiss become more heated, their secluded location letting them throw their usual boundaries to the wind.

Waverly pulled back from him panting, her pupils blown and a sugary-bright smile on her face. “This has definitely been my favorite date, so far.”

Nico licked at the edge of his lip and grinned back. “Yeah, Waves? Good. It’s not over yet.”

The server whisked away their well-cleaned dessert plates and left behind two mints, their meal charged to the room account.

“Wow this place is fancy.” 

Nico popped the mint in his mouth and held his arm out to Waverly. “Shall we?”

Waverly adopted a well-mannered pose and slipped her arm in his. “Why yes, let’s.”

\--

Nico handed the attendant his ticket and when the ‘Cuda arrived, opened Waverly’s door for her before he slipped behind the wheel, putting the car into gear and heading off into the night.

He pointed the nose of the car north and dove them through downtown, now much more quiet as night had fallen, the hubbub centered on late diners at the town’s restaurants, the light from their open doors spilling onto the narrow streets.

Nico had the windows down and he could smell the clean breezes bringing him hints of grilled tortilla and charred cactus, his stomach grumbling a little even though he knew he couldn’t fit another bite.

After a twenty minute ride out of town, the ambient lights disappearing almost immediately as they left behind the storefronts, they arrived at Nico’s secret place.

It wasn’t really a secret, would be a wide open location when the sun was up, full of tourists, but at night, with all those kids tucked into bed, he and Waverly had it to themselves. He had taken them on a winding route up a large rock formation to the very top, parking the ‘Cuda and grabbing a blanket out of the trunk before offering Waverly his arm again, her body snuggled into another of his sweatshirts, he’d tossed the one she’d worn before, his blood too much across it by the end of the night. Neither of them wanted the reminder.

They walked to a small overlook, Nico spreading the blanket out on the softest patch of hard ground he could find, thankful he’d grabbed the fluffiest blanket in the clubhouse. He plopped down, inviting Waverly to join him.

“The view here is incredible when the sun is up, all the red rock formations stretched out in front of us, but I wanted to show you why it’s special to me now.”

He stretched out on his back, Waverly laying down next to him after she smoothed out her dress.

“I used to ride my bike up here in high school when I needed space, it literally was the best incarnation of that I could find. I’ve never seen the sky as clear as it gets here, the Milky Way so bright since there’s no light pollution to mess with it. Made me feel like I was less alone when my pop was off on a run and school had been shitty or I was feeling down, lost in not knowing which way was up about myself.”

Waverly nestled her head into his shoulder. “It’s beautiful, Nico. The sky just looks so much _bigger_ here.”

They listened to the sounds of the wind across the rocks and stared into the night together, both lost in their own thoughts. Nico’s turned to the conversation they had had only yesterday in the ‘Cuda, he was constantly amazed that so much had happened in so little time, he kept feeling like his cheek should be healed, before remembering the fight with Declan was barely two days past, his whole trip one short jumble. He rolled his and Waverly’s conversation around in his mind, still worried he hadn’t put himself across the way he had wanted to, exactly, his emotions too heightened at the time to give her the quiet reflection underneath. Nothing of what he had said had been inaccurate, he did often have to fight off a weird primal sex part of his brain, but as much as the biological needs of things was his focus, he hadn’t much touched on what was even further under that.

“Hey, Waverly?”

“Mm, baby?”

He sighed. “I want to say something, but I don’t want to ruin the mood of things.”

Waverly rolled on her side and leaned her head on her hand, her eyebrows pulling slightly. “What’s up?”

Nico mirrored her position, Waverly’s free hand snagging a finger in his belt loop. “Well, we had that big talk yesterday and I said a lot of things, and they were true things, but I feel like it’s so complicated and layered I left things out without meaning to.”

Waverly lifted an eyebrow. “…ok?”

Nico looked down at the worn blanket, the fabric pilling and threadbare almost in places, showing its age. He made himself meet Waverly’s eyes.

“Part of being…outside of the normal gender path of growing up is not always knowing what is hyperbole and what you’re actually missing out on; not knowing if your brain and who you are is actually keeping you away from knowledge or an experience, or if cis folk just go through those things and blow their importance out of proportion because they only have their own, and the “usual” path, to even think or draw from.”

His girlfriend listened intently, her hand having slipped under the edge of his shirt and her fingers now drawing small circles on the bare skin of his hip.

“How do you mean?”

Nico took another deep breath. “Well, I meant what I said about why Declan gets under my skin so much, and those kinds of things in general, but I feel like I missed explaining the _why_ better.” He paused. “As much as I absolutely think adoption and being a foster parent are beyond legitimate ways to be a family…I never really could discern for myself if not being cis and not…making a baby the traditional way kept me from evolving somehow. Being trans means not being able to do things in life in the right order, never really having the boyhood I had wished for, never getting to woo girls as a teenager in the body I wanted, never learning or being taught manhood – I didn’t know if it was a “grass is greener” kind of thing, or if I really, truly, was holding myself back from some next plane of existence. People always talk about how having a kid changed them, their perspectives, how they looked and moved in the world. I never knew if that was just the words of a person who was realizing what it was to take care of another being selflessly for the first time, or if I was actually locked out of important knowledge for the rest of my existence because of who I am.”

He looked out into the dark beyond their blanket for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

“So it is about the owning and the snarling bestial aspect, and not knowing how to handle all these urges I have to do things I physically cannot do; but underneath that is this fear that I’ve locked myself out of integral human knowledge and am getting left behind in ways I can’t see because I’m not…tied into the system like everyone else is. Am I stuck on some lesser immature level of human existence because who I am doesn’t fit in any easy box? I don’t know, I’ve never known.”

His words hung in the quiet night; far off a lone howl could be heard, before it was joined by other voices and Waverly shivered, snuggling herself closer against his body.

“I don’t think anyone knows anything, at the end of the day, Nico. People have been popping out babies for as long as we’ve been able to and I doubt anyone is going to stop now, but that knowledge isn’t sacred. It’s mundane and so close to the root of everything else, which, I can see where your argument would come from. I don’t know if I “fulfilled” my design from a biological standpoint if my brain would suddenly find the nth dimension, but I’m sure my worldview would change, now having this creature that was wholly dependent on me; but I think you had it there a bit- that it’s really only the biggest change for the people forced to become responsible when perhaps they hadn’t endeavored to be otherwise. If having babies makes you evolve, I think I’d want a refund with some of the folks making decisions these days. They’re all parents and they’re all off their damn rockers.”

Nico snorted at that, his action bringing his mouth close to Waverly’s head and he pushed forward that little bit more to kiss the top of her hair. 

“How do you always make me feel better about these things, Waverly?”

He felt her shrug, his lips still pressed to her head.

“I love you, Nico, and well, I like knowing the big parts of you, even if you think they’re scary. We’ve both been handed shit sandwiches, and sometime they get better, like Wynonna coming back and your mom today, and sometimes they don’t. I want to discover all the things that go on in that busy brain of yours, how you look at the world. And yeah, babies and family are some of the biggest things. If I ever thought about starting a family, no matter how it looked, I’d want to make sure the person beside me for it let me know where they stood without me having to pull it out of them, and knew where I stood, without them having to drag it out of me too, so that if it comes a time where that knowledge would be useful, we’d already have that foundation to work from.”

Nico nodded, letting her words wash over him, one hand raising to curl a few strands of her hair around his finger.

“We would make the cutest babies on Earth, you know.”

Waverly’s eyes crinkled with merriment. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, even if I might agree.”

Nico felt the smile slide across his face, slow as molasses. He’d never felt so secure discussing these topics before, his usual vulnerability not paired with instant and deep anxiety. He doubted now there was anything he could tell Waverly that she would turn from him about, even if she didn’t agree and the freedom of that made his heart soar.

He curled around Waverly on the blanket, his arm pulling her tight to him, her head tucking into his chest.

“You’re the greatest thing I didn’t know I could wish for, Waverly Earp.”

They held each other for a long time, looking up at the vault of the night sky so expansive above them, each twinkling light carrying a thousand stories through the universe. Nico could feel the weight of his grief and the residual unease from Declan mixing with the strange tendril of hope that surrounded thoughts of his mother and he was surprised he could fit all of the conflicting information, but as Waverly snuggled further into him, he knew.

\--

Later on Waverly rustled and sat up, stretching, Nico watching the shift of her body in the low light of the night, his eyes following the line of her spine as it curved while she raised her arms to the sky.

“I could fall asleep right there if my legs weren’t getting cold.”

Nico grinned. “Can’t lose those gams darlin’, that would cause a national day of mourning.”

Waverly laughed, “Maybe just for you.”

“Definitely at least for me.”

Nico felt giddy and he surged up off the blanket, buoyed by the feeling, skipping over the wooden fence at the edge of the overlook and climbing onto the rungs, balancing against the yawn of pitch black beyond him.

“Nico, _what_ are you doing?”

Nico threw his arms out wide, yelling into the night.

“I love Waverly Earp and she loves me too!” The end of the word was stretched out into a delighted howl and as Nico’s voice trailed off he heard a few coyotes picking up his call, their own plaintive wails loosed to the night.

“You’re such a dork.” Waverly pulled him to her when he’d hopped off the fence, both of their faces bright with joy.

“Your dork.”

They walked back to the ‘Cuda wrapped together in the blanket, Waverly humming in happiness.

“So what’s next?”

Nico snorted. “Next? I’m tiiiiiiired. Bed is next.”

Waverly pouted, though there was a twinkle to her eye. “Sleep? Boo. You’re boring.”

Nico chuckled as he turned the ignition and eased the ‘Cuda back down the darkened path toward town. “You know if I get you in a king size bed, I’m not going to let it go to waste.”

Laughing, Waverly turned the radio to a blues station and relaxed into the seat. “I’d hope not.”

The music fit the mood of the night and their hands met across the seat as Nico drove them back to the hotel and they enjoyed the swirl of it between them.

\--

Nico woke with a wide smile, cocooned amongst the fluffy comforter and soft sheets he’d had a blissful night’s sleep, his body delightfully sore from he and Waverly’s bedtime antics, even with everything that whirled around them they’d found a space together that had been near life changing; he’d never felt so connected to another human being the way he was with Waverly and he was surprised his damn skull hadn’t exploded from what happened between them and the sheets.

He pulled himself into a sitting position against the headboard, the thread count feeling amazing on his naked skin. He surveyed the room but found no hint of Waverly herself, though he could see where she’d been; the hotel robe thrown across the back of a chair, the blinds slightly opened to catch the early morning sun, the sliding door to the deck just a little bit disturbed. 

Running a hand through his hair he let himself relax into the covers, the surprise he had planned was still several hours away, he’d smartly assumed there might be a reason to ease into this morning and had given them a late start, expecting to laze about, maybe order some ridiculous room service just because they could

But it wasn’t to be.

The sliding glass door opened and Waverly nearly sashayed into the room with two hot liquid tumblers clutched in her hands. The moment she saw that he was awake she grinned and launched herself into the bed, Nico laughing as she landed in the midst of the pillows, one hand shooting out toward him to hand over a cup.

“Hot tea, special delivery.”

Nico leaned into the pile of pillows and kissed Waverly, her skin already warm from the sun and he pressed his naked body against Waverly’s clothed one.

Breakfast could wait.

\--

“So where are you taking me?” Waverly swung their arms as they walked down the main drag of Sedona, the ‘Cuda left behind at the hotel in favor of a stroll through the town.

“Figured brunch was in order, and then I’ve got something up my sleeve.” He waggled his eyebrows at her and she laughed, nudging him with her shoulder.

“Lead on, good sir.”

The sun felt amazing as he pointed them toward his favorite breakfast spot, nestled on the back side of one of the busy buildings of Main St, the views from the back deck a feast for the eyes, though he noticed Waverly had no issue taking in what could be seen from the sidewalk, her wide brimmed hat turning to catch all they passed.

Nico breathed deeply of the high desert air, everything feeling cleaner and clearer up where they were, he’d often come up here just to shake away the mental cobwebs and it worked, whether the altitude, the vortexes or what, he didn’t know- it all boiled down to walking along the sidewalk, maneuvering between small giggling children and their parents, holding his love’s hand and feeling oddly right with the world, somehow.

\--

Nico couldn’t help the grin that stretched across his face, watching Waverly make a silly face with her orange slices before she stuck her tongue out at him and chomped on one with glee, their brunch dishes demolished in front of them.

“I’m so full but that was so good.” He rubbed at his convex belly and leaned away from the table, the warm breezes playing with the petals of the wildflowers in a small jar in the middle of the spread.

“You did just take out a whole waffle the size of your head. And scrambled eggs. And bacon. And some of my pancakes. And the fruit. I’m gonna have to roll you home, I think, doubt you’ll fit on the plane tomorrow.”

He hid a not-so-tiny burp behind his cloth napkin. “You may be correct.”

“Aw, my poor baby.” She poked him in the stomach, though her face was full of concern.

“Hey!”

Waverly’s eyes crinkled before she dramatically leaned against him. “I’m sure you’ll live.”

Nico chuckled. “Maybe. If I don’t, no surprise for you.”

“So what you’re saying is that my eventual happiness relies on you being alive?”

Nico nodded very solemnly.

Waverly just huffed. “Better not be too eventual.”

“Hey!”

\--

“Ok, so. Really now, Nico. What are we doing?”

Nico had taken them on a long wander back down Main St, letting their stomachs settle before the big surprise. Waverly had even fallen in love with an amber and turquoise pendant that she decided she had to have and was now wearing happily around her neck, Nico having helped her to secure the clasp. He adored that Waverly was enjoying herself, that seeing a place that made him happy made her happy.

“Well, we’re here. Actually.” He grinned.

Waverly looked up at the bright sign above the tiny storefront. “Pink Jeep Tours? Nico, what is this?”

Nico’s grin only grew. “One of my favorite silly things to do. Now, I know being already a badass mammajamma Jeep owner, you’ve had your share of offroad fun,” he ignored Waverly’s snicker, “but my Pop took me to do this when I was little and I’ve tried to do it every time I’m up here, if just for the scenery. Now. I talked to some of the guides when I made the reservation and it looks like they’re testing a new route, wanted to know if we were ok with helping, giving our opinions. There will be less history lesson this run, but more adventure. What do you say?”

Waverly looked over at the line of beefy mud splattered pepto-bismol pink Jeeps, raised an amused curious eyebrow and shrugged as she started to smile. “Let’s do this.”

\--

They sat in the back of the stripped down Jeep, cloth belts tight across their laps as gravity threatened to spill them out of the deceptively angled vehicle, two tires up on the boulder and the thin webbing the only thing keeping them even remotely safe.

Waverly’s hand not wrapped around a cross bar was waving in the air. “Go for it!!”

“If you say so!” Their driver, Alex, revved the engine and then actually gave the Jeep some go, the tires and custom axles flexing as the Jeep climbed the precariously leaning rock formation, the vehicle nearly vertical as it went. Nico, Waverly and the other two passengers whooped as the Jeep crested the formation and thundered back down into an arroyo, water splashing up around its tires.

Waverly’s face was alight with fervent excitement, her eyes sparkling as she leaned into the path the Jeep was taking up the next hill, her eyes peeled for every new piece of information and bit of nature revealed. They’d headed out from downtown on the main roads, both of them delighting in the open air of the Jeep and the wind as it buffeted them, Waverly stowing her hat in favor of a bright scarf she tied her hair back with before showing her face to the sun like a flower; Nico managing to get a few shots with his phone camera that he was pretty damn sure he wanted to print and frame, if not just stare at for a long time while he sighed lovingly. 

Their trek had taken them nearly an hour out into the wildlands before the true route had even started, Nico knew they were getting quite the trip and was going to enjoy every minute of it; what he hadn’t expected was for Waverly to take to the unconventional bouldering with the excitement of a miner who struck gold. Their guide Alex found it hysterical, and along with his copilot Julia, had taken every available moment to push the limits of the Jeep and the group.

The line they’d taken through the rock lands was thrilling and fun, getting tossed around in the back as Alex and Julia told them about some of the formations they were passing at a distance as well as the creek beds they were riding through. Even though the Jeep meandered pretty far off the usual path, the pair were quite invested in the ecology of their adrenaline habit and spoke at length about the measures they took to disturb the least amount of wilderness.

The couple that had been paired with them for this particular ride were a laidback pair from Canada, on a scenic trip through the southwest and they were both absolutely up for whatever the guides had in mind, making the outing one of the best Nico had ever taken with the company. The group stopped for a quick sandwich lunch underneath a water-carved overhang at the edge of an ancient dried riverbed, Waverly excitedly finding a few pieces of petrified wood and calling him over to marvel at the fossils before leaving them be and relaxing in the shade of the riverbank.

“This has been so much fun, Nico, thanks for setting us up to do this. I may have to make some adjustments to my Jeep when we get home.” Waverly grinned and pushed her sunglasses up her forehead, squinting into the sun.

“I bet Doc would love the challenge, you can go boulder Mount Rainier when he’s whipped something up.”

“You laugh, but I could.”

“Oh I don’t doubt it, Waves. I expect to see a picture of you at the summit with the Jeep.”

Nico stretched out under the overhang, pulling his shirt up a little so he could feel the breeze that hovered above the ground against his skin and he could see Waverly’s attention being pulled out of the corner of his eye; smirking to himself he hitched the shirt up higher and let it lay more against his chest, pretending to have a reason to flex his abs as he stared off into the distance.

“I know what you’re doing.”

He chuckled as he lay back even further. “Is it working?”

“Always.”

Waverly looked at him over the rim of her water bottle and winked.

Nico winked back, his eyes closing for a calm blissful second before something freezing and wet hit his stomach and he curled into himself with a shout, Waverly cackling beyond him as she righted her water bottle. Nico brushed the ice cold water off his skin, though he had to admit it felt pretty good, and leveled a teasing glare at his girlfriend who just shrugged nonchalantly.

“Clearly you needed to cool off.”

“I had other ways in mind, thank you.”

“Pretty sure those ways wouldn’t reduce the heat of _anything_.”

Nico shrugged with a devious curl to his lips. “To each their own.”

Waverly laughed as she stood up to brush sand off her shorts. “Later, cowboy.”

\--

The ride back was just as eventful, Julia taking the wheel and getting them into some almost sticky situations that she deftly angled them out of with a whoop and a smile, Nico and his fellow riders enjoying the moments of uncertainty as the Jeep crawled and climbed the rocks before plunging across swelled streambeds to shower them all with water on the way back in.

Nico’s heart felt light as he looked at Waverly, sun turning her hair golden beyond the scarf tied across her forehead, her face pointed into the wind as she laughed at something the Canadians had said, hazel eyes sparkling behind her sunglasses. He couldn’t see them, but he knew they had to be, with how scrunched her cheeks were. He felt so unbelievably lucky to know this woman enough that he could even make that assumption, had made her smile enough to know its ins and outs, its crinkled eyes and the way her top lip thinned out just the smallest bit even as she gave her biggest smiles. He was enraptured, in love and utterly twitterpated.

“Penny for your thoughts, handsome.” Waverly leaned back into his shoulder so he could hear her over the roar of the wind and the tires on the roadbed. The smell of her clean sweet skin was whipped to him by the wind and he breathed deeply before he smiled back at his girlfriend.

“Feeling very lucky.”

Waverly threw her arm around him, pressed a kiss to his cheek and leaned back into the Jeep seat, both of them taking in the red rocked vista before them.

\--

It was late by the time they got back to the compound, Waverly curled up against the door again and deeply asleep, Nico’s own bones stiff as he came around the ‘Cuda to carefully open the door and cradle Waverly’s body to his chest. She mumbled sleepily and tucked her hand into his shirt, his heart swelling so much at the simple gesture he almost tripped on an uneven part of the blacktop, his eyes on Waverly and not where he was going. He caught himself though and adjusted Waverly’s weight before moving forward into the compound and their rooms, laying Waverly down on the comforter and sitting at the end of the bed to take his boots off.

“Are we home?” The question was muffled and a little slurred with sleep but he smiled as he turned to the voice, finding Waverly rubbing her eyes as she pushed herself up with one arm.

“Yeah,” he said it softly, unable to stop his love from pouring into his tone. He kicked his boots off and stood, Waverly’s sleepy eyes following him as he moved to his bags before realizing their things were still in the trunk.

“Tomorrow’s problem.”

“Hm, what?” Waverly was curled around a pillow, her only concession being to toe off her own shoes.

Nico shook his head with a shrug. “Clothes are still in the car.”

Sleepy Waverly snickered and started awkwardly stripping herself from her clothes, socks getting thrown across the room before she got caught in her sweater, an almost petulant voice coming from within. “Modesty is dumb. If Rafe walks in, ‘s his fault he sees anything.”

Nico stepped over and helped tug the sweater off, Waverly quickly divesting herself of her bra and flinging it in his direction before she shucked her pants and undies in one go and slithered under the covers.

“See? Can’t see anything.” She lifted the blanket and winked at her own boobs. “Unless you do that.”

Nico chuckled and undid his own jeans, tossing them toward the laundry pile they’d accumulated.

“Come to beeeeeeeeed, I need snuggles.”

“Be right there, barnacle Earp.”

“Mm, you’d better.” Waverly’s sleepy voice drifted off as she succumbed to dreamland again. Nico smiled as he padded across the carpet to lock the door, just in case, before he slipped into bed himself, Waverly immediately turning to wrap her body around him, her soft breaths against his chest.

Nico looked up at the ceiling and listened to Waverly’s breathing even out. Tomorrow afternoon they would head back to Purgatory after breakfast in the morning with Marcos, who had texted him on their way back from Sedona. Waverly was excited to wheedle more stories out of his friend and Nico wasn’t so sure he could stop that train, though he knew with what they’d gone through the last few days, Marcos giving away some of his childhood antics was small fry. He could handle it.

He knew that there was a lot ahead of him he hadn’t anticipated, lines of communication with his mother possibly open for the first time in twenty years, maybe he’d even get to know his siblings, though the thought of that was still a raw ache in his chest. Little steps. They’d have to figure out a way to be around each other first, before adding to their arrangement. He’d taken his mother’s number from Mrs. Nelsen’s texts and created a contact listing for her, his thumb hovering above the phone screen before he hit ‘done,’ still somewhat mystified he was about to do what he was doing at all. Could they even build a relationship after so much time had passed? They’d be meeting as adults, Nico had grown and learned and been tested; he was his own human and didn’t think he would find it in him to defer to her as a parent, that time had long since passed. He hoped that she wasn’t looking for decision making power or influence over how he lived his life, but he supposed they’d cross that bridge too, in time. Now the next move laid squarely in his lap and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. His mother had said that it was up to him if he wanted to make contact, try their hand at communicating, but the freedom to do so felt almost as heavy as the inability to had; he’d have to look deeply into how he felt before he reached out.

Waverly mumbled in her sleep and nosed into his ribcage as she snuggled further into him, he couldn’t help the wide grin that slid across his face as he tightened his arm around her.

Waverly loved him.

He loved Waverly.

With the life he had lived thus far he could never discount how such a simple phrase could be the center of what gave a person hope, and hope is exactly what Waverly had brought to his life; deep energetic hope that he could walk in the world the way he wanted to and still be loved, be seen. Since the moment Champ had run over Talulah and sent him crashing into the Earps, Nico had been changed by their family, changed by his experiences with them.

He took in Waverly’s face at rest, the part of it he could see not tucked into him; hair a bit mussed and long lashes covering those beautiful hazel eyes, he counted the new freckles across the bridge of his girlfriend’s nose and pressed a kiss to her head before closing his eyes.

For this kind of love, to be this lucky, he’d take whatever the universe could throw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for making it to the end, folks. I appreciate it, really.
> 
> *Tiny note*  
Just a kind reminder that there is no universal trans experience, Nico’s is one amongst thousands and thousands. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!!!
> 
> Come bother me on the twitters if you want- @DrdPirateBrown

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on the twitters @DrdPirateBrown! XD
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


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